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Date Posted: 12:29:57 10/13/09 Tue
Author: Lady Morilka
Subject: Re: A few days late... but here it comes ;) >>>
In reply to:
Debi
's message, "A day late..." on 10:15:51 10/11/09 Sun
>“Where did we park?” Daniel asked, looking down the
>street in the gloom.
>
>“You can guide us out of the swamp on foot, but you’re
>having difficulty with a town.” Valerie took him by
>the hand. “This way, Columbus.”
>
>She led him past the Hugenot Cemetery. It got quite
>dark once they left the pedestrian-only street and
>ventured down the sidewalk toward the large public
>parking garage. Daniel didn’t let go; instead he laced
>his fingers with hers. She felt the warm smoothness of
>the wedding band he still wore against her finger.
>Something almost made her ask him about it like she
>almost had a hundred times, but the same reticence
>held her back. If he wants to talk about it, he will.
>Instead, she brought up a different subject she’d
>meant to ask about.
I really like that part with the ring. I wonder if he notices it too on occasions like this, cos I can feel mine quite easiely when I hold hands because it very slightly cuts into the finger than.
>
>“Has Alan or Nessa invited you to Thanksgiving?”
>
>Daniel shook his head. “Not that I recall.”
>
>Valerie snorted. “They were probably leaving it to me
>to ask you along. So, would you like to come to the
>Roark Family Thanksgiving Dinner and Fish Fry?”
>
>“Fish fry?” he echoed, as their steps crunched over
>fallen oak leaves.
I would put the fallen leaves at another place because when I read the steps here, I wait for them to stop in surprise or stumble or something like that. but thats just MHO
>
>“Yes, this is a good, old-fashioned redneck holiday
>celebration. Fish fry, deep fried turkey, hush
>puppies, other things that can be cooked in hot oil.”
>She heard him utter a quiet laugh.
>
>“I’d love to come, though I’m a little afraid to ask
>what hush puppies are.”
lol
>
>“Actual dog is not part of the recipe.”
ROFL
>
>“Well, that’s all right then, I think. Should I bring
>anything?”
>
>“Anything you want. There will be regular Thanksgiving
>food too, as well as barbecue and God knows what-all
>else. It’ll be family and friends and I hope we don’t
>frighten you too much.”
>
>She felt him squeeze her hand. “I don’t scare easily.”
>
>“You haven’t met the whole family yet, in one large,
>shambling herd.”
>
>“Good point. You still haven’t told me what I should
>bring.” He tugged at her hand in the dark to remind
>her.
>
>“Okay, how about your cooking skills and your
>masculine strength for manual labor? The gathering is
>going to be at the lake house so I could use all the
>help I can get. I’m cooking and setting things up.”
>
>“Just that?”
>
>“Well, if you feel obligated to contribute something,
>bring whatever you like. My family is notoriously
>ravenous, anything you contribute will be eaten, no
>matter what.”
>
>“Are you insinuating something about my cooking?”
Hmmm, I can't make out if that is plain teasing here with that sighn of Valerie following, or if there is something underlying. Just beeing curious I guess
>
>Valerie sighed and dug her nails into the back of his
>hand lightly. “No, you’re an excellent cook. I’m
>saying that you don’t need to do anything fancy to
>impress my family’s indiscriminate palate. We are
>deep-frying about half the menu.”
>
>“Point taken.”
>
>As they turned from the parking garage back to the
>street in the orange glare of the sodium vapor lamps,
>Valerie sat back in the seat, glancing over at Daniel.
As mentioned above, it took me a while to see that they were now in the car.
>
>“I liked the story about the Confederate soldiers in
>the Tolomato Cemetery.”
>
>“The ones whose graves got moved?”
>
>“Yes. Must be somewhat disconcerting to have lain in a
>place for many years, then unceremoniously have your
>maker moved but not your body.”
>
>“You don’t actually believe all that stuff, do you?”
>The car slowed as they got into the left lane to turn
>onto Highway 16.
Do you really need the number of the highway here? Numbers, for me, have a tendency to disrupt the flow of reading.
>
>Valerie opened the window a crack, drinking in the
>scent of the salt marshes and the cool night air.
I like that you always encorporate the scents too.
At
>his remark, she gave him a quick look. He didn’t seem
>to be mocking her, just curious. His eyes were on the
>road but they flickered toward her.
>
>“I don’t really know. I like to keep an open mind
>about things like ghosts and such, because I do
>believe that there are things that we aren’t meant to
>understand, not in this life.”
>
>“So you believe in multiple lives too?” His tone,
>while still not sarcastic, was tinged with disbelief
>nonetheless. Valerie considered challenging him on his
>attitude, but decided on a different tactic instead.
