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Subject: 5x10R: Ink Stains


Author:
by {mikeyG} and VKMax
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Date Posted: 04:17:22 01/30/04 Fri
Author Host/IP: 62.252.0.6

EXT – WOLFRAM & HART OFFICE – DAY

LAWYERS, ASSISTANTS AND OTHER EMPLOYEES ARE BUSY BUSTLING AROUND THE MAIN OFFICE.

INT – WOLFRAM & HART OFFICE: FRED’S LAB – DAY

SPIKE LAYS ON A METAL EXAMINING TABLE, NAKED EXCEPT A WHITE SHEET COVERING HIS LOWER HALF. AROUND HIM W&H SCIENTISTS ARE ANALYZING SHEETS OF PAPER AND VARIOUS MACHINES SURROUNDING SPIKE’S BED. MANY OF THEM SEEM EXCITED AND OTHERS LOOK VERY CONFUSED. SPIKE HIMSELF LOOKS VERY UNCOMFORTABLE BEING UNDER SUCH CLOSE SCRUTINY. ARRIVING WITH A CLIPBOARD IS KNOX, WHO SEEMS VERY EXCITED. HE HURRIEDLY RUNS UP TO FRED, WHO IS STANDING AMONGST THE SCIENTISTS WITH HER HAIR UP IN A PONYTAIL AND HER GLASSES ON. IT’S OBVIOUS THE FRED IS IN FULL-ON SCIENTIST MODE AND LOVING IT.

KNOX
(waving clipboard)
Fred! Fred!

FRED TURNS, KNOX NEARLY KNOCKING HER OVER IN HIS HASTE. HE SMILES HIS APOLOGY THEN HANDS FRED THE CLIPBOARD.

FRED
(reading clipboard)
Is this - ?

KNOX
(nodding)
Yup. His Blood Analysis results.

AS FRED IS READING THE RESULTS OF SPIKE’S BLOOD TEST, LILAH ENTERS THE LAB. SHE STROLLS CASUALLY TOWARDS SPIKE, TOTALLY IGNORING FRED AND KNOX. FRED LOOKS UP FROM THE CLIPBOARD TO LOOK AT LILAH AS SHE PASSES BY.

FRED
(irritated)
What are you doing here, Lilah?

LILAH
(smiling down at Spike)
I’m visiting the patient.

SPIKE
(uncomfortable)
Could you not call me that?

FRED
(to Lilah)
Who gave you permission to be in my lab?

LILAH
(turning to face Fred)
The boss did. You call him Angel. He has other priorities at the present time, so he gave me authorisation to keep tabs on you and your new science project.
(turning back to Spike)
So you managed to survive Hell for months, alone and naked? How’d you manage that?

SPIKE
(still very uncomfortable)
Well, I –

LILAH IGNORES SPIKE, LIFTING UP THE SHEET AND PEEKING UNDERNEATH. SPIKE IS CAUGHT OFF GUARD AND SCRAMBLES TO RECOVER THE SHEET.

SPIKE
(angry)
Oi! I don’t think this is bloody-well acceptable behaviour since I only met you a few days ago!!

LILAH
(whispering to Spike)
At least we know how you manage.
(turning back to look at Fred, who is still reading the clipboard)
So, what’s the verdict? Hellboy here human?

SPIKE SITS UP SUDDENLY, LOOKING AT FRED EXPECTANTLY FOR THE ANSWER. FRED BECOMES FLUSTERED, UNSURE HOW TO ANSWER.

FRED
According to these test results and all our other reports, it appears our initial assumption was right. Spike is human.
(beat)
Conclusively.

SPIKE TAKES IN THE FINAL RESULTS CALMLY, WITH AN UNREADABLE LOOK ON HIS FACE. HE LAYS BACK DOWN, LOOKING AWAY FROM THE OTHERS.

SPIKE
Bloody told you – you just wanted me naked

LILAH
Wow, alone, naked and human; that’s quite the accomplishment. Score one for Team Blonde.

FRED
(to Knox)
Get Angel, tell him the results, he’ll want to know.

KNOX TURNS TO LEAVE AND FRED LOOKS AT SPIKE IN AWE. REALIZING SOMETHING, FRED RUNS AFTER KNOX BEFORE HE CAN LEAVE THE LAB.

FRED
And Knox, get Spike some clothes. He spent the last four months naked, that’s enough for a while.

Starring
David Boreanaz
Vincent Karthieser
Amy Acker
J August Richard
James Marsters
Stephanie Romanov
and Alexis Denisof

Special Guest Star : Alyson Hannigan
guest starring: Brian T. Skala, Jonathan M. Woodward

act 1 & 2 by {mikeyG}. Act 3 & 4 by VKMax

INT – WOLFRAM & HART: FRED’S LAB – DAY

SPIKE SITS ON THE BED, ONLY NOW FULLY CLOTHED IN JEANS AND A RED SHIRT. AROUND HIM STANDS FRED, WES, LILAH, GUNN AND WILLOW. THEY ALL SEEM VERY INTERESTED IN SPIKE, THOUGH SPIKE SEEMS LIKE HE REALLY WANTS TO BE ELSEWHERE.

WILLOW
I can’t believe it. I mean I sorta have to, cuz you’re here and doing the breathing thing, but it’s just so amazing. I can’t even imagine how Buffy will –

SPIKE SUDDENLY PERKS UP AND LOOKS AT WILLOW VERY SERIOUSLY.

SPIKE
She can’t know. Not yet.

WILLOW
(apologetically)
Oh, uh, of course. It’s too soon, I totally get that. You’re gonna need time to adjust, I should’ve seen that.

SPIKE
Right that and the fact that you’re the one who told me not to tell her

GUNN
(confused)
So this is the William the Bloody? Angel’s boy back in the day, killer of two slayers, crazed vamp William the Bloody?

WILLOW
This is our Spike, though kinda new and improved.

GUNN
Wow, he doesn’t look that tough, despite what I’ve seen him do.

SPIKE
(quirking an eyebrow)
Killed more than my share, mate. Care to make it one more?

GUNN
(jokingly)
Think you can take me?

SPIKE
I’d say it’s a sure bet.

GUNN
(chuckling)
He ain’t half bad.

WES
(reverently)
He’s more than that. He’s a legend, much like Angelus. They roamed Europe for decades, leaving behind a trail of death and destruction. He earned the nickname Spike for torturing his victims with railroad spikes.

LILAH
Well thank you for the backstory, Wes, but next time try that without the drool.

