| Subject: Traumatic Amnesia 147 (hope this reads ok... it wasn't going as easily as I thought it would) |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Friday, June 26, 03:27:15pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Traumatic Amnesia 147+" on Friday, June 26, 03:26:09pm
“Please just trust me with this, Nikita,” Mick spoke as he sat in front of Nikita on a very comfortable chair as Nikita was tense on a couch that looked like it could almost swallow Nikita up. He wasn’t thrilled with the couch and it would be changed, but for now, this was a great place to start.
This couldn’t wait. Nikita wasn’t sleeping and Mick had to get that addressed now. It was the memories that Nikita suddenly had access to that were keeping her from sleeping and Mick didn’t blame Nikita at all for that. But she had to find a way to sleep.
Despite everything that Nikita had been through, nothing was like therapy. She was a therapist. She was trained in things and Mick knew this. Nikita wasn’t going to ever practice again, but she knew methods and techniques. That made Mick look at the book and then throw the book away. It simply wasn’t going to be the answer for Nikita.
“Mick, I just don’t think that this is going to help… talking about what I’m thinking about isn’t going to help me,” Nikita protested as she had for the past twenty minutes. Mick had been allowing it, but at this rate, it was going to be two weeks from now before Nikita would get any relief. It was clear that Nikita needed to do this now.
“Nikita, I’m going to be honest with you. Your protests are getting old because it’s just a defense mechanism because you don’t want to really talk about what you are seeing in your nightmares. I know that… you know that… so it’s time to get over what you are doing and actually try to listen to what I’m doing,” Mick declared as he focused on Nikita. He watched her blue eyes register the shock of what he had just said and then slowly her head started to nod up and down.
“This isn’t easy…”
“It isn’t going to be easy and you know that,” Mick confirmed as he leaned forward in the chair, suddenly feeling as if he was too far away from Nikita. Maybe the furniture wasn’t going to work at all.
Nikita nodded her head up and down as she focused back onto Mick. The first stumbling block was over and Mick felt a little bit calmer than he was before. “Ok, Nikita… I need you to close your eyes…”
“Hypnosis? Mick, you know that it-“
“I’m not using hypnosis… and you have to just follow my lead here,” Mick interrupted Nikita’s rant before she got going too far that he would have lost her again. Nikita closed her mouth and she knew that she had to try what Mick was suggesting. Slowly she closed her eyes.
“I need you to tell me about what you are seeing when you are dreaming…” Mick directed Nikita and he held his breath. He was afraid of another disruption from Nikita. He waited as he could see Nikita’s body tremble with his directions, but she did not speak out against it.
“Lately… I’ve been on a bed… and it’s really dark…” Nikita’s voice was very unsteady and that told Mick that she was already seeing what she saw in her dreams. This wasn’t something her mind made up to haunt her at night. It was a memory. It was a terrifying and awful memory. Nikita needed to have those, but she had to have them at the right time.
“The man… there are four…” Nikita’s voice cracks and then Nikita snaps her eyes open. “I can’t do this… I can’t…”
“Please try,” Mick replied with a metered voice, not wanting to come across too strong. Nikita knew that she had to do something and this was what Mick thought would work if she could get through the beginning and trust him. It was a lot to ask Nikita to trust him when she hardly trusted anyone other than Michael.
Nikita sniffled and nodded her head up and down slightly as she closed her eyes. Mick felt awful having to force someone into those thoughts. Nikita’s jaw started to clench and she squeezed her eyes closed harder. “They surround the bed… and I can’t remember the words… I can’t quite hear the words…”
“And you are on the bed?”
“Yes,” Nikita answered as she opened her eyes. She didn’t scream out, but she pleaded with Mick as she looked at him. “I can’t do this, Mick…”
Mick stood up and moved to the couch. Screw professional standards again. “I’m right here… why don’t you let me hold onto your shoulders… so you know that someone is here to protect you…”
Nikita looked at Mick wearily. “I am so tired.”
