>“I think I broke my ass on your hard sofa, that’s
>what.”
Arse?
>
>Adam laughed while Jay lit a cigarette, brushing away
>dust from the guitar’s surface.Jay or Adam brushing dust away? It's alittle unclear.
Jay bent his head to the
>guitar, and began tightening the strings, listening
>for the right pitch. He was amazed and gratified that
>he still knew what he was doing. I like this. I can't play jack, but I can tune a guitar, at least I used to know how. I tried very hard to learn one time(had a crappy teacher) and I can sympathise with the sore fingers. Mine felt like someone had held a blowtorch to them.
>“Smoke on the Water?” Adam snorted with
>laughter, and started singing. “Slooowww motion
>Walter….The fire engine guy.” LOLOLOL!!! I've never heard this version;-)
"And I have to admit, it’s been good for me.”
>
>“Yeah?”
>
>“Yeah. I found out that I could go it on my own, you
>know?” Adam looked into the fire, his expression
>thoughtful. “I didn’t realize how much I’d depended
>on you before you left. When it was just me, I
>discovered that, hey! I did know what I was doing,
>and if I do say so myself, I’m doing it pretty well. Adam's grown up a lot, hasn't he? Now his jealousy over Katie and Jay is even more apparent as being insecurity. *sigh* Our little boy is so mature now!
If he couldn’t explain to Adam, then what
>the hell was he going to tell Katie? He sighed again,
>frustrated. “I don’t know why I did it. I’m sure I
>had a million good reasons, but I’m damned if I
>remember what they were.” His hands stroked the
>guitar, and he found a measure of peace in the
>familiar feel of the strings and wood. I like that he can't articulate the reasons. Sometimes being at a loss for words is the best way to say what you're thinking.
>Adam had been watching Jay closely as he spoke, and
>now leaned back in his chair, appearing pleased with
>what he saw on Jay’s face. He crossed his feet at the
>ankles, and grinned. “So get on a plane, get your ass
>to California, and take your medicine like a good boy.”
>
>Jay looked up, surprised to find Adam in the room.
>He’d been so absorbed by what he was saying, he’d
>forgotten where he was. Returning Adam’s grin, he
>finished the last few notes of Imperial Jade.
>“Alright. I will.”
The only thing I might consider, and this is purely my opinion, is maybe not giving Jay's answer. Maybe he will, maybe he won't could be a way to really keep the reader wondering. JMHO, take or kick it to the curb, as always!
>>“I think I broke my ass on your hard sofa, that’s
>>what.”
>
>Arse?
Thank you! While I usually do pretty well with British-isms, arse always eludes me. (Reading that over, it sounds kind of kinky, doesn't it? *G*)
>>
>>Adam laughed while Jay lit a cigarette, brushing away
>>dust from the guitar’s surface.Jay or Adam
>brushing dust away? It's alittle unclear.
You're so right, it was unclear. So it now reads, "Adam laughed while Jay lit a cigarette with one hand, brushing away the dust on the guitar's surface with the other."
>
> Jay bent his head to the
>>guitar, and began tightening the strings, listening
>>for the right pitch. He was amazed and gratified that
>>he still knew what he was doing.
>I like this. I can't play jack, but I can tune a
>guitar, at least I used to know how. I tried very hard
>to learn one time(had a crappy teacher) and I can
>sympathise with the sore fingers. Mine felt like
>someone had held a blowtorch to them.
I hear you! It's the reason everything I play sounds like it's performed on a box stuffed with cotton. Just KILLS my fingers!
>>“Smoke on the Water?” Adam snorted with
>>laughter, and started singing. “Slooowww motion
>>Walter….The fire engine guy.”
>LOLOLOL!!! I've never heard this version;-)
Heehee! I thought you might like that!
>
>"And I have to admit, it’s been good for me.”
>>
>>“Yeah?”
>>
>>“Yeah. I found out that I could go it on my own, you
>>know?” Adam looked into the fire, his expression
>>thoughtful. “I didn’t realize how much I’d depended
>>on you before you left. When it was just me, I
>>discovered that, hey! I did know what I was doing,
>>and if I do say so myself, I’m doing it pretty well.
>Adam's grown up a lot, hasn't he? Now his jealousy
>over Katie and Jay is even more apparent as being
>insecurity. *sigh* Our little boy is so mature now!
Yea! I think I've managed to redeem him!
>
> If he couldn’t explain to Adam, then what
>>the hell was he going to tell Katie? He sighed again,
>>frustrated. “I don’t know why I did it. I’m sure I
>>had a million good reasons, but I’m damned if I
>>remember what they were.” His hands stroked the
>>guitar, and he found a measure of peace in the
>>familiar feel of the strings and wood.
>I like that he can't articulate the reasons.
>Sometimes being at a loss for words is the best way to
>say what you're thinking.
Much better than anything he had scripted. Plus, having the guitar in his hands helps. While writing it, I found he opened up a lot more when he was holding it.
>
>
>>Adam had been watching Jay closely as he spoke, and
>>now leaned back in his chair, appearing pleased with
>>what he saw on Jay’s face. He crossed his feet at the
>>ankles, and grinned. “So get on a plane, get your ass
>>to California, and take your medicine like a good
>boy.”
>>
>>Jay looked up, surprised to find Adam in the room.
>>He’d been so absorbed by what he was saying, he’d
>>forgotten where he was. Returning Adam’s grin, he
>>finished the last few notes of Imperial Jade.
>>“Alright. I will.”
>
>The only thing I might consider, and this is purely
>my opinion, is maybe not giving Jay's answer. Maybe he
>will, maybe he won't could be a way to really keep the
>reader wondering. JMHO, take or kick it to the curb,
>as always!
Oh, BRILLIANT!! I am SO using that! Thank you tons!!!!
Page, 22:01:41 10/12/09 Mon