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Date Posted: 23:31:22 10/19/09 Mon
Author: Page
Subject: Step inside >>>>>
In reply to: Page 's message, "Are you ticklish?" on 23:23:30 10/19/09 Mon

To put this one into perspective....it happens after Jay found Katie doing laundry the day after they met, and took her to his house to show her around, where, of course, they shared their first kiss. A very sweet kiss. Then Jay escorted her back to her flat, because he said she deserved more than to just be put on a train and sent home. Before he took his leave of her, they kissed again, and this time it threatened to burn down the building. Five days have passed, and they haven't seen each other since....

Excerpt from Carey On
©2009 by Juli Morgan
Posted for purposes of critique only, and does not constitute publication

“Play that last bit again.” Adam bent over his pad of paper, and scribbled like a student during the last minute of final exams as Jay obliged him by replaying the melody of the song they were writing.

Katie barely heard them, absorbed as she was in the New York Times. Her copy of the Beatles newly-released White Album lay forgotten on the floor next to her, along with the remains of a large manila envelope she’d found stuffed into the letter slot earlier. When she’d returned from shopping and discovered Jay and Adam were working on their music in the flat, she’d swallowed her disappointment that she wouldn’t be able to rip right into the new Beatles record. The newspaper her Aunt Peggy had sent to her more than made up for it, though. Knowing her niece’s love for sports, Peggy had sent along the copy of the Times that dealt with the fallout of what was coming to be known as The Heidi Game. Katie shook her head in a mixture of amusement and irritation as she read about NBC’s cutting away from the Jets-Raiders game with only 50 seconds left to air their regularly scheduled programming, which just happened to be a showing of the movie “Heidi.”

“Good for them,” she muttered under her breath as she read how angry viewers had crashed the NBC switchboard calling to complain. If she’d been in the States, she would have been one of those callers, that’s for sure. In her opinion, if Heidi’s grumpy grandfather couldn’t wait one freaking minute for the ballgame to conclude, then he didn’t deserve to air at all. Coming to the end of a column, she searched through the pages, looking for the continuation of the article as Adam sang something about the look in a woman’s eyes. Abandoning her search for a moment, she glanced up and grimaced.

Adam didn’t even look in her direction. “What d’you think?” he asked Jay.

“Umm…” Jay shook his head.

“Yeah, you’re right. It doesn’t work.” The sound of Adam’s pen scratching across the surface of the paper began again, and Katie resumed her reading. She lost her place as something bumped her newspaper, making the pages bell out toward her. Looking over the top of the page, she met Jay’s eyes.

“What?” she asked him.

“Oh, nothing.” He wore a look of profound innocence, but his eyes twinkled with mischief.

She arched her eyebrows at him, and returned to her reading. Three sharp jabs made the paper shake again, and she lowered it, trying to look stern. “Don’t make me hurt you.”

“I didn’t do anything.” He grinned, twiddling a pick between his fingers. “Are you having problems?”

Katie’s stern look started to dissolve at his playful teasing, and she hid behind the Times before the smile tugging at her lips could break free. Almost immediately, the newspaper rattled again, and Katie closed it.

“Finished?” Jay smiled, his look of mischief increasing.

Katie laid the paper aside, and stood up. “Are you ticklish?”

Jay’s smiled disappeared. “No. Are you?”

“No.”

“You’re both lying.” Adam glanced up, a hint of irritation on his handsome face. “You’re the two most ticklish people I’ve ever met.” His eyes dropped back to his pad, and he started humming.

“If you’re in a mood to play something besides the guitar,” Katie said, advancing on Jay, “then I can certainly oblige you. After all, it’s not as if I’m doing anything else, like reading the newspaper.”

Jay put his guitar on the floor next to Adam, and got to his feet with haste. He attempted to back away, but the small dimensions of the flat left him nowhere to go. “I’d not dream of interrupting your reading.” He glanced behind him as he brushed up against the chest next to the bed. “Really, love, don’t let me stop you.” Protest he might, but his eyes were still full of laughter.

“Oh, you won’t,” Katie assured him. She gave him an evil smile. “Now that I’ve got you trapped against the wall, let’s see just how ticklish you really are.”

Jay laughed, and made an abortive grab at her hands. “I guess you know, madam, that this means war.” Another grab saw her wrists held prisoner by his long fingers.

“Oh, good. I never lose.” Katie peered up at him through her lashes, and ran the tip of her tongue suggestively over her lips. As she had intended, Jay was distracted long enough for her to wrench one of her hands loose from his grasp, and apply it to his ribs.

