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Date Posted: 12:57:17 08/04/11 Thu
Author: reader
Subject: The Articulate Dead


Headline: Pedestrian killed by car was trying to commit suicide
Thursday, August 04, 2011

Opening Paragraph:
A man who was fatally struck by a car after stepping into traffic on Route 30 in North Huntingdon this morning told medics he was trying to commit suicide, police Chief Michael Daugherty said.

--Post-Gazette

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Replies:

[> Re: The Articulate Dead -- Ya know..., 15:34:47 08/04/11 Thu [1]

People don't always die instantly after being struck by a vehicle. He was able to talk to emergency personnel before he died.
Thanks for playing along.

>Headline: Pedestrian killed by car was trying to
>commit suicide
>Thursday, August 04, 2011
>
>Opening Paragraph:
>A man who was fatally struck by a car after stepping
>into traffic on Route 30 in North Huntingdon this
>morning told medics he was trying to commit suicide,
>police Chief Michael Daugherty said.
>
>--Post-Gazette

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[> [> Re: The Articulate Dead -- another reader, 06:55:26 08/05/11 Fri [1]

What makes the sentence worse is the squinting modifier "this morning," which, because of its careless positioning, is simultaneously modifying two different verbs, forcing the reader to disambiguate the sentence. Very sloppy work.

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[> Re: The Articulate Dead -- I know, 10:09:50 08/05/11 Fri [1]

Ya know, though, there are better ways to phrase that lead. I did a double-take on that one, too, as I'm sure quite a few others did yesterday. The article goes on to clearly explain the incident, but that first 'graph could have used a little tweaking.

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[> [> Re: The Articulate Dead -- I know you know I know, 15:10:38 08/05/11 Fri [1]

Ok, I still don't completely agree, maybe it's because I knew the details of the story already. But I'll take back my snarkiness and accept your contention the lede needed tweaking.

>Ya know, though, there are better ways to phrase that
>lead. I did a double-take on that one, too, as I'm
>sure quite a few others did yesterday. The article
>goes on to clearly explain the incident, but that
>first 'graph could have used a little tweaking.

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[> [> [> Re: The Articulate Dead -- Just my two cents, 09:33:08 08/06/11 Sat [1]

I think they should have eliminated fatally from struck and then mentioned that he later died. Would have cleaned it up a little.

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