WES
(scowling at Lilah)
When he was still a vampire, William the Bloody earned that title with pure vicious behavior. Few Watchers have had the opportunity to be in his presence and live to talk about the encounter. His actions are well chronicled by the Council. I actually knew another Watcher who wrote her thesis on him. And now here he is, human.

ANGEL
(os)
I knew him back then. Not that impressive.

EVERYONE TURNS TO FACE ANGEL WHO HAS JUST ENTERED THE LAB AND IS STILL STANDING IN THE DOORWAY. AS HE MOVES TOWARDS THE GROUP, SPIKE REGARDS HIM SARDONICALLY.

SPIKE
Missed you, too, Peaches. Was wondering when you’d come visit the living miracle.

ANGEL
The real miracle is how you’re still here.
(to Fred)
Are the tests all finished?

FRED
(flustered)
Um, yes, we’re all done here.

ANGEL
Then I think it’s time Spike here moved on to more welcoming pastures.

LILAH
Meow.

ANGEL
Shut up, Lilah.

WILLOW
(trying to relieve some tension)
Did you hear about –

ANGEL
Yeah, I know all about Spike’s little transformation. And Willow?

WILLOW
(sadly)
Yeah?

ANGEL
Don’t you have research to be doing? Pretty dire stuff if I remember correctly.

WILLOW DOESN”T REPLY, SHE SIMPLY WALKS OUT OF THE LAB, SHOOTING THE REST OF THE GROUP A LOOK TO EXPRESS HER GRIEF OVER ANGERING ANGEL. ANGEL THEN CONTINUES ON TO JOIN THE REST OF THE GROUP.

ANGEL
(to Spike)
So are these all your things, or will you need help packing?

GUNN
Angel, man, why are you so hard on him? Cut him a break, it’s gotta be rough to be him right now.

WES
Yes, I don’t think it’s wise to force him out on his own so soon. We have no idea how his sudden resurfacing will affect him. His current condition may only be temporary.

ANGEL
He doesn’t have the flu, Wes, he’s human. And he needs to go.

SPIKE
(scoffing)
So much for helping the helpless.

ANGEL
I’ve known you for over a century, Spike, and you’ve never been helpless. And since when do you ever ask for help, is this some kind of trick?

SPIKE
Would that make you feel better for getting rid of me?

ANGEL
No, Spike. The only thing that’ll make me feel better is knowing you’re gone. Gone from this office, gone from this city.
(speaking with finality)
You’ve got two hours.

ANGEL TURNS AND LEAVES THE LAB, LEAVING EVERYONE IN A STUPOR, EXCEPT SPIKE WHO IS LAUGHING TO HIMSELF.

SPIKE
Pleasant git, isn’t he?

FRED
(worried)
What’s gotten into him?

GUNN
For real, cuz he was pretty chummy with Spike yesterday.

SPIKE
(sarcastically)
Well, I did steal his shoes.

WES
This whole situation must be very overwhelming for him. Spike has apparently Shanshued. We always believed that was Angel’s reward. Now with Spike here, it must be casting a lot of doubt on what he believed.

GUNN
Hard or not, he shouldn’t be able to kick Spike out like this. Even if he is the boss.
(to Spike)
Don’t worry, we got your back.

CLOSE UP OF SPIKE’S FACE. HE IS SMILING, BUT IN A FALSE WAY.

SPIKE
Wonderful.

CUT TO.

INT – WOLFRAM & HART: ANGEL’S OFFICE – NIGHT

ANGEL SITS ALONE AT HIS DESK, OBVIOUSLY IN DEEP BROODING MODE. IN A FLASH HE STANDS UP, THROWING THE ITEMS ON HIS DESK ONTO THE FLOOR IN A RAGE. STILL NOT SATISFIED, ANGEL PUSHES HIS DESK RIGHT THROUGH HIS WINDOW, SENDING IT CAREENING TO THE GROUND BELOW.

WILLOW
(O.S)
You know, when I want a change of scenery, I just hire a redecorator.

ANGEL TURNS TO FIND WILLOW STANDING IN THE DOORWAY, HOLDING ONTO A BOOK.

WILLOW
(off Angel’s look)
Of course, if rage is what works for you…

ANGEL
(impatient)
What did you find?

WILLOW SIGHS THEN REGARDS ANGEL SERIOUSLY.

WILLOW
(calm)
I’m sorry if we’re making you feel all isolate-y with our whole Spike fascination. It’s just it takes getting used to, you know?
(off another Angel scowl)
Yeah, I guess you kinda do. Just, we don’t mean to make you all ‘grrr’.

ANGEL
(obviously trying to change the subject)
Willow, what did you find out?

WILLOW
(getting it)
Ok. Well, there’s some bad news, and then there’s worse news.

End Act One

~

Act Two

INT - WOLFRAM & HART: ANGEL’S OFFICE – NIGHT

ANGEL STARES BLANKLY AT WILLOW, WAITING TO HEAR HER NEWS.

WILLOW
The mystical hotspot surrounding California is definitely growing. Demon activity is only going to get bigger and fiercer until this whole area becomes like this huge frenzy of demon-y violence. That’s the bad news.

ANGEL
And the worse news?

WILLOW
(uneasy)
There’s a spell that I can use to stop the hotspot altogether.
(getting excited)
Like a big fire extinguisher putting out a four alarm blaze, or or or –

ANGEL
Willow.
(beat)
That’s not bad news.

WILLOW
Oh.
(beat)
Sorry. I guess I’ll get to that.

ANGEL
Might be a good thing to do.

WILLOW
(pacing, her speech speeding up as she goes)
The problem isn’t the spell, it’s the spell’s secondary effect. In order to diffuse all the evil, demonic energy, the spell will need to diffuse non-evil energy as a balance. Like a karmic price for doing such good, we have to lose something in return.

ANGEL
Willow, slow down and explain that again, but this time just a little bit simpler.

WILLOW
Sorry. Basically in order for me to work this, we’ll have to make a sacrifice to equal the good we’ll be doing. This spell will banish all mystical beings in the area along with the demonic energy. You, the slayers, most demons, Connor; any living thing that was brought into the world with mystical energies. All gone.

ANGEL
Evacuation. We could –

WILLOW
No, Angel. I thought of that, too. But a certain amount of sacrifice needs to be made or the spell won’t work. Plus, by the time the evacuation could be executed the hotspot will have grown to be too big to be stopped.

ANGEL
We need a different plan.

WILLOW
(shooting him a ‘well duh’ look)
If you can think of something, I’d love to hear it.

