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Date Posted: 16:14:59 05/31/06 Wed
I met my ex just this month, i cant tell you how quickly things happenend, our first date went amazingly well. I havent been in a relationship with someone for almost two years, but the next thing i know with this guy, im already meeting all of his family by our second date....he contracted me ( as a massage therapist) to do a massage on his mother for mothers day. Thats when she asked me to come out for mothers day ( since i wasnt going to be able to see mine that day) and spend Mothers day with him and all his family, i went and they all loved me.
Just hanging out around eachother made us go crazy over eachother even more, i had never felt a guy grow on me this quickly, i have never said this or felt this in my past relationships, but i definetly felt something really strong for this guy and he expressed the same.
We were at a club with him and his friends when we were dancing and he had just caught me in a small insignificant lie i had said and he began to ask me if i would make a promise to him that from this moment on we would be completely honest with one another. He told me he knew it was too soon but that he was ready to go "all" the way, ( in a sense of a relationship) , i asked him if this was his way of asking me to be his girlfriend. It couldnt have been more than jsut a few hours after this that his Ex girlfriend, ( one before the most recent one) he had spent 6 years in a relationship with, showed up. They obvisouly shared the same group of friends since they had a long relationship. And everything seemed fine because he presented her to me and all, she was cordial and i was happy to know that he had a history with women that are mature and can handle these sorts of situations with class, this said alot to me about him. But his motions had definetly changed knowing that she was around, watching; i tried to understand that this can be a very awquared situation and to not make a big deal about it. But it was just TOO weird.
I had forgotten about all this as we went on for the next few weeks , spending every moment we could together ....so happy, and fun.
But he decided to leave on our memorial day weekend with all his friends and sister down to San Diego, he woke me up that morning to give me a ride home becaue he had to go. Spending all this time with him at his request made it ...jsut a BIT weird to me that he didnt mention to me he wanted me to come. But i just thought, he could really use spending time with his old friends just like it was before, and thought nothing more of it.
I in turn decided to out with my friends drinking, he called me in the middle of this day ( with a quite background) saying he missed me and was thinking of coming home that night in stead of staying the night like he had planned. I said sure, we spent that night together and went to breakfast the following morning. We planned on spending the day together and he had to change into beach shorts, as i waited in the car as he went in the house to change, i was recalling the sweet sweet messages he sent me and how i looked at them everytime to make me smile. I didnt have mine at the time so i picked up his and read it over, noticed that right above it was a message to someone else that mentioned my name. I opened it and it read " D thinks im in San Diego" this emedietly shouted "NOOOOO " in my head.....oh how well things were giong, and now lies.
I decided to confront him but untill we got to my house ( so that i would be able to change) On the way ,we made a stop to do something i thought i wouldnt do untill a man were to propose to me, which is meet my stepfather and mother. He was the first , which obviously ment THE WORLD to me. Once at my house, i asked him to come clean about san diego, he admited he lied because the same EX was there and he didnt know how i would feel.
I began to feel hurt and he kept asking me about things he thought i had lied about ( things that were completely insignificant and irrelevant) but once back to the topic of his ex, i asked him if there were any "unresolved feelings" towards her. he said not romantic, but that yes he had been with this woman for many years and couldnt help maintaining enevidable feelings of caring. I told him i thougth it went much deeper than that and that i needed him to really think whether he had made the right decision by jumping into a sudden relationship with me. I think in all the misdt of all this past-digging, i actually surfaced his doubt or something. That made it hard for him answer any of my questions about being sure about me.
Unwantingly so, i told him that if he decided to think things through that i wasnt one to wait like a fool on the sidelines for him to make his mind up. I explained that i didnt like uncertainty in a man that is with me. It hurts.
This all ended in me telling him it was over , (mainly because he couldnt make his mind) ...In my mind, if you want to be with someone,.....theres no maybe or doubts.
Now when i try to contact him, all he can do is tell me that he misses me but to please let him think things throug....does this mean it wasnt ment to be?
I dotn know how to help him.....
I feel sick and i cant sleep, im one not to be able to leave things unresolved. For the meare thought of me dying or someone not being there for me to say im sorry or i love you or simply goodbye. I need closure.
But i cant help to think i have made a mistake letting him go. He seems to think the same way so he says..
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