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Date Posted: 13:06:15 05/20/04 Thu
Author: By Jim Sulski
Subject: telltale signs your date has a dark side

4 telltale signs your date has a dark side
By Jim Sulski

After going through a fairly excruciating divorce, Bill started dating for the first time in more than a decade.

One of the first women he met was Sherri, a publicist and mother of two. Sherri was everything Bill's ex-wife wasn't: perky, spontaneous, funny and sexy. Bill was in love and he felt he had met his true match.

Until the third date. That's when Sherri started exhibiting small signs of "instability."

"I noticed during dinner, when we were talking about her ex-husband, she shredded her napkin into bits," Bill recalls. "It was a cloth napkin."

After dinner, Bill walked Sherri back to her car. They discovered she had been ticketed. "She launched into a profanity-laced diatribe about the mayor," he says. "That's when I realized that she was in need of some anger management therapy."

After years of an unhappy marriage, Bill wasn't ready to take on someone else with "issues." He gently backed out of his relationship with Sherri. "Her behavior opened my eyes to the fact that seemingly normal people may have a few peculiarities that you should be concerned about," he says.

Here are a few other telltale signs that an ideal match may have a dark side:

1. The dependency
Be it alcohol, a best friend or shoes, signs of a dependency can spell problems, says Lillian, a chef. "I met Tom through an online match and when we corresponded via email, he was charming," she says. "When we finally got together for dinner, he left the table several times. I thought he had a weak bladder. Turns out he was slamming shots in the bar. Not a good start to a relationship, I thought."

2. The regret
If your new match still talks about their glory days on the high school basketball squad, take warning, says Barb, a nurse. "I dated this guy Bill who was 45 but still obsessed with his days as a high school champion," she says. "We didn't date long."

Here are a few other common regrets: not stopping the career long enough to have children, or not following dreams to Hollywood.

"We would all like to be rich and famous," Barb says. "But that's not possible. I've decided to look for someone who talks about how happy they are with the choices they made."

3. The secrets
The "secrets" that should have been revealed on the first date. Watch out for those matches who hold back information about their lives. For example, Lana met Ross, a successful stockbroker, at a party. After they dated several times and spent a night together, Lana was hooked.

Then, during a Sunday brunch with her parents at a nearby restaurant, Lana ran into Ross — with his two kids. "I was flabbergasted, considering I just spent the last hour telling my parents how wonderful he was," she says. "He later told me that it wasn't my business at that point in our relationship that he had kids. I told him 'good-bye.'"

4. The mysterious occupation
If your match isn't open about what he or she does, that's usually a red flag. Betty says John was a great date but wouldn't be clear about the line of work he was in. "He told me he was a 'consultant with certain government agencies,'" she says. "I felt I was a bit player in a Steven Seagal movie. I stopped taking his calls after that."

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