ANGEL AND WILLOW BOTH STAND IN THOUGHTFUL SILENCE, EACH TRYING TO COME UP WITH A BETTER PLAN. ANGEL QUICKLY COMES UP WITH SOMETHING, A PLAN FORMING, PLAYING OUT IN HIS FACIAL FEATURES, WHICH SOON TURN INTO A RELIEVED EXPRESSION.

ANGEL
Willow, this hot spot is only growing because the Hellmouth was destroyed and the energy had no focus, right?

WILLOW
(nodding)
That’s pretty much it, yeah.

ANGEL
So we give it focus. Create a new spot for the energy to concentrate. Make Los Angeles that centre so I can keep watch on it personally.

WILLOW
That’s a great plan and all, but I’m not even sure if that’s possible.

ANGEL
Willow, make it possible.

CUT TO.

INT – WOLFRAM & HART: CAFETERIA – Night

FRED, WES, GUNN AND SPIKE ARE ALL SITTING AT A TABLE TOGETHER. THEY ALL HAVE FOOD, BUT SPIKE SEEMS UNINTERESTED IN EATING. HE STARES OFF INTO SPACE AS THE OTHER THREE DISCUSS ANGEL AND SPIKE AND EVERYTHING THAT’S BEEN HAPPENING.

WES
I suppose it raises the question of if Angel will Shanshu at all now, doesn’t it?

FRED
I’m not too clear on it, or even if it matters at all, though I guess it explains a lot about Angel’s recent behaviour. For a while I thought he was almost happy to see Spike, but now…

GUNN
Yeah, it’s like something’s getting to him and he’s just unleashing it all on our boy here.

FRED
Well maybe Angel’s always been this way with Spike.
(to Spike)
Spike? You’ve known him longer than any of us; is this normal for Angel?

SPIKE
(snapping out of his daze)
What? I don’t know. We’ve always had what you might call a complicated relationship.

WES
I have read some accounts of spats between them over the years. Especially where Drusila is concerned.

FRED
(confused)
Drusila? Who’s that?

SPIKE BEGINS TO DRIFT AWAY AGAIN, NOT WANTING TO BE A PART OF THIS WALK DOWN A VERY SHADY MEMORY LANE.

GUNN
Angel made her a vampire, and she made Spike. Wolfram & Hart called her in a few years back to make Darla a vamp again.

WES
Spike and Drusila were also quite involved for over a century.

FRED
Wow, with one person for that long, that’s romantic.
(to Spike)
What was that like?

SPIKE
(obviously irritated)
Bloody great.

WILLOW ENTERS THE CAFETERIA, OBVIOUSLY SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE. WHEN SHE SPOTS THE GROUP SHE HEADS DIRECTLY TOWARDS THEM, SHE SEEMS LIKE SHE HAS A LOT ON HER MIND.

FRED
Hi, Willow! Care to join us?

WILLOW
(a bit rushed)
No, sorry, I’m in the middle of stuff. But thanks.
(to Wes)
I need your help with something.

WES
Sure, what is it?

WILLOW
A translation of a spell Angel wants.

WES
(standing up)
We can start right now. What is it for?

WILLOW
I’ll explain later.

WES
(preparing to leave)
Ok, let’s get going, then.
(to Fred, Gunn and Spike)
We’ll talk later.

FRED
Ok, bye.

GUNN
Later.

WES AND WILLOW QUICKLY LEAVE THE CAFETERIA, JUST AS LILAH ENTERS. SHE EYES WES AS HE LEAVES THEN TURNS HER ATTENTION TO SPIKE. SHE HEADS INTO THE LINE TO GET SOME FOOD, BUT KEEPS A CLOSE WATCH ON SPIKE.

FRED
Wonder what that’s all about?

GUNN
Don’t worry about it, we’ll be in on it eventually.

FRED
Yeah.
(beat, to Spike)
So what’s it like?

SPIKE
What?

FRED
Being human?

SPIKE
Shouldn’t you know?

FRED
(laughing because she thinks Spike was joking)
No, I mean after being a vampire so long. Being human again must be overwhelming. It’s overwhelming, isn’t it?

SPIKE
Like a lot of things.

GUNN
Now Fred, leave our boy alone, he must be getting tired.

FRED
Well , I just have so many questions!
(to Spike)
Like do you remember anything about being trapped in the Hellmouth? Do you like being human again? What are you going to do next? What is this Buffy like? Angel never talks about her, but I’ve heard some things from Cordy and Wes. Are you going to try and find her?

SPIKE
(standing up)
Much as I’d love to stay and play Twenty Questions, luv, I need a smoke.

GUNN
Just got you’re breath back and you already want to clog up your lungs?

SPIKE
Who needs clean air in LA, anyway?

WITH THAT SPIKE WALKS OUT, LEAVING A CONFUSED FRED AND GUNN.

FRED
Was it something we said?

LILAH
(O.S)
I think you scared him off, sweetie.

LILAH WALKS OVER TO THEM, MUNCHING ON AN APPLE.

FRED
Lilah, always a pleasure. Oh wait, it isn’t. And why do you need to eat? You’re dead.

LILAH
I have a womanly figure to keep up, you know about that. Oh wait, no you don’t.

SMILING, LILAH WALKS OFF.

FRED
I really hate that bitch.

CUT TO.

INT - WOLFRAM & HART: ANGEL’S OFFICE – NIGHT

ANGEL SITS AT HIS DESK, LOOKING AROUND AT THE MESS HE MADE EARLIER. WILLOW AND WES ENTER HIS OFFICE, CARRYING A PIECE OF PAPER WITH THE TRANSLATED SPELL ON IT.

ANGEL
Can you do it?

WILLOW
(smiling)
Give me an hour, maybe two.

ANGEL
Perfect. In a few hours the hotspot will be gone and so will Spike.

WES AND WILLOW EXCHANGE A LOOK.

WES
Angel, perhaps you should talk to him.

ANGEL
Talk to Spike? You really don’t know him well.

WILLOW
I do. And I know that that however hard this may be for you, it’s gotta be like a zillion times harder for him. And he’s alone.

ANGEL
Willow, just get the spell done. Let me know how it goes.

WILLOW SEEMS ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING, BUT STOPS HERSELF. NODDING TO WES, THEY BOTH LEAVE ANGEL ALONE IN HIS OFFICE.

ANGEL
(to himself)
He’s not alone, he’s got all his fans around here.

CUT TO.

EXT – GAS STATION – MORNING

SPIKE APPROACHES THE GAS STATION, NEEDING TO GET AWAY FROM THE OFFICE AS MUCH AS HE NEEDED SOME SMOKES. ALSO WALKING TO THE GAS STATION ARE CONNOR AND CODY, WHO ARE OUT PICKING UP SOMETHING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST. CONNOR SPOTS SPIKE AND JOBS UP TO HIM.

