| Subject: Traumatic Amnesia 136 |
Author:
Nikita507
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Date Posted: Saturday, June 13, 07:24:17pm
In reply to:
Nikita507
's message, "Traumatic Amnesia 135+" on Saturday, June 13, 05:03:29pm
Mick settled into the small room that was part of the physical therapy center and waited for Nikita to walk inside. She was putting a lot of weight on her knee but she just looked tired. He had worried that moving into the condo was going to be stressful for Nikita. It was always a worry that she wouldn’t do as well as when there was such a large support system. Mick worried that what he saw was an indication that she had something last night. He hoped that it wasn’t nightmares.
“Michael is on his way to pick me up…” Nikita stated as she rubbed her eyes and settled into the chair before putting the crutches behind her. Mick nodded his head. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do for office space to meet with Nikita. While it was ok at Walter’s to just talk about things, it didn’t seem right to do the same thing at the condo that she shared with Michael. “I’ll figure out logistics for us soon, Popsicle.”
Nikita smiled with the name and nodded her head. She knew that Mick would figure out something. “I’m sure that Kate can get us this room…”
“It’s a bit small,” Mick motioned as he looked around the room. He wasn’t about to take on more patients, but it was possible that he would be doing that in the future. He did have a meeting back at the hospital later this afternoon about the poor girl that was obviously suffering from brainwashing and what was next for her.
Nikita was being quiet and didn’t offer anything else as Mick sat there. He tilted his head to the side and tried to study her. Something was different with Nikita.
“Don’t look at me that way,” Nikita mumbled as she moved her eyes away from Mick. She started to bounce her good leg and Mick shook his head. “Look at you what way?”
“Like it’s written all over me that I had sex with Michael last night… it happened… it wasn’t just sex… and it’s going to happen again,” Nikita declared as she locked eyes with Mick. Mick was stunned. Utterly shocked. He had no idea that it would happen that quickly between Michael and Nikita.
Nikita groaned as she looked at Mick. She was tired and needed more sleep, but right now she just wanted to be with Michael. He seemed to understand what was going on her head and about how it was ok for them to be together like they had been last night. “It wasn’t wrong for us to do that… I know that I had sexual abuse in my past… hell, I know that it was… but Michael and I… it’s nothing like that sex… it was different… much different.”
“Nikita, I am not worried about that,” Mick finally started to speak. “I am shocked with how quickly it happened.”
Nikita blinked her eyes and shrugged her shoulders. “It was right for us.”
“I’m not judging that… but you are conflicted about something around this, aren’t you?” Mick questioned as he could sense that there was something that was making Nikita to almost take this defensive stance. It would do her no good in the long right to continue to defend herself in this manner when Mick had no issues about what had happened. He was still just stunned that it happened so quickly.
“Conflicted? About what? I love Michael and making love is part of being in love with a person,” Nikita spoke but her voice was softening and Mick paused. This wasn’t Nikita being defensive. This was just the way that she was processing things and her mind was clearing the way through things. At that moment, Mick had to wonder if Nikita really remembered all the things in her past and if things weren’t as crystal clear about her past as she had led people to believe.
“Mick…” Nikita whispered as she leaned forward and pressed her body onto the table that separated them. “I guess… since I was trained to help others through this sort of trauma… that maybe it was easier to consciously know the difference…”
Still paused, Mick blinked his eyes as he watched Nikita in front of him. She was about to put the brakes onto her thoughts and Mick had to do something to stop her from doing that. He did fear that her next thoughts could slow down the physical relationship between Nikita and Michael but knew that it would probably be healthier for her in the long run. He had to continue Nikita’s exploration into her thoughts. “Really, Popsicle?”
It was her nickname that caused Nikita to close her eyes. The question was poignant and she really did not want to have to answer. But in knowing that she didn’t want to answer, Nikita’s mind started to tick again through thoughts that she knew that she didn’t have before. Nikita pushed away from the table and batted her eyes. “I guess… I’m worried…”
Mick heard the change in Nikita’s voice and could see the change in her face. “About?”
Nikita faced Mick and took a deep breath. “Worried about how easy it was for me… I know that I trust Michael… but we were so intimate so quickly…”
Nikita’s words stopped as her throat cracked. Mick leaned forward and reached for her hand. “Look… things happen in the heat of the moment… I’d rather hear that it happened this way than you ran away from it.”
