Awww!>>>> -- Ladies of Lallybroch Literary Forum

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Date Posted: 14:33:10 10/07/09 Wed
Author:

susiej
Subject: Awww!>>>>
In reply to: Page 's message, "Resolution >>>>" on 23:49:07 10/05/09 Mon

OK- that really makes me like Adam way too much.

Really good feel for the place- the heat, the sun etc. But I have to agree with you that's its a little rough in places and that made me loose focus.

Ex. "on the polished strips of wood of the living room floor"- that was a mouthful and I stumbled on the second of. I think- "polished wood of the living room floor" would flow better and still get the idea across. As I said, I could really see that part.

Again, when she and Adam started talking, I wanted to hear the heck what they were saying!So, some of the details got distracting.

Great scene! It will be very shiny when polished.

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Replies:

[> [> [> Is liking Adam a good thing, or a bad thing? *G* >>>> --

Page, 21:23:22 10/07/09 Wed

>OK- that really makes me like Adam way too much.

LOL! Even though Adam's the bad guy in this, trying to ruin Scarlett and Rhett's happiness, he's still a good guy at heart. I wanted the reader to remember that he was a victim, too, and not the evil ex. *G* I hope I've succeeded.
>
>Really good feel for the place- the heat, the sun etc.
>But I have to agree with you that's its a little rough
>in places and that made me loose focus.
>
>Ex. "on the polished strips of wood of the living room
>floor"- that was a mouthful and I stumbled on the
>second of. I think- "polished wood of the living room
>floor" would flow better and still get the idea
>across. As I said, I could really see that part.
>
>
>Again, when she and Adam started talking, I wanted to
>hear the heck what they were saying!So, some of the
>details got distracting.

You should've seen it the night I wrote it. *G* It was one of those that I wanted to write while I could hear them, but it was all dialogue. I went back and added the details the next morning on very little sleep. Can you give me an idea of where I went overboard? I'd really like your insight on that.
>
>Great scene! It will be very shiny when polished.

Thank you very much!

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[> [> [> [> You know, I'm probably the worst to give advice on that because I like pure dialogue>>>> --

susiej, 21:53:24 10/07/09 Wed

I have a hard time with that in my own work because I can see them talking so I forget that others don't see what's in my head. And I just like conversation. But I've been critted for leaving out too much.

But I find when I read now, I get distracted more and more by the tags. I almost started with a pencil so I could scratch out the "he said" and "she reached for her glass" or whatever. I guess I've become an impatient reader.

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[> [> [> [> [> but I look again, tomorrow. -- susiej, 21:59:19 10/07/09 Wed

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