CONNOR
Hey!

SPIKE
Hello there. Long night or early morning?

CONNOR
(laughing)
Early morning. Breakfast time, I’m buying.

SPIKE
(eyeing Cody as he advances them)
Aren’t you a hero, helping out a friend.

CONNOR
I guess. Hey, thanks for the drink the other night.

SPIKE
Was nothing.

CONNOR
So how are you adjusting to the city?

SPIKE
I’m not really.

CONNOR
That’s too bad. What’s the problem?

SPIKE
People, mostly. Starting to wish I could just make them all forget I exist.

CUT TO.

EXT – WOLFRAM & HART: ROOF – DAY

WILLOW SITS IN THE MIDDLE OF A DESIGN MADE OF CHALK, WES CIRCLING HER WAVING BURNING INCENSE. WILLOW HAS THE TRANSLATION AND SHE’S MEDITATING IN PREPARATION FOR THE SPELL

WILLOW
Ok, I’m ready to start.

WES NODS AT HER, PREPARING FOR THE INTENSE MAGIC HE KNOWS HE’S ABOUT TO WITNESS.

WILLOW
(reciting the spell)
By the name of the power,
By the might of the word,
Source of evils great and small,
I beseech you.

AS WILLOW BEGINS HER SPELL, WES STARTS TO CHANT IN TANDEM FROM THE BOOK THE TRANSLATION CAME FROM. HE SPEAKS IS A DEMON LANGUAGE, HIS WORDS INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM EACH OTHER.

May your disorder be undone,
May your chaos be chained,
Great tide of sin,
I call.

AS THE SPELL CONTINUES, A HARSH WING WHIPS AROUND THE ROOF. THE SKY ABOVE THEM BEGINS TO GLOW A PALE GREEN AS THE DEMONIC ENERGY BEGINS TO FLOW AND SWELL AROUND THE OFFICE.

With this cry for serenity,
With my plea for calm,
Be bound to this place,
Fixed forevermore.

THE SPELL COMPLETE, WILLOW STRETCHES HER ARMS IN FRONT OF HER, A GLOWING GREEN ORB PULSATING BETWEEN HER HANDS. AS WES ENDS HIS CHANT, THE ORB SHOOTS DOWN TOWARDS THE GROUND, PASSING THROUGH THE ROOF LIKE A GHOST. THE SKY GROANED WITH ENERGY AS THE SWIRLING POWER FLOWED AFTER THE ORB, CHASING IT INTO THE EARTH BENEATH THE FIRM. THEN AS QUICKLY AS THE SPELL BEGAN, IT WAS OVER. WILLOW SAT, PANTING FROM THE EXERTION.

WES
Is it done?

WILLOW
Angel’s got his very own Hellmouth about six floors down. No giant demon-portal thing, though.

LILAH
(os, clapping)
Well done.

WES AND WILLOW TURN TO SEE LILAH STANDING AT THE ROOF ACCESS DOOR.

WES
How did you –

LILAH
Know? Let’s just say word travels fast. Neat spell, very shimmery.

WILLOW
What do you want?

LILAH
I just thought I’d congratulate you on a job well done. You saved the day, plus you made Wolfram & Hart the true center for evil in the city. So if we weren’t the place to be before, we sure as Hell are now.

WES
It needed to be done.

LILAH
And you sure did. And I think Willow here is the one who needs to be rewarded.

WILLOW
(confused)
Rewarded?

LILAH
It’s your lucky day, we’re offering you a job.

WILLOW
(shocked)
A job?

LILAH
You got power, twinkie, power the firm would love to have on staff.

WILLOW
(mistrustful)
Is that a fact?

LILAH
Of course you can think it over. The offer will stand.

WILLOW
I don’t need to think about it. I have my answer right now.

LILAH
Wonderful. Should I get a contract written up?

WILLOW
Only if you need something to wipe with, because you can take your job offer and shove it.
(beat, Willow flashes a classic Willow-smile)
Thank you.

LILAH
(scornful)
I’ll be sure to have that contract made, for when you change your mind.

WILLOW
Don’t bet on it.

LILAH
We’ll see. I mean, I managed to snag Angel and his noble crew. How long do you think it’ll take to get you?

WITH THAT LILAH TURNS AND WALKS DOWN THE ROOF ACCESS STAIRS, LEAVING WES TO CONSIDER HIS PLACE IN THE FIRM AND WILLOW TO WONDER IF SHE CAN REALLY HOLD OUT ON LILAH’S OFFER

EXT – GAS STATION – DAY

SPIKE IS STOOD, OR MORE LEANT AGAINST THE WALL OF THE MAIN STATION AS CONNOR AND CODY STAND INFRONT OF HIM EATING A LARGE BAG OF TWINKIES

CODY EYES SPIKE UP AND DOWN CURIOUSLY

SPIKE
Healthy breakfast
(pause)
This your boyfriend?

CONNOR/CODY
No!!

SPIKE
You just eye blokes up a lot then?

CODY
Just wondering if the smell’s coming from you

SPIKE
Oi!
(sniffs himself)
Oh, right – that smell. I’ve not really had the chance to clean up since I got back from Hell…
(off their looks)
Hell…sinki, since I got back from Helsinki!

CONNOR
I’ve already known you for five days

SPIKE
Right but I was being all experimented on and stuff
(again off their looks)
What do you want my bloody biography or summit?

CONNOR
Sorry. So is Orio your brother?

SPIKE
Ori-who?

CONNOR
Mr. Angel?

SPIKE
Oh right
(laughing)
He wishes! He’s my…
(thinks)
He’s my uncle

CONNOR
Your Uncle?

SPIKE
Yeah, he wears a lot of make-up but don’t mention anything
(whispered)
He’s a little insecure with himself if you know what I mean.

CODY
So, what’s with the flashback?

SPIKE LOOKS AT HIM HEAD TILTED, ARCHED BROW – CONFUSED.

CODY
Billy Idol!

SPIKE
Say, kid you ever been hit real hard?

CODY
Like you wouldn’t believe

CODY STEPS UP TO SPIKES FACE AS THE TWO PRACTICALLY TOUCH NOSES.

CONNOR
Guys – cool it, let’s just go home or something – chill right?

CODY
I’m fine here

SPIKE
Perfect

CODY
Ain’t it just

SPIKE CONTINUES TO STARE HARD AT HIM BEFORE TURNING ON HIS HEELS AND WALKING AWAY.

SPIKE
Right, well. I’m off!

CONNOR CHASES HIM ACROSS THE MAIN GROUNDS OF THE STATION.

