Counter re "7 stages of re-entry to the dating scene" -- Victors Board HOF

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Date Posted: 04:41:18 06/30/07 Sat
Author: Para-Assistant HOF Man
Author Host/IP: 72.49.201.44
Subject: Counter re "7 stages of re-entry to the dating scene"

Thoughts.
IP: 204.117.78.97
Posted on June 29, 2007 at 02:46:01 PM by Counter

There are 7 stages of re-entry to the dating scene.

1. Irrational exuberance. This stage is characterized by thoughts such as "All those hot girls I couldn't look at when I was still married? I can have sex with them now! Oh man, this is great. It's like a candy store out there! I'm gonna get my freak on."

2. Realization. You cannot have sex with any of those women. Some of them are having sex with other men. Most are simply weirded out by you as you have been staring at them like Shumway stares at a twinkie. You are creepy. You do not have "it." You begin to think it was a miracle that you ever got laid.

3. Inspiration. It's not you! It's you wardrobe of married guy clothes! Out with the old, in with the new. You buy GQ. You buy Details. You realize Details is for homos. You buy Esquire. You blow a $1000 on some new clothes, mostly from hip places like the Gap and Banana Republic. You now own a couple of going out shirts and some nice new pants, the first pair you've owned without pleats (Thanks, Details. I mean GQ.) You are now spiffed up and you will soon be getting laid.

4. Rock Bottom: It's you. You are now the freshly-divorced desperate guy in his going-out shirt who hits on his waitress and thinks she smiles because she is attracted to you. She isn't. She knows that if you bought that crappy shirt, you will blow a few bucks on a big tip if she pretends you are not creepy.

The bottom of rock bottom is when you go to the local strip joint by yourself while wearing pleat-free pants, a black Banana Republic dress shirt with two buttons at the collar, and a pair of 2Xist boxer briefs, also black. You need to throw out Details. Immediatly. You pay for non-sex. You nurse a Bud lite. You have an epiphany at 2:00am: You should join the gym because you are a fat fuck.

5. The rebound. You might never get laid again. You are jerking off at a three-futons a month pace. You are, however, making some slow progress. The wild look in your eye is dissipating. It's not being replaced by a look of confidence. It's resignation to your lot as a non-getting laid formerly getting laid once a month and that is starting to seem like a fond memory kind of guy. Luckily, non-frantic ogling is sometimes mistaken by women for a certain brand of confidence. You are not such a spaz anymore.

6. Encouragement. This is the most important stage. You will gain some encouragement when you actually hold a conversation with a woman that does not end with "Please pull up to the next window" or "I'm calling the police" or "You forgot your ATM card, sir". You are still not getting laid, but you have exited the land of active woman repulsion. You are now viewed not as a seriously hard up freak, but as a guy who can talk to a woman without blowing a load in his shorts. You are jerking off less. Quite frankly, it's because you ran out of material. But still.

7. Success. You are relaxed. You aren't too eager. You feel comfortable in your clothes. You have talked to women. They have talked back. You have asked a womanout and she has said yes. She has found your awkwardness to be endearing. She views you not as damaged goods but as a great guy who was screwed over and she feels like you need some tender care. You are touched. The previously hard spot in your chest where your heart used to be is suddenly warm with hope.

Later, when you are slapping this tender woman's ass while plowing her like a Jon Deere, wering two condoms to try to last more than 30 seconds, you pause to reflect on your journey. It was worth it. You are a man again.

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