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Date Posted: 11:56:33 06/20/04 Sun
Author: GIRL TALK-Abi Aquino
Subject: 7 Divine Secrets of the Pinay Sisterhood

GIRL TALK

7 Divine Secrets of the Pinay Sisterhood
-Abi Aquino

Find out the sacred truths of Pinay friendships.

What would you be if you didn't have your friends? A lonely, bored woman with bushy brows, that's what. Your girlfriends are so totally crucial to your development as a person and woman, that it's imperative you know how to spot the friendships worth nurturing for the rest of your life… and the friendships that aren't. But have you ever noticed how some women just seem to have the coolest friendships, while other women just can't seem to create a long-lasting, meaningful relationship with another woman? Talk about chick lit: Cosmo's jotted down the top secrets of divine pinay sisterhood-think of it as your gal-pal manual--to guide you through every possible situation you'll ever encounter with your best babe buds.

DIVINE SECRET #1: Friends are everywhere. The trick is to be open to new opportunities. New technologies (that's Friendster to you!) and avenues are springing up left and right, allowing you to meet new interesting people beyond your ordinary social circles. Where to meet and make new friends? Try joining more non-office activities, like being a member of a nearby gym, a charity group, or even an egroup dedicated to a particular hobby or theme.

DIVINE SECRET #2: Chika goes a long way. You may be the silent type, but if you want to make new friends, or even deepen existing friendships, you'll need to sharpen that tongue. McGinnis lists these simple talk techniques that can help you strengthen that new friendship:

Be liberal with praise.

Learn to listen.

Dispense advice sparingly.

Use your body to demonstrate warmth. Anthropologist David Givens, author of Love Signals, says that mirroring a person's gestures and posture sends a message that you find them interesting to talk to.
DIVINE SECRET #3: Friends need space. If you're supposed to be best friends until you turn grey and die, why isn't she returning your nightly wrap-up calls? A lot of women find themselves in a confused state when they start feeling their closest chums drawing away from them. "Too much time, proximity, and closeness can become a bad thing," says Antonia Perez, author of The Friendship Tree. "In order to grow and deepen a friendship, people need space and time apart as well-a life of their own."

DIVINE SECRET#4: Friends help you live longer. We've all known secretly that friends are way better (and cheaper!) than going to a shrink or spending thousands of pesos on expensive aromatherapy massages and treatments. But a UCLA study actually discovered that when women run to their friends to distress, they produce higher levels of a hormone called oxytocin, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect.

DIVINE SECRET #5: Friends (and family) should always come first. Yes , yes, we all know that you're a modern woman, capable of holding her own among the men-but that doesn't mean that you should commit the same mistakes they do. While work should be an essential part of your life, it shouldn't mean that you should place it as your number one priority. "The relationships that matter most to you-with your parents, with your religion, and with your friends-these should be given an equal amount of importance in your life," says Clarin.

DIVINE SECRET #6: There are different kinds of friends, for different kinds of reasons. You've probably read the chain email going around: there are friends who will be there for a lifetime, and there are friends who will last as long as this season's hot new style. While it is ideal to think that certain friendships will last forever, understand that they have been introduced into your life for you to learn a particular life lesson. Be grateful for whatever wisdom or experience these people have contributed to your life, be gracious, and move on.

DIVINE SECRET #7: Be friends with yourself first. How can you allow yourself to be open to the friendships of other women when you can't even like yourself first? Bell Hooks, renowned feminist and cultural critic, says in her book All About Love that the first step towards self-love is overcoming low self-esteem. "Self-love is the foundation of our loving practice," explains Hooks. "Without it, our other efforts to love fail. Although it isn't impossible, it is very difficult and rare for us to be able to extend unconditional love to others, largely because we cannot exercise control over the behavior of someone else and we cannot predict or utterly control our responses to their actions." One of the best ways to begin is to give yourself the attention and caring you may seek from others.


Published in Cosmopolitan Magazine last May 2004 issue.
Link: http://www.femalenetwork.com/body/articles/1082707045

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