>
>“What do you believe in then?”
Great reaction!
>
>There were a few moments of silence. The lights became
>fewer and further between. She was almost ready to
>prompt him again when he started talking.
>
>“Mum and I went to church most Sundays, though when I
>moved away I didn’t really keep up with it. I believed
>what I had been taught, that when you died, you went
>to heaven or hell depending on what kind of life you
>led. But after being in Desert Storm and losing
>Cassie, I’m more inclined to believe that we all live
>through some heaven and hell right here, in this life,
>if you will. I don’t know what happens to us after we
>die anymore. But I’m not convinced that spirits hang
>around after death. I had rather the opposite
>experience.”
I think that is the first remark about his mother that I read.
>
>Valerie sat quiet, listening. On the rare occasion
>when Daniel talked about his wife, she was reluctant
>to comment, afraid she’d break the spell and make him
>change the subject. She was sure it would only do him
>good to talk about her, get it out.
>
>“When Cassie died, I was sitting with her, holding her
>hand. Penny was asleep in the other chair in the room.
>Cassie had such a strong… presence, you could feel it,
>a sense of her spirit, I suppose. One minute, she was
>there, then, as she passed, it faded. All that was
>left of her was this empty… husk.” He pulled in a deep
>breath. Valerie was sure he’d stopped.
Oh dear, Valerie has quite a job ahead of her competing agains such a person.
>
>“I mean, even her skin felt different. I can’t explain
>it, but, what was left behind, it wasn’t her anymore.
>She was gone.”
>
>He was quiet for a moment, then leaned toward her. “So
>have you had a close encounter that has convinced you
>there’s life after death?”
>
>“I think close encounters refers to aliens, but no, I
>haven’t heard Spanish soldiers marching the floor or
>seen demonic faces peering from upper windows.”
>
>“What then?”
>
>“Well,” she began, “I think too many people have
>experienced similar unexplainable things to say that
>what they claim isn’t true.”
My saying.
>
>“There’s more, isn’t there?” As always, his question
>wasn’t mocking or cynical; he seemed genuinely
>interested.
>
>“I guess.”
>
>“Come on. I bared my soul, now it’s your turn.”
>
>Valerie chuckled under her breath. “Fair’s fair, I
>guess.” Memory and loss made her throat close for a
>brief moment; she swallowed hard.
>
>“I guess it was right after Mom’s funeral. I still
>felt really guilty about not being there with her when
>she died, and I was still angry with Ben for not
>giving me the message right away,
Oh I can so relate to that, I was away for the weekend when my granddad died, and my parents didn't inform me, didn't wont to depress me. And I still feel guilty (almost 15 years later) that I partied while he died.
for his general lack
>of support, whatever else was pissing me off at the
>time. We’d had a big fight and, as usual, I was in bed
>alone.” A bemused grimace wrinkled her nose. “Come to
>think of it, he was probably off with Alexis, even
>then, but that’s another story.
Good hook you through here in passing. Now you got me wondering and waiting for that story ;)
>
>“Anyway, I was lying in bed, my emotions in knots and
>NOT looking forward to falling asleep, if I ever got
>that far. And then I heard Mom singing. Nothing
>specific or meaningful, just like she always did,
>whatever song she’d heard last on the radio, something
>to do with what she was doing, the theme song to
>something on TV, whatever.
I can't wait for the book, there are so many things in these exerpts that I can relate to. (I always have a song in my head, and often it comes out)
It was just like being home
>again. And the thing is, I think Taser heard her too.
>He was on the floor by the bed, head up, ears all
>perked up, listening. And so I fell asleep and,
>instead of waking up sweating and panting, I dreamed
>about her.” Valerie hunkered down into the seat,
>crossing her arms and tucking her hands in.
>
>“We were planting roses in the flower beds along the
>patio. She told me she was fine now, and I would be
>too eventually. Maybe she was trying to tell me about
>Ben and the upcoming divorce festivities.” A quiet
>snort came from the driver’s seat.
>
>“And then she squirted me with the water hose.” That
>got her a chuckle.
Maybe a small or dreamy smile from Valerie here? Or a distant look in her eyes.
>
>“Your mum liked to play, hm?”
>
>Valerie smiled and nodded, even though it was dark.
>“She did. That’s why I think it really was her and not
>just a dream she happened to be in.” Sighing, she
>leaned her head back against the seat, trying to
>ignore the light prickle in her eyes and throat.