All of Jay’s breath left in a whoosh as he tried to twist away, and the battle was on. Katie couldn’t believe how sensitive he was to her brief tickles; all she had to do was get her hand anywhere near his ribs, and he jerked back, laughing like a loon. Of course, he was doing enough damage of his own, his hands seeking and finding her most ticklish spots as though he knew in advance just where they were. She giggled madly as she tried to bat his fingers away from her ribs, collarbone, and waist, while trying to keep her own hands in play. But, damn, he was fast! She wasn’t able to do more than poke him from time to time, her hands occupied with trying to grab his. Gasping for breath, she decided retreat was in order so she could regroup, but as she backed away, Jay stuck his foot behind her, and she tumbled onto the mattress. He was on top of her like a flash, his weight pinning her down. She thrashed under him, still giggling, and felt him gather both her wrists in one hand and pull them over her head.

“No, Jay, please don’t,” she begged as she felt his free hand come to rest on her neck. She hunched her shoulder in an attempt to trap the tickling fingers, but he pulled it loose, and let his hand trail over her ribcage. “Stop!” She tried to buck him off, and came to a dead halt, tickles forgotten. Their lower bodies had come into full contact, and her struggles to get free had had quite an effect on Jay. And that, in turn, had quite an effect on Katie. Still gasping for breath, she couldn’t stop her hips from executing a sinuous squirm against the delectable hardness trapped in Jay’s jeans.

His touch on her ribs changed at once from playful to purposeful as his hand slid up her body, coming to rest just under her breast. He was breathing hard, but managed to smile down at her. “Do you admit defeat?”

Katie smiled back, and shook her head. “Nope. It’s a draw.” She pressed against him again, and bit her bottom lip at the flame of desire that lit his eyes.

“If you two are quite through trashing the flat, I’d really like to take this from the top again.”

Adam’s aggrieved voice jolted Katie back into awareness of where she was, and she froze, her eyes wide. Jay let go her wrists, and gave her a rueful smile.

“Right.” He pushed himself away from her, and ran his hands through his disheveled hair. “We really must do this again sometime, Miss Scott.”

“Anytime, Mr. Carey.” Katie raised up on her elbows, and watched him return to the table where Adam sat waiting. As the music began again, Katie smoothed her own hair, and began straightening the bedclothes that were hanging half off the bed. It wasn’t an urge to have the bed tidy that kept her smoothing quilts and plumping pillows, but rather a need to give herself time to let her arousal fade. Not that she thought it was going to disappear.

It had been six days since she’d first met Jay, and five days since she’d kissed him. For almost a week, she’d thought about those kisses, especially the last one, still surprised the floorboards of the entry way of the apartment building weren’t scorched.

Seeing Jay in the flat today had made her catch her breath. But the afternoon had progressed normally, with Jay showing her nothing more than the friendliness she assumed he’d give to any of Adam’s friends. She had started to relax, convinced her earlier feelings were a case of temporary insanity, or maybe an overload of hormones.

Until they’d touched.

The fire she felt for him was still there; it had only been banked, waiting for him to rekindle it. And she had no idea what to do about it.

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[> [> As an incredibly ticklish person, just reading this made me giggle -- Debi, 06:39:29 10/20/09 Tue

The only thing that catches me up is them 'attacking' one another so blatantly in front of Adam. Are she and Adam together yet? Not that this sort of thing is anything but innocent, on the surface anyway. It's just that the tickling can be so... well, preliminary to other touching *G*, that I can't imagine Adam's quite that blind to their attraction to one another. Or is that denial on his behalf? Otherwise, it very playful and fun and I can so see them stalking each other around the flat!
Nice work!

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[> [> [> I'm too ticklish for words, too . (And a brief excerpt inside) >>>> -- Page, 14:54:17 10/20/09 Tue

>The only thing that catches me up is them 'attacking'
>one another so blatantly in front of Adam. Are she and
>Adam together yet? Not that this sort of thing is
>anything but innocent, on the surface anyway. It's
>just that the tickling can be so... well, preliminary
>to other touching *G*, that I can't imagine Adam's
>quite that blind to their attraction to one another.
>Or is that denial on his behalf? Otherwise, it very
>playful and fun and I can so see them stalking each
>other around the flat!
>Nice work!

I'm like Jay -- just get near me with the intention of inflicting a tickle, and I get hysterical.

Jay and Katie needed an excuse to touch each other, I think. I could see very clearly his teasing her by interrupting her reading, and, even though this wasn't in his POV, he was very much remembering the last time he saw her. We know Katie had been thinking about it. But with Adam right there with them, they couldn't just jump on each other again, no matter how much they'd have liked to. So engaging in a tickling match was an "innocent" way of getting their hands on each other again.