CONNOR
Hey wait up!

SPIKE
(fed up)
What?

CONNOR
A favour – for a favour.

CUT TO.

EXT – HYPERION – SUNSET

CONNOR COMES CRASHING TO THE FLOOR AS CODY FALLS DOWN BESIDE HIM LAUGHING.

CONNOR
I think I broke something

CODY
Was it the bottle?

CONNOR
No
(checks)
Just a bone

CODY
Then all is good.

AS THE TWO UNDERAGERS (EIGHTEEN AND SEVENTEEN) FALL ABOUT ON THE FLOOR IN A DRUNKEN STATE, SPIKE SLOWLY AND VERY UNENTHUSIASTICALLY PLODS UPTO THEM HOLDING A VERY LARGE BROWN BAG FULL OF BOTTLES.

SPIKE
Less than a week and I’m already back socialising with idiots a tenth of my age
(sigh)
I’d better get in a fight tonight.

INT – HYPERION – SUNSET

SPIKES STEPS DOWN THE STAIRS AND LOOKS AROUND THE MAIN RECEPTION OF THE HYPERION AS THE OTHER TWO PRAT ABOUT IN THE BACKGROUND.

SPIKE
Quite a place for someone your age…human at least
(beat)
very, ripe in fragrance.

CODY
Seventeen – cleaning not my gig

SPIKE OBSERVES THE CLOTHES HUNG OVER THE BANISTER AS HE STEPS FORWARD ONTO SOMETHING BLUE AND FURRY ATTACHED TO A PAPER PLATE.

SPIKE
So I see

HE CONTINUES TO WONDER THROUGH THE MAIN ROOM AS A CLANGING COMES FROM THE FAR SIDE.

CODY
What’ve you broken?

SPIKE
Wasn’t me
(casual)
You got yourself rats

CONNOR
Rats?

SPIKE
Well, big man shaped rats with sharp teeth

CONNOR
Radioactive?
(beat)
cool.

SPIKE LOOKS AT CONNOR LIKE HE WAS DROPPED ON HIS HEAD ON TOO MANY TIMES AS A CHILD.

SPIKE
(sarcastic)
Yeah, radioactive rats is what it is
(pause)
Bloody vampires you idiot

CODY
Vampires?

SPIKE
(rolling eyes)
Oh right, they’re real – and lots of stuff, werewolves and ghosts and…

CONNOR
We know – kinda

SPIKE
Kinda?

CONNOR
Weird bumpy dudes went some at college

SPIKE
Nice. Kill ‘em?

CONNOR
Totally

SPIKE
Up for a round?

CONNOR
Could be

CODY
I’ll get my bat

FROM THE SHADOWS STEPS FIVE VERY SIZEY VAMPIRES.

SPIKE
No time.

VAMPIRE#1
Well, if it isn’t William the Bloody…idiot

CODY
(laughing)
William?

SPIKE
(Ignoring)
Who’s there?

VAMPIRE#1
Wow, not many fathers wipe their childe from memory – well, there was this one guy…
(beat)
I hear your like soul boy now? All Slayer whipped and do-gooding.

SPIKE
Right, I forget there was a memo
(Frustrated)
So you gonna walk out and show your face or shall I come over and tear it off?

THE VAMPIRE STEPS OUT OF THE DARK TO REVEAL…

SPIKE
Jeremy?!

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[> Subject: 5x10R: Ink Stains


Author:
by {mikeyG} and VKMax
[Edit]

Date Posted: 04:18:51 01/30/04 Fri
Author Host/IP: 62.252.0.6

INT – WOLFRAM AND HART MAIN LOBBY – NIGHT

GUNN IS STOOD WITH KNOX DISCUSSING VARIOUS GADGETS THAT WOLFRAM & HART HAVE CREATED IN ORDER TO KEEP TABS ON THEIR CLIENTS INCLUDING A SPECIAL DIGITAL PEN WHICH ALL STAFF HAVE TO KEEP AN EYE ON THEM.

GUNN
Just from this little light?

KNOX
Yup

GUNN
Everything?

KNOX
Everything

GUNN
Even the complimentary pens in our bedrooms when we arrived?

KNOX
Most people chew or lose them

GUNN
It was pretty

KNOX
A-ha!

GUNN
So, you can really see everything – even…

KNOX
Don’t worry, I’m sure that you were just having difficulty applying that oil
(beat)
What, with your hands under the cover and all

BEFORE GUNN GETS A CHANCE TO REPLY IN DEFENSE, ANGEL SWEEPS ROUND THE CORNER, HIS JACKET CAPING BEHIND HIM AS HE STORMS AT GUNN.

GUNN
We’ll talk later.

GUNN CASUALLY TRACKS UPTO ANGEL AND CRACKS A SMILE

GUNN
What’s the hot rush?

ANGEL
Where’s Spike?

GUNN
Um, No Idea. Hey did you know that these pens…

ANGEL
I need to find him

GUNN
(concerned)
What’s wrong? Is he in trouble?

ANGEL
Not yet

GUNN
He’s gonna be in trouble?

ANGEL
When I get my hands on him

GUNN
What’d he do?

ANGEL
Stole me shoes – Literally

GUNN
You’re gonna kill a guy for stealing your shoes?

ANGEL
(Ignoring)
I told him he had two hours to leave

GUNN
…and?

ANGEL
It’s been a lot more and all he did was make a mess in the bathroom

GUNN
(sarcastic)
No way…he must die the limescaly bastard
(pause)
Angel calm down, just give the guy a break

GUNNS REALISES FROM ANGELS LOOK THAT THIS WAS CLEARLY NOT THE MOST CLEVER THING HE COULD’VE SAID AT THIS POINT IN TIME.

GUNN
The girls are in the library with English, maybe they saw him.

ANGEL
Good

ANGEL BEGINS TO WALK OFF AS A HEFTY PACE AS GUNN WATCHES HIM HARD

ANGEL
I swear – He drives me insane

GUNN
(Under breath)
That’s what I’m afraid of.

CUT TO.

INT – WOLFRAM AND HART LIBRARY – NIGHT

WILLOW, FRED AND WESLEY ARE SAT IN CIRCLE AMONGST A PILE OF CLOSED BOOKS. CLEARLY THEY’RE MEANT TO BE STUDYING/RESEARCHING YET THEIR DUTIES ARE SEEMINGLY BEING REPLACED WITH GOSSIP.

WILLOW
Yep, the whole thing

FRED
By a giant snake?