Nikita nodded her head and she looked at Mick. “What if I can’t do it tonight…”
“Are you wondering if you are still missing memories?” Mick questioned and Nikita nodded her head up and down. Mick sighed, “Please let Michael know that. He’ll understand more if you tell him that now… than if something happens and it stops you… from…”
“From having sex,” Nikita finished and Mick raised an eyebrow. “Sex?”
“Love,” Nikita half smiled as she sighed. “Does this mean that I’m not deprogrammed?”
“You could be suppressing something that you were suppressing before the brainwashing,” Mick commented and Nikita sighed and took her hand away from Mick. She wasn’t sure if that was the answer that she wanted to hear. She cleared her throat and looked at Mick. “Will I ever remember the hospital?”
“What about the hospital?” Mick was confused and unsure of what Nikita was talking about. She did this often. Nikita would talk about something with Michael so easily and then just ask a question to someone else as if they all had knowledge of whatever she had told Michael about. It made things difficult, but Nikita often would answer to direct questions.
“When Madeline and Paul got me… I was hurt… beaten up when they got me from there… but I don’t remember anything about it,” Nikita explained as she started to twist her hair around her fingers. Nikita was nervous about something and Mick knew that she was hiding something else. “You know this is a two way street, Nikita… You have to tell me what you are thinking when you ask questions like that… because I don’t think this is about the memories you are worried about not having…”
“I don’t know the truth,” Nikita countered with a strong and passionate voice. This wasn’t about not having the memories. It was about not trusting Madeline. Nikita’s good leg started to bounce again at an even faster rate. “When Madeline stopped over yesterday she said that I was so injured internally… that I would never have a child.”
Mick gasped as he was floored by that knowledge. Ever since it was clear that Michael and Nikita had this connection that was unlike any other love that Mick had seen before, he always thought that some point in their future that they would marry and have a family.
“Please…” Nikita choked as she shook her head back and forth at Mick. “It’s hard enough to think about… not ever having a child… even harder to think about not having Michael’s child…”
“Does Madeline have a reason to lie to you?” Mick questioned and Nikita shrugged her shoulders. “Does she remember everything right?”
Nikita had a point and Mick knew it. “Kita… I can’t tell you how Madeline is doing…”
“But when she told me… it was like I could feel the truth… that my body won’t ever have a child…” Nikita shrugged her shoulders as she sighed. “Maybe I’ve known that… even while brainwashed…”
“This changes your dreams, doesn’t it?” Mick questioned as he was worried about this. Nikita was a strong woman and she had handled things in the past month that would have destroyed others. But this was something that felt like it could really change how Nikita felt about herself. It worried Mick.
“Yeah,” Nikita admitted as she nodded her head up and down. “Michael said that he is fine with it…”
Mick sighed in relief. He had been silently wondering if Nikita had told Michael this. “He loves you…”
“He has to be disappointed,” Nikita pressed her lips together as she paused for a second. “He wants a child so badly.”
“You can have children in other ways,” Mick pointed out and Nikita nodded her head up and down. “I still want her to be wrong… I still want to find out that Madeline doesn’t remember the truth… I want to will her to be wrong.”
“She may not be able to give you the truth.”
“My gynecologist is hers… always has been… was the one doctor I do remember from the hospital…” Nikita rubbed her hair and sighed. “I can’t imagine that a doctor would lie.”
Mick was numb and hurting for Nikita. He wanted her to have everything in life and it seemed as if something else was being denied from her. Her childhood was an awful disaster and now something was going to impact what she wanted for her future.
“Michael is going to be here soon,” Nikita cleared her throat and rubbed at her face. “I should get out there… I think I need a nap this afternoon.”
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow?” Mick suggested and Nikita nodded her head up and down. “For now… I guess I’ll see you here.”
Mick smiled as Nikita gathered her crutches but stood up without leaning on them. She was recovering quickly but she moved carefully out of the small room. Mick watched her disappear down the hallway, conflicted with thoughts and wonders. His biggest fear was that Nikita would really deal with this and would rather hide behind her fears by just making love to Michael in order to run from it.
Yet, there was enough doubt in Nikita’s voice that settled into Mick’s thoughts. He had to talk to Adrian and see if there was anything that he was missing with Nikita. Maybe those missing memories were still in Nikita’s mind.
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