As for Adam, he knew they were attracted to each other. Everyone who was there when they met knew it:

Excerpt from Carey On
©2009 by Juli Morgan
Posted for purposes of critique only, and does not constitute publication

The moment the door closed behind them, Maureen whirled to face her, her eyes alight with curiosity. “Well, that was a first for me, luv.”

“What’s that?” The tight control Katie had maintained on her body had fled the moment Jay was out of sight, and her knees, taking advantage of the lack of restraint, refused to hold her up any longer. She stumbled to the couch, and dropped onto it, making the worn cushions sigh in protest.

“Getting turned on just watching two people look at each other.” Maureen sat next to her, treating the couch with more respect. She perched on the edge, and grinned at Katie. “I would have suggested you and Jay retire to my bedroom, but I didn’t think Adam would have appreciated it.”

“Oh, shit.” Katie grimaced. “Was it that obvious?”

Maureen snorted with laughter. “There’s a glossy color photo of you and Jay Carey next to the word ‘obvious’ in the dictionary.”

Katie buried her face in her hands. “Great. Is that why we didn’t go with them?” She peeked at Maureen through her fingers.

Maureen nodded. “Partly. I thought you needed a bit to collect yourself. Jay, too.” Her smile was that of a cat contemplating a fresh serving of canary. “Those trousers of his are cut a bit too tight for him to be able to hide anything.”


You nailed it when you said Adam was in denial. At this point he honestly can't conceive of them doing anything about that attraction. After all, Katie's his old lady, and Jay's his best mate. Adam wouldn't do it to them, so he doesn't think they'd do it to him.

Thanks so much for critting this for me! I've got a lot of polishing to do on it, but I'm happy to know I'm headed in a somewhat plausible direction.

Hugs,
Page

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[> [> And another crit>>>> -- Lady Morilka, 09:26:16 10/28/09 Wed