WESLEY
It was quite remarkable I must say

WILLOW
Except when you were crying and running away

SHE FLASHES HIM A TEASING SMILE WHICH HE DECLINES

FRED
Wesley? No way! He’s like Mr. Weapon man

WESLEY SMILES BACK AT WILLOW SURE OF HIMSELF

WILLOW
That’s not this is…

WESLEY
(Sharp)
Thankyou! I’m sure we can think of some other Sunnydale stories

WILLOW
Sorry, um, oh Okay this one time at the bronze my evil twin tried to eat everyone!

FRED
(gasp)
You have an evil twin?

WILLOW
Well
(sinking)
No, but almost – she was me but a vampire

FRED
You were a vampire?

WILLOW
Well, not so much but…I…it was – and she…
(defeated)
Wesley was a nerd!

HE LOOKS UP FROM A BOOK RATHER OFFENDED AS WILLOW SULKS AS SHE SIPS ON A CAPRI SUN

AS THEY SIT, SLOUCHED IN THEIR CHAIRS, ANGEL CRASHES THROUGH THE DOOR IN A RAGE. FRED AND WILLOW IMMEDIATELY HUSTLE FOR BOOKS AND OPEN THEM ON RANDOM PAGES.

WILLOW
..and then they eat your eyes and
(overly false)
Oh, Angel, Hey! We were just researching the uh, uh…

FRED
(to the rescue)
Demon!

WILLOW
Right demon that’s what we were researching
(quiet)
it was a demon

ANGEL LOOKS AT HER LIKE SHE’S INSANE AS WESLEY TURNS TO FACE ANGEL AND CAN SEE THE FRUSTRATION ON HIS FACE

WESLEY
Angel?

ANGEL
Spike

WESLEY
Wesley

ANGEL
Where is he?

WESLEY
I’m right here – maybe you’re under a little too much stress lately you should…

ANGEL
(hard)
Where. Is. Spike

WESLEY
Right, that **ahem** makes more sense – I’m not sure. Is there trouble?

ANGEL
Only for him

ANGEL TURNS TO WALK OFF AS FRED AND WILLOW WALK ROUND THE TABLE TO JOIN WES, THEY ALL WATCH FROM THE DOOR AS ANGEL STRIDES DOWN THE CORRIDOR.

WILLOW
Uh-oh, he has ‘Dawn spilt shake on my duster’ face

CUT TO.

INT – HYPERION – NIGHT

SPIKES STANDS OPPOSITE JEREMY AS CONNOR TAKES STAND BEHIND HIM AS HE SHIELDS (UNCONCIOUSLY) INFRONT OF CODY.

SPIKE
…and I thought this night couldn’t get worse

CONNOR
Who’s the guy…

SPIKE
Names Jeremy, sired him at a festival in ’92, followed me until I lost him outside of Sunnydale

CONNOR
Stalker

JEREMY
Hey!

SPIKE
His names not hey! It’s…what’s your name?

CONNOR
Connor

SPIKE
Right, his names Conran!

CONNOR
Connor!

SPIKE
I thought he was Connor

CODY
I’m Cody

SPIKE
So who’s Conran?

CODY
Nobody

SPIKE
You know, next time we meet you’ll need bloody name tags!
(beat)
Where was I?

CODY
Telling us about the stalker

SPIKE
Right, yeah, he’s an idiot!

JEREMY
Where’s the love man?

SPIKE
Same place you left your brains “dude”

JEREMY
Come on buddy, what’s with the hostility? That slayer bitch domesticated the hell out of you

SPIKE
I’m not your buddy mate and only me gets to call her a bitch and live

JEREMY
You wreak of humanity dude, Dru’s gonna be pissed

SPIKE
Humans get like that
(beat)
Wait, you’ve seen Dru?

JEREMY
All the time baby, every time she “rides the pony”

SPIKE STEPS UPTO HIM LAUGHING, RUBBING HIS FACE BEFORE – SMASH, FIST IN THE FACE.

CUT TO.

INT – WOLFRAM & HART – NIGHT

ANGEL IS STORMING DOWN A CORRIDOR AS LILAH SPOTS HIM FROM INSIDE HER MEETING.

SHE EXCUSES HERSELF AND STEPS OUT TO SPEAK WITH HIM. BEFORE SHE SPEAKS, HE STOPS IN HIS TRACKS.

ANGEL
It’s nine thirty – you always work this late?

LILAH
You care?

ANGEL
No.

LILAH
Figured – say you look like you’ve lost something, something tall, blond and with sculpted cheekbones that would cut glass, that sexy accent that makes all the girls tingle in the right places, those sparkly blue eyes that shine like a brand new penny.

ANGEL
No. Just Spike you know where he is?

LILAH
His room?

ANGEL
(full on sarcasm)
Geez you know, I don’t think I already looked there twelve times!

LILAH
Mr. Defensive and Sulky making a special appearance tonight on “Brooding Angel” or are you just feeling extra happy to be in my company

ANGEL
Go to hell Lilah!

LILAH
You know, I think I’d prefer the Bahamas – care to join me one day…oh right, the flame thing.

ANGEL LOOKS AT HER HARD IN THE FACE AS SHE SMIRKS BACK AT HIM, A SMIRK THAT BEGINS TO FALL AS HIS HAND TOUCHES HIS SHOULDER.

LILAH SHAKES HER HEAD LIGHTLY

LILAH
You don’t get to taste that treat anymore sugar

HE TIGHTENS HIS GRIB BEFORE FLINGING LOOSE AND STORMING OFF DOWN THE CORRIDOR.

INT – HYPERION – NIGHT

SPIKE FALLS TO THE FLOOR, BLOOD DRIPPING FROM HIS MOUTH AS CODY SWINGS PAST IN THE BACKGROUND.

SPIKE RAISES HIS HAND TO WIPE THE BLOOD FROM HIS NOSE BEFORE FLIPPING TO HIS FEET

SPIKE
No need for bloody violence

SPIKE LOOKS TO STEP FORWARD AND INSTEAD FLIPS BACK IN SUCH A WAY THAT LEADS HIS FEET TO LAND AGAINST THE JAW OF ONE OF JEREMY’S SIDEKICKS.

HE IS NOW STOOD BACK TO BACK WITH CONNOR & CODY AS THE REMAINING VAMPIRES INCLUDING JEREMY, BEGIN TO HOME IN.

CODY
What now? This bat doesn’t do much in the way of…anything

CONNOR
Here
(he reaches in his pocket and passes him a stake)
Use this

SPIKE
You’ve got stakes and you didn’t tell me?

CONNOR
Stakes? I thought these were tent pegs

SPIKE
Why would you carry tent…never mind gimme one!

