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Sometimes I really worry. To the point of being brittle and depressed myself, because I really do try to reach out and help when I can. But getting people to talk is soooo hard. And they're so depressed. Some of the stuff that people tell me is heartbreaking. And I understand, because I've been there myself. A few times, to be honest. But I don't know what to do. Being sad or lonely is ok. It happens. We're all human. If people need an ear, I can listen.
But STAYING miserable? I mean, why? Why choose to punish yourself? Why lash out and hurt the people trying to help you? Why hurt yourself, or isolate yourself, or reject my feelings for you, or not ask for help? Trust me, I've been about as low as a human being can get at times...but I don't WANT to be there. Sometimes I need help. Sometimes I need to vent and look for folks to bring me out of it.
It's just a weird position to be in, I guess. I remember every suicidal thought I've ever had. Vividly. It's a very dark road to go down. But there are people to talk to now. People who care. I just wish people didn't get so 'comfortable' with the pain, because that's not acceptable. I spent my entire childhood doing that...it doesn't work. There are answers out there. Not EASY answers, but answers. It's just hard to get folks to talk sometimes. :(
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