Better late than never, here are my 2 cents>>> -- Ladies of Lallybroch Literary Forum

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Date Posted: 08:23:20 03/30/10 Tue
Author: Lady Morilka
Subject: Better late than never, here are my 2 cents>>>
In reply to: Page 's message, "I've finished the second draft of Carey On and can now think of other things! >>>>" on 22:12:22 03/15/10 Mon

>Excerpt from working title Rhett
>�2010 by Juli Page Morgan
>Posted for purposes of critique only and does not
>constitute publication
>
Ok, you drop us right in the middle of a scene as it seems. If this should be the start, I would miss a few informations.
>As she watched the truck get larger in her rearview
>mirror, Rhett realized those weren�t butterflies in
>her stomach. No, those had to be bats � big, hairy
>ones from the feel. Gravel crunched as the truck came
>to a stop behind her car, and she dropped her eyes to
>her cell phone. Thank God! Google Maps had finally
>loaded. She fixed what she hoped was an intent
>expression on her face and frowned at the tiny screen.
you give me a very good impression about hoow she feels and a bit of forebording, but the actions don't make sense to me until waaaay later.
>
>Although she�d been expecting it, the knock on her
>window still made her jump like she�d been goosed.
>Pressing a hand to her pounding heart, she turned and
>saw none other than Sammy Tarry standing next to her
>car. His censorious frown faded as he got a good look
>at her, and Rhett rolled down the window.
>
>�Sammy! Fancy meeting you here.�
>
>�Miz Davis.� Sammy looked quizzical. �What in Sam
>Hill are you doin� out here?�
>
>Rhett managed to look sheepish. �I got lost, can you
>believe it? That�s what I get for trusting Google
>Maps. I should know better since they manage to mess
>up directions for getting out of my own driveway.�
>
>A patronizing smirk appeared on Sammy�s face. �Well
>now. I can�t imagine where you�d be headed that would
>end you up here.�
>
>The bats in Rhett�s stomach started what felt like
>synchronized dive bombing drills, and she prayed it
>didn�t show on her face. She tried to look as
>simple-minded as possible. �Oh, it�s some new
>subdivision. Lilith and Brendon are thinking about
>buying a house out there and she wanted me to run by
>and look at it. It�s something like Oak Leaf, or
>Bronze Oak. I can�t really remember.�
>
>�Bronze Leaf?�
>
>�That�s it!� Rhett smiled. �All I have is the street
>name, but I can�t get to the dad-blame subdivision to
>find it.�
>
>Sammy chuckled. �Miz Davis, you need to get one of
>those GPS trackers so you don�t keep ending up stuck
>in the boonies.� did it happen before?
>
>Rhett rolled her eyes and made a shooing gesture with
>her hand. �I wouldn�t know how to work one of those
>things, but you�re probably right. Lilith�s been
>trying to make me get one for a year now, but we�ve
>just never gotten around to it.� She held up her
>phone. �This is all I have.� She held her breath as
>Sammy peered with suspicion at the phone.
>
>His expression cleared as he saw Google Maps displayed
>on the screen. �Well, I don�t know what that thing�s
>telling you, but you missed the turnoff to Bronze Leaf
>about a mile and a half back.�
>
>�Where?� Rhett frowned. �Is there a sign?�
>
>�I dunno about a sign, but it�s Bronze Leaf Road. If
>you�re going back it�ll turn off to your right.�
>
>Rhett sighed. �Thank you, Sammy. I�m sure glad I ran
>into you. Even if this is the last place I�d want to
>do it.� Her eyes slid past him and surveyed the empty
>site. A shudder that wasn�t manufactured rippled
>through her.
>
>�No ma�am, I don�t suppose it is.� An expression of
>sympathy crossed Sammy�s face and Rhett felt bile rise
>in her throat. �Bad memories for you here. For all
>of us.� He leaned down and put his face into the car.
> �Have you been out here since�?� If he puts his face into the car, on which side is he. If it would be the driver side, he would come awfully close to rhetts head. And I guess she would shrink back, at leastI would do it even in a normal situation.
>
>�No. No, I haven�t. I just couldn�t�Well, there
>wasn�t any need to.� She shook her head. �It�s not a
>place I want to be.�
>
>�I can understand that.� Sammy nodded. �Well, like I
>said, Bronze Leaf�s �bout a mile and a half back that
>way on your right.�
>
>�Thank you again, Sammy. I appreciate it.� She
>started the car. �And if you ever decide to quit
>working for the city, you could get a job with Google
>Maps.�
>
>Sammy�s booming laugh sounded fake. �I�ll think about
>that, Miz Davis. You be careful now.�
>
>�I will.� Rhett gave him one last smile and put the
>car in gear. When did he take his head out of the car and stepped back? As she eased the car along the rutted
>track that led out of the site, her fingers gripped
>the steering wheel so hard her knuckles turned white.
>Oh God, oh God, oh God. If Elaine was right, that was
>the man who had orchestrated the accident that killed
>Todd and paralyzed Jack; and he�d just caught her at
>the scene of the crime.

Great little scene, with a lot of forbording and tension that isn't quite explanes yet. I would like to hear the whole of the mystery.

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