| Subject: Traumatic Amnesia 130 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Saturday, June 06, 05:01:27pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Traumatic Amnesia 126+" on Sunday, May 31, 07:44:58pm
You have been quiet tonight, Michael spoke as he shifted on the couch that he was sharing with Nikita. At first he thought that it was because Nikita was tired from moving, but this wasnt Nikita being tired. She was thinking a lot and she was showing signs of being worried.
Lots of things, Michael, Nikita shrugged her shoulders as she didnt want to go into depth about any of the things. She had hopes for this evening and everything was changing due to other things.
Nikitas first reaction to Micks and Karls suggestion to talk to Madeline had been to say no. Nikita blamed her for a lot but in the end, she also realized that Madeline had been a victim also. The decision wasnt so much for what was good for her, but Nikita wanted to help Madeline as she was handling what had been done to her. Everyone had told Nikita that Madelines deprogramming was different than hers and Paul had put things in there to sabotage Madeline from trying to do this.
What Madeline revealed tore at Nikitas heart but she didnt want to talk about it. Just thinking that she would never have a child did something inside of Nikita. Although she hadnt really thought about it, somewhere she realized that she had a dream of having Michaels child. That dream was now ripped to shreds and Nikita began to wonder if Michael found out if it would change what he felt about her.
Until Madeline had invaded her plans, Nikita was going to take Michael to their brand new bed, the only new furniture other than the couch and the television stand that had arrived today. She was going to give into the urges that scared her in some ways but those same urges told her to allow Michael to guide her in satisfying them.
Nikita was blinking away tears and Michael suddenly started to worry that maybe they had moved prematurely. Maybe this was too much for Nikita to handle. He had hopes for the evening but had been following Nikitas lead all the way. Do you want me to sleep in the guest room tonight?
Michael had made sure that there was a cot in the guest room in case Nikita couldnt have him sleep with her this evening. He just wanted to hold her in his arms and find sleep with her, but Michael also realized that he had to have options in case the situation was too stressful for Nikita. He would never force Nikita to do something that she wasnt interested in.
Why? Nikita questioned as she was hurt by the question. I can handle that, Michael.
Michael saw Nikitas face and took his hand to wipe at the tears. It was as Michael pulled his damp fingers away that Nikita really noticed them. She shivered and rubbed her head. Im sorry I shouldnt have seen Madeline today.
Did she say something to upset you? Michael inquired as he had been wondering about the conversation from the time that Nikita leapt into his arms on the porch. When he held her and turned in a circle it was clear that Nikita was relieved to be with him.
Nikita shrugged her shoulders. She couldnt risk losing Michael on this first night because of what Madeline had said. Then Nikitas mind clicked and new questions where inside of her mind that she didnt have answers for. Should I trust anyone that Madeline and Paul had me connected with?
Like teachers? Co-workers? Michael struggled to understand Nikitas question. He lifted his hand and rubbed at the tears, knowing that the physical connection would like Nikita physically know that he was there and right now he wasnt leaving.
Like doctors, Nikita commented as she blinked her eyes and looked at Michael. I went to everyone that Madeline or Paul told me to use just blindly accepted them until I ended up in the hospital and with Jurgen
Do you have a reason to question your doctors now? Michael inquired as he was still trying to figure out what was going on. What did you and Madeline talk about?
This has nothing to do with what we talked about, Nikita instantly lied as she shook her head from side to side. Michael didnt push Nikita but he knew that she was lying. It was all over her body. Something had happened in that conversation that had shaken Nikita to the core.
Can you go to someone that you even slightly are worried about trusting now? Michael asked and Nikita looked at him with blank eyes. But slowly Nikitas eyes showed some clearing and then she began to move her head from side to side. You should never not trust your doctor. And all of them are either Madelines or Pauls
All of them? Michael asked as he didnt realize that Nikita had multiple doctors.
For things, Nikita sighed as she rubbed her neck and groaned. This isnt what I wanted tonight to be likeIm ruining our memories here
Nikita wanted to have some happiness here with Michael before he could walk out knowing that she would never have his child. She could not imagine that Michael would not want children. She could tell that he wanted to be a father just with the way that he interacted with Aggie and Gus. She wanted Michael to have everything that he deserved to have and a child was one of those things that he more than deserved to have.
Hey. You are putting too much stress on yourself about this first night, Michael replied as he pushed Nikitas hand off of her neck and started to rub her neck instead. There will be plenty of first nights here the first night that we have our furniture all the way in the first night after we paint the first room ourselves the first night of the second week we are here plenty of firsts are going to happen here.
Nikita forced a smile and Michael kissed her forehead. I just dont want you to be scared here.
Nikita shook her head from side to side. Im not scared
Good, Michael shifted and pulled Nikita closer to his body. He sighed and wrapped his arms around her. While we were moving things today I remembered something about my parents.
Nikita shifted her head to look at Michael. You did? Why didnt you tell me sooner?
I sort of forgot about it till now, Michael admitted ash e kissed Nikitas lips. She wanted to help him out so much that he felt guilty for not telling her about this sooner. He had all intentions to do that when Nikita jumped into his arms on the porch, but holding Nikita made him forget it. I remember camping with them I dont know why I remembered it.
Camping?
My mother didnt like it, Michael chuckled as he shifted and lay back down towards the arm of the couch with Nikita on top of him. She felt so perfect in his arms and he knew that he was lucky to have her. I also remember a storm and we went into this cabin I think it had a couch and a television maybe thats why I remembered it.
That sounds plausible, Nikita agreed with Michaels thoughts about why he was remembering it now. Michael smiled and kissed Nikitas side of her face. Or Im remembering because Im with you and you give me the strength to remember it.
I deserve no credit in what you are remembering, Michael.
You deserve everything in life Nikita and Im going to give it to you, Kita, Michael promised.
And Nikitas heart shattered a bit more about the one thing that she wouldnt be able to receive from Michael, a child.
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