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Date Posted: Thursday, August 04, 07:29:44pm
Author: Bee
Subject: Good evenng ladies! I was in Las Vegas a couple of weekends ago with The Temperamental Mr. Bee and throught ot myself- I SO would have had a better time with the RBLs! I get so busy I can barely do the computer thing. However, I am reading (Shelly Laurenston, Spine Surgery- 2008 Edition, Diagnosing Temperal Arteritis, The Eye of the Tempest by Nicole Peeler (that woman has a way with words!), the Parasol Protectorate books), tending to The Temperamental Mr. Bee, waiting for my first grandchild (screaming at my eldest to have unprotected sex with his wife is a bit tachy) and otherwise doing pretty well. I am still writing now and then (see inside- [smile] and generally aging gracefully (I am 55 now and ate at Denny's off the Senior Menu for my birthday (Life on the Edge). I have been lurcking for about a week or so to catch up.

Captain Lee and the Laundry

The Temperamental Mr. Bee is an “aviation professional with extensive international experience and over 17,000 hours of flight time”. He has numerous aviation licenses, multi-continent cultural/transportation familiarity, has been to 2/3 of the world’s countries, is well grounded in physics/math/engineering, can balance a checkbook in his head and can run through checklists for everything from a 2-seat puddle jumper airplane through a 747 from memory. He could be in Mensa if he didn’t think they were stuck-up pilot wanna-be’s and can cook fairly well when he wants to. But, doing the laundry correctly SEEMS to be beyond his developmental and intellectual capabilities.

We have been married for 30 years, 329 days and 22 hours but doing the laundry correctly continues to be problematic. This is specifically regarding MY laundry. According to the Temperamental Mr. Bee, doing my laundry is fraught (fraught? Who uses fraught in conversation these days?) with danger, disaster and the end of civilization as we know it! He claims that doing my laundry is more complicated than a 747 checklist!!! I am setting him up for failure, this self-esteem can not take the psychic trauma and I never did love him! (During these conversations there is a lot of arm waving and exclamation points-he is a Leo afterall)

Well, to try and understand how complex laundry instructions are when compared to a 747, I drew up the take-off checklist. There are 22 multi-item checklists that have to be done before taking off, during flight and then landing. 22 CHECKLISTS!! These include such simple activities such as IAS/MACH selector, Right ELEC Demand Pump, A/T Switches, Runway TurnOff/Taxi Light Switches, setting the parking brake, turning off the APU/EXT PWR Switches and turning off the battery (so it will restart the next time?). Not to mention communicating with the tower and trying to understand directions when personnel can barely speak English. Oh yes, and mentoring/teaching first officers and flight engineers at the same time. This is not a job for someone who is mentally or systems challenged.

But when it comes to laundry, The Temperamental Mr. Bee turns into a defensive, fantasy-based moron (he says there are little fluffy bunnies, flying ponies, glitter and no washing machines in his fantasy based world). He can not match socks, remember when to use fabric softener, remember to pre-treat spots and then hang up clothes instead of folding them. I have found my business suits wadded up and stuffed into drawers, black and red socks folded together, wool and cashmere sweaters washed and dried so that the cat can now wear them, 1 tennis shoe washed with some shirts and gym clothes washed with lace bras and panties. I pulled a pair of boxer briefs out of my underwear drawer and I knew these were not a new product in the Hanes For Her spring line.

His laundry checklist is a follows:
1. No fabric softener- it makes him smell like a poof and his clothes aren’t comfty.
2. Sometimes his underwear is supposed to be gray so I shouldn’t worry so much. It was bought that color.

My checklist:
1. Don’t wash my clothes.
2. If you do-
a. Check and see if it can be washed.
b. Pre-treat stains.
c. Use fabric softener.
d. Hang everything up except my underwear and pajamas.
e. Don’t wash my shoes.
f. If the stain didn’t come out, don’t put it in the dryer.

Is this a 22 section, over 200 item checklist? No I don’t think so. Is his IQ so deficient that he can not handle laundry? No I don’t think so. Is it because he doesn’t care about doing laundry the correct way in the first place? BINGO!!!!!! Is it because he knows if he screws it up consistently and with a deafening amount of complaining/whining, I will roll my eyes and do it myself? BINGO, BINGO!!!!!!

So, The Laundry Soap Opera will be an ongoing saga until we are too old to argue, too rich to have to do our own laundry or one of us is dead from a savage but tragic beating with a clothes hanger . His tombstone will read “A Great Pilot, Father and Husband But He Isn’t Doing Laundry In Heaven.

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Replies:

[> Sorry for the long post- I thought the Bee thing would be inside somehow. -- Bee, Thursday, August 04, 07:31:30pm


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[> BEE! How great to see you - and to read another funny Bee-Mused! How I've missed you AND your stories! -- Judy, Thursday, August 04, 08:41:42pm


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[> Ms. Bee, you have been SOARLY missed!!!! Your stories are such a hoot & put everyone in such a GREAT mood esp. me.. Please try to come by often, even if just to say hi!! -- LindaW £inda, Thursday, August 04, 09:42:51pm


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[> Yay!!!! Bee! I'm so happy to be able to read more Be-mused also! -- SKYE, Friday, August 05, 12:01:05pm

Hi

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[> So glad to see you Ms. Bee!! I can understand your plight (who uses the word 'plight' in a response post nowadays? LOL) because my dh will throw in gym clothes with dress clothes and you get all the little balls all over your stuff....UGH. One thing he WON'T do (that he had to teach me NOT to do) is put towels in with anything that isn't a towel. We got tired of the little terry cloth balls on our sheets. LOL. Great seeing you and know that you two aren't the only ones with the laundry dilemma. -- Robin, Saturday, August 06, 08:19:35am


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[> Great to see you, Bee! And I feel your pain. All my laundry (if I'm fool enough to let Him get near it) winds up wadded in balls, too. Except my unmentionables, which are too *embarrassing* to fold at all and are stuffed into a Shaw's Supermarket bag and left in the kitchen. BUT I must confess that I have used Mr. Bee's method to avoid gardening for the past 45 years! The first year we were married, he sent me out to weed, and I carefully pulled up every third bean plant (yes, on purpose - I knew perfectly well what bean plants looked like - I just didn't/don't like gardening!). He restricted my gardening duties from then on to *here, cook this*. Yay! -- Merry, Monday, August 08, 07:28:44am


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[> pilots -- Candy Clark, Saturday, August 13, 02:55:33pm

My husband is retired form Continental Airlines(now United) and flew 777's to Europe before he retired. I have often remarked how amazing it is he could operate such a complex piece of machinery, but failed to understand how to locate the "on" switch on a vacuum, much less the "start" button on a dishwasher and was completely flummoxed by a washing machine.

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[> [> It is a fascinating puzzle. Perhaps they are really flying savants- out of the cockpit, they are TOTALL useless domestically. Hmmm.... -- Bee, Sunday, August 14, 05:46:49pm


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