>Excerpt from Carey On
>©2009 by Juli Morgan
>Posted for purposes of critique only, and does not
>constitute publication
>
>“Play that last bit again.” Adam bent over his pad of
>paper, and scribbled like a student during the last
>minute of final exams as Jay obliged him by replaying
>the melody of the song they were writing.
>
>Katie barely heard them, absorbed as she was in the
>New York Times. Her copy of the Beatles
>newly-released White Album lay forgotten on the floor
>next to her, along with the remains of a large manila
>envelope she’d found stuffed into the letter slot
>earlier. When she’d returned from shopping and
>discovered Jay and Adam were working on their music in
>the flat, she’d swallowed her disappointment that she
>wouldn’t be able to rip right into the new Beatles
>record. The newspaper her Aunt Peggy had sent to her
>more than made up for it, though. Knowing her niece’s
>love for sports, Peggy had sent along the copy of the
>Times that dealt with the fallout of what was coming
>to be known as The Heidi Game. Katie shook her head
>in a mixture of amusement and irritation as she read
>about NBC’s cutting away from the Jets-Raiders game
>with only 50 seconds left to air their regularly
>scheduled programming, which just happened to be a
>showing of the movie “Heidi.”
LOL
>
>“Good for them,” she muttered under her breath as she
>read how angry viewers had crashed the NBC switchboard
>calling to complain. If she’d been in the States, she
>would have been one of those callers, that’s for sure.
> In her opinion, if Heidi’s grumpy grandfather
>couldn’t wait one freaking minute for the ballgame to
>conclude, then he didn’t deserve to air at all. Coming
>to the end of a column, she searched through the
>pages, looking for the continuation of the article as
>Adam sang something about the look in a woman’s eyes.
>Abandoning her search for a moment, she glanced up and
>grimaced.
I would like to hear more of the noises in the flat, we have the scribling on the paper and the guitar, surely the later one could interrupt the reading som place. I think it should feel cosy and warm not to be alone, to hear others but not having to deal with them. If that made any sense.
>
>Adam didn’t even look in her direction. “What d’you
>think?” he asked Jay.
>
>“Umm…” Jay shook his head.
>
>“Yeah, you’re right. It doesn’t work.” The sound of
>Adam’s pen scratching across the surface of the paper
>began again, and Katie resumed her reading. She lost
>her place as something bumped her newspaper, making
>the pages bell out toward her. Looking over the top
>of the page, she met Jay’s eyes.
>
>“What?” she asked him.
>
>“Oh, nothing.” He wore a look of profound innocence,
>but his eyes twinkled with mischief.
>
>She arched her eyebrows at him, and returned to her
>reading. Three sharp jabs made the paper shake again,
>and she lowered it, trying to look stern. “Don’t make
>me hurt you.”
>
>“I didn’t do anything.” He grinned, twiddling a pick
>between his fingers. “Are you having problems?”
>
>Katie’s stern look started to dissolve at his playful
>teasing, and she hid behind the Times before the smile
>tugging at her lips could break free. Almost
>immediately, the newspaper rattled again, and Katie
>closed it.
>
>“Finished?” Jay smiled, his look of mischief
>increasing.
>
>Katie laid the paper aside, and stood up. “Are you
>ticklish?”
>
>Jay’s smiled disappeared. “No. Are you?”
>
>“No.”
>
>“You’re both lying.” Adam glanced up, a hint of
>irritation on his handsome face. “You’re the two most
>ticklish people I’ve ever met.” His eyes dropped back
>to his pad, and he started humming.
I like the humming here, it underlines what I said before.
>
>“If you’re in a mood to play something besides the
>guitar,” Katie said, advancing on Jay, “then I can
>certainly oblige you. After all, it’s not as if I’m
>doing anything else, like reading the newspaper.”
>
>Jay put his guitar on the floor next to Adam, and got
>to his feet with haste. He attempted to back away,
>but the small dimensions of the flat left him nowhere
>to go. “I’d not dream of interrupting your reading.”
>He glanced behind him as he brushed up against the
>chest next to the bed. “Really, love, don’t let me
>stop you.” Protest he might, but his eyes were still
>full of laughter.
>
>“Oh, you won’t,” Katie assured him. She gave him an
>evil smile. “Now that I’ve got you trapped against
>the wall, let’s see just how ticklish you really are.”
>
>Jay laughed, and made an abortive grab at her hands.
>“I guess you know, madam, that this means war.”
>Another grab saw her wrists held prisoner by his long
>fingers.
>
>“Oh, good. I never lose.” Katie peered up at him
>through her lashes, and ran the tip of her tongue
>suggestively over her lips. As she had intended, Jay
>was distracted long enough for her to wrench one of
>her hands loose from his grasp, and apply it to his
>ribs.
Oh I love that part, it is so sexy!
>
>All of Jay’s breath left in a whoosh as he tried to
>twist away, and the battle was on. Katie couldn’t
>believe how sensitive he was to her brief tickles; all
>she had to do was get her hand anywhere near his ribs,
>and he jerked back, laughing like a loon. Of course,
>he was doing enough damage of his own, his hands
>seeking and finding her most ticklish spots as though
>he knew in advance just where they were. She giggled
>madly as she tried to bat his fingers away from her
>ribs, collarbone, and waist, while trying to keep her
>own hands in play. But, damn, he was fast! She
>wasn’t able to do more than poke him from time to
>time, her hands occupied with trying to grab his.
>Gasping for breath, she decided retreat was in order
>so she could regroup, but as she backed away, Jay
>stuck his foot behind her, and she tumbled onto the
>mattress. He was on top of her like a flash, his
>weight pinning her down. She thrashed under him,
>still giggling, and felt him gather both her wrists in
>one hand and pull them over her head.
>
>“No, Jay, please don’t,” she begged as she felt his
>free hand come to rest on her neck. She hunched her
>shoulder in an attempt to trap the tickling fingers,
>but he pulled it loose, and let his hand trail over
>her ribcage. “Stop!” She tried to buck him off, and
>came to a dead halt, tickles forgotten. Their lower
>bodies had come into full contact, and her struggles
>to get free had had quite an effect on Jay. And that,
>in turn, had quite an effect on Katie. Still gasping
>for breath, she couldn’t stop her hips from executing
>a sinuous squirm against the delectable hardness
>trapped in Jay’s jeans.
>
>His touch on her ribs changed at once from playful to
>purposeful as his hand slid up her body, coming to
>rest just under her breast. He was breathing hard,
>but managed to smile down at her. “Do you admit
>defeat?”
>
>Katie smiled back, and shook her head. “Nope. It’s a
>draw.” She pressed against him again, and bit her
>bottom lip at the flame of desire that lit his eyes.
>
>“If you two are quite through trashing the flat, I’d
>really like to take this from the top again.”
akk, bad timing ;)
>
>Adam’s aggrieved voice jolted Katie back into
>awareness of where she was, and she froze, her eyes
>wide. Jay let go her wrists, and gave her a rueful
>smile.
>
>“Right.” He pushed himself away from her, and ran his
>hands through his disheveled hair. “We really must do
>this again sometime, Miss Scott.”
>
>“Anytime, Mr. Carey.” Katie raised up on her elbows,
>and watched him return to the table where Adam sat
>waiting. As the music began again, Katie smoothed her
>own hair, and began straightening the bedclothes that
>were hanging half off the bed. It wasn’t an urge to
>have the bed tidy that kept her smoothing quilts and
>plumping pillows, but rather a need to give herself
>time to let her arousal fade. Not that she thought it
>was going to disappear.
>
>It had been six days since she’d first met Jay, and
>five days since she’d kissed him. For almost a week,
>she’d thought about those kisses, especially the last
>one, still surprised the floorboards of the entry way
>of the apartment building weren’t scorched.
I really like the way you discribe the emoltions here, "scorched floorboards" That must have been one hell of a kiss. But it doesn't come accross cheese that way.
>
>Seeing Jay in the flat today had made her catch her
>breath. But the afternoon had progressed normally,
>with Jay showing her nothing more than the
>friendliness she assumed he’d give to any of Adam’s
>friends. She had started to relax, convinced her
>earlier feelings were a case of temporary insanity, or
>maybe an overload of hormones.
>
>Until they’d touched.
>
>The fire she felt for him was still there; it had only
>been banked, waiting for him to rekindle it. And she
>had no idea what to do about it.