“That’s why we have to try this,” Mick offered and Nikita nodded her head up and down. She shifted so that Mick was behind her, placing his hands on the outsides of her shoulders. “I’m here now, Nikita… so I want you to go back to that memory… you are on the bed…”
“I can’t move… something is holding me down… but I can’t see what…” Nikita struggled with the thought. She pressed into Mick’s hands and that told Mick that she needed to feel somehow connected outside of the memory. “They are dirty… foul… teeth missing… hairy…”
“You have the power now, Nikita…” Mick spoke smoothly as he swallowed hard. “In your memory… you are on the bed… but I need you to start seeing it from off of the bed… can you step away from the bed?”
Nikita’s breathe hitched and Mick could tell that Nikita’s academic mind was fighting his suggestion. She swallowed and slightly nodded her head. “I’m so young…”
“And where you bound?”
“Something… maybe a rope…”
“Where are you standing now?” Mick questioned and Nikita struggled to take in air. “The room is small… I’m pressed against a wall…”
“Take another step back… go towards the exit, Nikita…” Mick spoke and Nikita stiffened up again. “Mick… I have to face this… I can’t.. go away…”
“You have the power here, Nikita… I want you to step away from the bed again… Step away from the memory…” Mick kept a steady voice and a steady touch on Nikita’s shoulders.
“I was so tiny… and they were.. brutes…”
“Are you close to the door, Nikita?” Mick questioned as he wanted to know where Nikita was and if she had moved at all.
“It’s behind me… the room is very small…” Nikita replied and Mick swallowed. “Step out of the room.”
Nikita sat straight up and turned to glare at Mick. “I can’t bury this, Mick! I can’t repress this! It’s like… redoing the brainwashing… or something like that.”
Mick understood Nikita’s fears and he wasn’t sure if this was even going to work. But this was the only thing he could come up with to help Nikita right now. She didn’t have months and months to work through this. If she wasn’t sleeping, this wasn’t good at all. “Believe me… we aren’t going to repress this and we aren’t going to take it away… but you have the power, Nikita… Can you please go back to being on the bed?”
Nikita was unsure of Mick’s tactic, but the need for restful sleep was making her try again. She couldn’t enjoy her time with Michael if she couldn’t sleep. Nikita needed to fix this.
Mick walked her through the steps again and he felt her tense up as he suggested that Nikita step out of the room.
“It’s a thin door…” Nikita’s voice weakly spoke as if warning Mick that it wouldn’t hold much behind it.
“You have the power, Nikita… put a new door there… make it thick… make it solid…” Mick directed Nikita. Nikita turned her head from side to side, but then she stopped. “It’s hidden…”
“But there is no lock, Nikita… you can open that door if you want to open that door…” Mick pointed out and Nikita’s trembling slowed down as he held onto her. “Right Nikita?”
“There is a handle… and no lock…”
“So the memory is still there… and when you want to deal with it… when you are awake and ready to handle it… you can open that door and walk into that memory…” Mick pointed out as he eased his hands away from Nikita’s shoulders.
Nikita shifted and moved away from Mick to look at him. “And?”
“We are going to do this again in a half hour… and we are going to do this over and over again today… until it’s time for you to go home to Michael… and you are going to do this before you go to bed… you are going to close the door on this memory… and you are going to have the power to keep the memories behind closed doors… so you can sleep…” Mick outlined and Nikita’s face lightened up. Now she saw the wisdom of what Mick had done and knew that she would have never thought it would have worked if he had told her ahead of time what he was doing.
“Do you think it will work for tonight?”
“You are strong enough,” Mick nodded his head up and down. Plus, Michael was going to be there with Nikita. If she couldn’t keep that door closed, knowing that Michael was beside her would give her more strength.
“Why don’t we do it right now again?” Nikita questioned and Mick shook his head back and forth. “It would be too easy… we need time between… so you can make sure that you have the strength all night long…”
Nikita rolled her head back and leaned against the couch. “So what are we going to talk about until the next time?”
“How about what are you going to do with your life now?” Mick suggested and Nikita groaned. “I thought we’d talk about movies or something…”
“You need to think about what you are going to do now. I know that you don’t want to go back into therapy…” Mick pointed out and Nikita dropped her head back. “I don’t know what I want to do.”
“We have some time to talk about it… maybe you’ll have two things handled today, Popsicle,” Mick winked and Nikita laughed nervously. She liked the thought about it, but knew that it couldn’t be that easy.
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