>
>“Remembering that dream helped get me through some
>hard times after that.” Another great sigh welled out,
>unbidden and she felt a warm hand cover hers. She
>turned her hand up to squeeze his in thanks.
Wasn't her hand tucked in? Where did she loosen up again?
Good scene, emotional, but not the kind that brings tears. And I think that is perfect for something that has so much deepth. If you would try to make people teary here, they would rush through instead of savoring it.
Keep on writing. YOu put a lot of meaning in a lot of words ;), but it comes across really real and easy. It seems like you don't have to construct scenes to get something across, it just flowes on. (I'm sure it is not that easy but you make it seem so.)
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Thank you for the lovely comments! -- Debi, 20:02:15 10/13/09 Tue
>>“Fish fry?” he echoed, as their steps crunched over
>>fallen oak leaves.
>I would put the fallen leaves at another place
>because when I read the steps here, I wait for them to
>stop in surprise or stumble or something like that.
>but thats just MHO
I'll see if it works another way. I've walked this very path many times and the fallen leaves can get a little thick along this stretch.
>>
>>
>>“Are you insinuating something about my cooking?”
>Hmmm, I can't make out if that is plain teasing
>here with that sighn of Valerie following, or if there
>is something underlying. Just beeing curious I
>guess
He's just teasing her. The chicken soup he brings her when she is sick is his (even though she doesn't eat, having fallen asleep) and there is a scene I haven't yet written where she gets to sample a meal he has cooked. He's quite good actually, with a particular talent for Italian food.;-)
>>
>>The car slowed as they got into the left lane to turn
>>onto Highway 16.
>Do you really need the number of the highway here?
>Numbers, for me, have a tendency to disrupt the flow
>of reading.
Well, it *is* the highway that leads out of St-Augustine heading west.;-)
>>
>>Valerie opened the window a crack, drinking in the
>>scent of the salt marshes and the cool night air.
>I like that you always encorporate the scents
>too.
Thanks!
>>“What do you believe in then?”
>Great reaction!
Thanks! Valerie's good at deflecting...
>>
>I think that is the first remark about his mother
>that I read.
Jane will show up, maybe not in this book, but there's already a sequel in place...
>>
>Oh dear, Valerie has quite a job ahead of her
>competing agains such a person.
>>
That she does. She spends a lot of time jealous of a dead woman, as irrational as that feeling is.
“I think too many people have
>>experienced similar unexplainable things to say that
>>what they claim isn’t true.”
>My saying.
My feelings exactly. I hear Sherlock Holmes saying "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." Who's to say what really is impossible?
>>
I was still angry with Ben for not
>>giving me the message right away,
>Oh I can so relate to that, I was away for the
>weekend when my granddad died, and my parents didn't
>inform me, didn't wont to depress me. And I still feel
>guilty (almost 15 years later) that I partied while he
>died.
I didn't know my own grandpa died until after his funeral. Someone at my work took a message and never gave it to me. I had no home phone at the time.
“Come to
>>think of it, he was probably off with Alexis, even
>>then, but that’s another story.
>Good hook you through here in passing. Now you got
>me wondering and waiting for that story ;)
LOL... it's hinted at from tiem to time. Maybe I will work that story in somewhere, as a flashback or something.
>>
>I can't wait for the book, there are so many things
>in these exerpts that I can relate to. (I always have
>a song in my head, and often it comes out)
Me too!>> She
>>turned her hand up to squeeze his in thanks.
> Wasn't her hand tucked in? Where did she loosen up
>again?
WHoops! Thank you! I'll be fixing that now...
>Good scene, emotional, but not the kind that brings
>tears. And I think that is perfect for something that
>has so much deepth. If you would try to make people
>teary here, they would rush through instead of
>savoring it.
>Keep on writing. YOu put a lot of meaning in a lot of
>words ;), but it comes across really real and easy. It
>seems like you don't have to construct scenes to get
>something across, it just flowes on. (I'm sure it is
>not that easy but you make it seem so.)
Thank you so much. Yeah, it's not the easiest thing in the world to do, but I have hope from your comments that it's something that I'm accomplishing well enough that it is easy to read, like watching the scene rather than reading it. I always enjoy stories I can lose myself in.
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Another comment on a healthy imune system and kids ;) -- Lady Morilka, 15:19:05 10/14/09 Wed
Just as a sidenote about that building a healthy imunesytem from you previos post. My mom had another saying to.
Little pigletts need to be clean and little kids dirty, than both are healthy.
Since you work with kids and animaly in this book, I thought you might like that *bg*
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Love the mom quote. They really do know what they're talking about, too bad it takes us so long to realize it. -- Debi, 19:48:11 10/14/09 Wed
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