JEREMY STANDS IMPATIENT WITH HIS GROUPIES AS SPIKE WHISPERS TO THE OTHER TWO.

JEREMY
When you’re ready to commence ladies!

VAMPIRE#3
Dudes, why don’t we just kill them now

JEREMY
Valid point!

SPIKE NODS AT CONNOR WHO LIGHTLY TAPS CODY’S FOOT WITH HIS. THE THREE OF THE CHARGE OUTWARDS WHERE BOTH SPIKE AND CONNOR HANDLE TWO VAMPIRES AS CODY TAKES THE FIFTH BY HIMSELF.

CONNOR LEAPS, LITERALLY SIX FEET INTO THE AIR OVER THE TOP OF AN ASTOUNDED SPIKE AND LANDS, STAKE FIRST INTO ONE OF THE VAMPIRES. SPIKE GLANCES AT HIM IN BREIF CONFUSION BEFORE BEING HIT TO THE GROUND.

SPIKE
(rubbing head)
Ow!

JEREMY STEPS OVER, ONE LEG ON EITHER SIDE OF SPIKE

JEREMY
Man, I can’t believe Dru’s the only one of you guys left – the nut is the only fruit left in the cake

SPIKE
Nuts aren’t fruit you half wit!

JEREMY
Whatever! If you can tell me one thing – I’ll let you go

SPIKE
Oh like you’ve got a …

CUT OFF AS JEREMY, WHO IS SLIGHTLY OVERBUILT, PINS SPIKES ARMS TO EITHER SIDE OF HIM WHILST HE RESTS ACROSS HIS LOWER STOMACH.

SPIKE
…Choice

JEREMY
If you can tell me you don’t honestly miss it, I’ll let all of you go

SPIKE
(breathless)
Miss what?

JEREMY
All of it! The blood, the rush, the power…

WITH THAT, JEREMY LEANS INTO SPIKES NECK AND SINKS HIS TEETH DOWN HARD.

***FLASH***
LONDON 1880

DRUSILLA SINKS HER TEETH INTO SPIKES NECK

***FLASH***
NEW YORK 1977

SPIKE KILLS NIKKI WOOD

***FLASH***
SUNNYDALE, 1999

SPIKE ATTEMPTS BUT FAILS TO BITE WILLOW

***FLASH***
AFRICA, 2002

SPIKE RETRIEVES HIS SOUL

***FLASH***
SUNNYDALE, 2002

SPIKE KILLS AND BURIES SEVERAL GIRLS
SPIKE BITES ANDREW

***FLASH***
SUNNYDALE, 2003

SPIKE ATTACKS WOOD
BUFFY HOLDS SPIKES HAND
SPIKE CRUMBLES TO DUST

SPIKE
I’ve still got my power

CRASH AS SPIKE USES ALL OF HIS LEG STRENGTH TO BOOTH JEREMY ACROSS THE ROOM

SPIKE
Now I’m really pissed off – you got blood on my top!

CUT TO.

EXT – WOLFRAM & HART – NIGHT

LILAH IS HEADING OVER TO HER CAR AS SHE STOPS IN REACTION TO FOOTSTEPS

LILAH
Wesley

WESLEY
Lilah

LILAH
Way to win a woman Wes but the stalker thing is very 2001

WESLEY
I was looking for Angel

LILAH
As you can see he’s not here

WESLEY
I just thought…

LILAH
Where there’s an Angel there’s a devil?

WESLEY
Lilah…

LILAH
Want anything else Wes?

WESLEY
I…
(Saddened)
No.

LILAH
Goodnight Wes.

SHE CLIMBS INTO HER CAR AND DRIVES OFF INTO THE NIGHT AS WES WATCHES HER DRIVE AWAY.

WESLEY
Goodbye Lilah

CUT TO.

INT – HYPERION – NIGHT

SPIKE AND THE OTHER TWO ARE STILL HEADING ON WITH THE FIGHT WITH NO DEATHS AS YET.

SPIKE
Kid…

HE IS WIDELY IGNORED

SPIKE
Kid!!
(rolls eyes)
OI!!!

HE IS AGAIN IGNORED

SPIKE
Cody get your friend!

CONNOR TURNS AS SPIKE GESTURES HIM OVER

CONNOR
(shouting across room)
Oh you can remember the smelly kid but not the guy who gave you his clothes?

CODY
Hey! I object to that comment…

SPIKE
Great – You know I’ll probably forget we ever met after this, thankfully, so If either you fancies lending me a hand and…

CONNOR IS THROW TO THE FLOOR AND IMMEDIATELY FLIPS UP HAVING SPOTTED A STRAY AXE BY THE COLLAPSED CABINET.

HE SWINGS IT THROUGH THE HEAD OF TWO OF THE VAMPIRES BEFORE THROWING IT TO CODY AND HEADING OVER TO SPIKE.

SPIKE (CONT’D)
Giving me a hand…where’d you find that?

CONNOR
Listen, Spok we’ll talk later, kill now

CONNOR FLIPS OVER TO ASSIST CODY AS HE IS CORNERED. SPIKE STANDS IN SHOCK.

SPIKE
It’s Spike!
(beat)
You did that on purpose!

ANGLE: FIST FROM THE LEFT - SMAP. DOWN TO THE FLOOR FALLS SPIKE.

FIVE MINUTES LATER.

SPIKE STANDS PROUD AS JEREMY TURNS TO DUST.

SPIKE
Been waiting ten years to do that
(beat)
Well, I’m off

CONNOR
Just like that?

SPIKE
You didn’t wine me, you didn’t dine me – what d’ya expect from a guy?

CONNOR
Why do you always do that?

SPIKE
What is it that I always do?

CONNOR
Answer questions with questions, or make a joke of it all

SPIKE
It’s who I am kid

CONNOR
Is it a British thing or are you a complete jerk?

CODY
Connor! He kinda just helped save our lives

SPIKE
Yeah
(Defensive)
Yeah I did, so I think we’re even now, thanks for the clothes and what not and I’ll see you kids around.

SPIKE WALKS OFF LEAVING CONNOR STANDING ANGRY – HE DOESN’T KNOW WHY HE’S ANGRY OR WHY HE CARED SO MUCH THAT A STRANGER WAS LEAVING HIM BEHIND.

CODY
Connor, call him in the morning – you’re both kinda drunk and hot up.

CONNOR THROWS CODY A STARE BEFORE DASHING UPSTAIRS.

CUT TO.

INT – SPIKES ROOM – NIGHT.

SPIKE STROLLS THROUGH THE DOOR AND THROWS THE PAPER BAG ONTO THE BED. HE PEELS HIS SHIRT OFF AND HEADS OVER TO THE MIRROR TO EXAMINE THE BITE.