I really really like that scene. I had trouble not beeing sucked in so deep that I would forget criticising.

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[> [> [> I love it when that happens! >>>> -- Page, 21:56:00 10/28/09 Wed

You made my day when you said the excerpt sucked you in so that you had trouble remembering to critique! Thank you so much! *G*

>>Katie shook her head
>>in a mixture of amusement and irritation as she read
>>about NBC’s cutting away from the Jets-Raiders game
>>with only 50 seconds left to air their regularly
>>scheduled programming, which just happened to be a
>>showing of the movie “Heidi.”
>LOL

When I first heard about the Heidi Game, I laughed my butt off! The bad part was, the Jets, who were losing when the network went to Heidi, came back and scored within those 50 seconds, and won the game in the last minute. Irate callers crashed the NBC switchboard three or four times. It lead to a change in American programming, so now a sports broadcast will come to its conclusion before the network airs regularly scheduled broadcasts. A sports nut like Katie would definitely be interesting in that, so I incorporated it into the story.
>>
>>“Good for them,” she muttered under her breath as she
>>read how angry viewers had crashed the NBC switchboard
>>calling to complain. If she’d been in the States, she
>>would have been one of those callers, that’s for sure.
>> In her opinion, if Heidi’s grumpy grandfather
>>couldn’t wait one freaking minute for the ballgame to
>>conclude, then he didn’t deserve to air at all. Coming
>>to the end of a column, she searched through the
>>pages, looking for the continuation of the article as
>>Adam sang something about the look in a woman’s eyes.
>>Abandoning her search for a moment, she glanced up and
>>grimaced.
>I would like to hear more of the noises in the
>flat, we have the scribling on the paper and the
>guitar, surely the later one could interrupt the
>reading som place. I think it should feel cosy and
>warm not to be alone, to hear others but not having to
>deal with them. If that made any sense.


Makes a lot of sense, and I know what you mean. It is a cozy feeling to know you're among other people, to hear them, even if you're not interacting with them. And, too, Katie would be hyper-aware of Jay, so his guitar would surely intrude upon her consciousness. Thanks for that suggestion!
>>
>>“You’re both lying.” Adam glanced up, a hint of
>>irritation on his handsome face. “You’re the two most
>>ticklish people I’ve ever met.” His eyes dropped back
>>to his pad, and he started humming.
>I like the humming here, it underlines what I said
>before.


Thank you!
>>
>>“Oh, good. I never lose.” Katie peered up at him
>>through her lashes, and ran the tip of her tongue
>>suggestively over her lips. As she had intended, Jay
>>was distracted long enough for her to wrench one of
>>her hands loose from his grasp, and apply it to his
>>ribs.
>Oh I love that part, it is so sexy!
>>
She does know how to get a man's attention. LOL!

>>
>>“If you two are quite through trashing the flat, I’d
>>really like to take this from the top again.”
>akk, bad timing ;)

Poor, thick Adam. He didn't realize just what he'd interrupted!
>>
>>It had been six days since she’d first met Jay, and
>>five days since she’d kissed him. For almost a week,
>>she’d thought about those kisses, especially the last
>>one, still surprised the floorboards of the entry way
>>of the apartment building weren’t scorched.
>I really like the way you discribe the emoltions
>here, "scorched floorboards" That must have been one
>hell of a kiss. But it doesn't come accross cheese
>that way.


I'm glad to hear that, thank you! (By the way, it was some kiss. *G*)

Thanks so much for critting this for me!

Hugs,
Page

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