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Date Posted: 06:03:42 01/18/08 Fri
Author: Comicality
Subject: ((Hugs Tight)) Thank you.
In reply to: Anonymous 's message, "Comsie." on 01:32:39 01/18/08 Fri


You know, there are times when I wonder if what I'm doing here IS what I'm supposed to do, or if it's just some distraction KEEPING me from what I'm supposed to do. I wonder if there is another step that I'm supposed to be taking, or more people that I'm supposed to be talking to, or if I'm supposed to be doing something different altogether, and I've been using the site to escape my responsibilities elsewhere. But I can honestly say that I enjoy the idea of being able to 'touch' someone that I've never met, never seen, and may never know. That 'touch' is such an amazing feeling. As awful as I am with answering emals and message board posts most of the time...just reading the words has always made me feel so complete inside. And, at the risk of sounding pathetic, that's a feeling I have to fight for on an almost daily basis. It's important to me to find that balance, you know? And you have no idea how much you guys help me. So...in reality, if anybody's life has been truly changed by this place, it's mine. And it was people like you who helped me through it.

As for love...I still haven't found that magic that seems to constantly skip over me to find someone else first. Hehehe, honestly, it's not really an emotion that I was built for. I've tried to go looking for it, I've tried to sit still and let it find me, I've tried to maintain it when it finally did find me. But...who knows? Maybe the blueprint is all wrong. In the meantime, I can come online and fantasize about love, loyalty, friendship, and laughter, through the stories. And I can relive the pain, heartache, disappointment, and regret, the same way. But I'd much rather be living through it again. In real life. Even when it hurts, at least it was real.

But, as I said a million times before, I've still got a lot wrong with 'me' that I've got to deal with before I can go bringing in somebody else to get infected with weirdness. :P I've dealt with a LOT of it on this site. Anybody who reads this website from back to front will know more about me than they'll ever realize. And some of that stuff, I never would have shared if I didn't have my 'mask' on. But it feels good to get it out. It feels good to know you're listening. And it just feels good to know that whatever I've got left to get rid of, I've got an outlet to do it with, and a loyal audience to listen.

And that's the real gift. ((Hugz))

Thanks soooo much for the compliments dude. As frustrated as I was tonight, that really made me smile. :)

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