SPIKE
Forgot how itchy these things are

SECONDS LATER HE JUMPS AS A REACTION TO THE VOICE BEHIND HIM, BASHING HIS HEAD ON THE CABINET AS HE TURNS.

SPIKE
Ow!
(beat)
Forgot who lot didn’t have bloody reflections

ANGEL
You seem very forgetful

SPIKE
What are you doin’ here?

ANGEL
Same applies

SPIKE
What? Why are you talking like that, you sound like a bleedin’ robot

ANGEL
You were meant to leave at eleven thirty

SPIKE
Right, that – I decided not to go

ANGEL
I don’t think that’s entirely upto you Spike

SPIKE
I don’t think I entirely give a toss Gel boy
(pause)
‘sides, the headless wonder spoke to the senior partners and they reckon I’m welcome to stay as long as I like – probably means they’ll try and kill me soon

ANGEL
You’ve had contact with the senior partners?

SPIKE
Did you hear a word I said? Lilah – so high, blue eyes, big scar on the neck – like the sex

ANGEL
You slept with Lilah

SPIKE
Only if I hadn’t come round from the gas sooner

SPIKE WALKS PAST ANGEL AND INTO THE MAIN PART OF HIS ROOM. HE SITS ON THE BED AND PULLS A BOTTLE OF SCOTCH FROM THE PAPER BAG.

ANGEL
So where’ve you been?

SPIKE
Playin’ with kids
(off Angels look)
Or…more precisely saving their lives.

ANGEL
Right, any kids in particular?

SPIKE
Just the Prince and the pauper

ANGEL
Who?

SPIKE
You know? The kid who’s parents want him looking after you – and his little homeless friend

ANGEL
Cody?

SPIKE
Yeah – you’re really taking this case seriously aren’t you

ANGEL
Met him once or twice.

SPIKE
Right…Drink?

ANGEL LOOKS AT HIM SUSPICIOUSLY BEFORE PLODDING HIMSELF DOWN ON THE BED WITH A BIG SIGH.

END OF PART THREE

EXT – SPIKES ROOM – NIGHT.

FRED IS UP AGAINST THE DOOR HOLDING A GLASS.

LILAH
What are you doing?

FRED JUMPS, STARTLED

FRED
Oh, I was just – I..um…

LILAH
You’re security pass has a microphone and ear piece – listen through that.

FRED SEEMS SHOCKED AT LILAH. HOWEVER THE TWO GIRLS ARE SOON KNEELING AGAINST THE DOOR TOGETHER.

LILAH
You getting anything?

FRED
Not a sound – cept for a real heavy glugging

LILAH
What a waste

LILAH STEPS UP AND CRUSHES THE GLASS WITH HER FEET AS SHE WALKS AWAY. FRED JUMPS AT THE THOUGH THAT ANGEL MIGHT PICK UP ON THE SOUND – SHE LOOKS AROUND BEFORE SLIPPING DOWN THE STAIRWAY PAST A SET OF SIGNS.
“BASEMENT / SECURITY CENTRE / SCIENCE LAB / LIBRARY”


INT – SPIKES ROOM – NIGHT

ANGEL IS CURLED ON AGAINST THE WALL IN HIS UNDERWEAR AS SPIKE IS SLUNG ACROSS THE BED, HIS HEAD HANGING OVER THE EDGE AS HE SPILLS SCOTCH DOWN HIS FACE.

ANGEL
Where’d the clothes go?

SPIKE
You lost poker mate

ANGEL
Oh
(beat)
Anyway, don’t you really hate that thing he does with his voice?

SPIKE
Oh, the “I’m Xander and could you please dumb it down for me!

ANGEL ROCKS FORWARD LAUGHING

ANGEL
And…and…and what about the thing with Buffy’s lip when she loses an argument

SPIKE
(laughing)
Oh this thing

HE DOES THE PUT IMPRESSION AS THEY ROLL ABOUT LAUGHING, SPIKE FALLS OFF THE EDGE OF THE BED.

SPIKE
Ow!

ANGEL
Ha Ha … Ow! Cool word!

ANGEL SHAKES THE NOW EMPTY SCOTCH BOTTLE, LOOKING INSIDE FOR ANY DROPS LEFT. HE LETS THE BOTTLE FALL TO THE FLOOR AS HE SHRUGS AND OPENS ANOTHER BOTTLE.

SPIKE
So, what’s the deal with you and that Lilah guy?

ANGEL
Guy?

SPIKE
Former guy, sorry

ANGEL
Lilah was never a guy

SPIKE
Oh, then…oh

ANGEL IS IN HYSTERICS AT THE THOUGHT THAT LILAH MAY HAVE BEEN A MAN ONCE UPON A TIME.

SPIKE
Well you never did have a problem spanking men!

SPIKES’ NOW ROLLING AROUND IN TEARS OF LAUGHTER AS ANGEL QUIETLY TAKES ANOTHER SWIG.

ANGEL
On a serious note now

SPIKE
Uh oh, here we go with the bonding

ANGEL
I’m serious, let me twalk

SPIKE
Twalk?

ANGEL
Talk! Talk!
(beat)
Let me talk!

SPIKE ROLLS HIS EYES BEFORE TURNING OVER TO LISTEN

ANGEL
This jealousy thing – it’s kinda petty you know?

SPIKE
Never was the jealous one mate. I’ve been trying to get away from all your little sidekicks and their staring – I’ve even got Cody and some other kid bloody stressing at me for not wanting to be their best friend.

ANGEL
(ignoring)
It doesn’t suck haven’t another person who’s figuratively got my back
(beat)
We’ve were never really tight but you kinda proved yourself as a good guy

SPIKE
Right and I only had to burn alive then get buried under a town to do it

ANGEL
I’m hard to please

SPIKE
Angel are you getting at something? Cause…I’ve not really gone there since before the first world war

ANGEL
No! and more no! I just wanted to say – you’re my friend

SPIKE
You’re pissed

ANGEL
No, I’m happy

SPIKE
Pissed drunk you idiot

ANGEL
A little bit which is maybe why I’m gonna tell this to you – you ready?

SPIKE
And the closet door opens

ANGEL
I have a son!

SPIKE
(Shocked)
And slams right shut to let the cat jump out of the bag!

PAN: ANGELS SHIRT IS SCRUMBLED IN THE CORNER OF THE ROOM. FROM THE POCKET AN EXPENSIVE LOOKING PEN HANGS AS A RED LIGHT BLINKS ON TOP.

END.


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