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Date Posted: 03:22:35 10/13/17 Fri
Author: Philszzy
Subject: Am I shy?
In reply to: Comicality 's message, "Imagine Magazine Question..." on 15:23:31 10/12/17 Thu

That question has changed for me over many years and is like I am many different people because of the change. I was always shy as a child with people I didn't know. After being in the presence of others I would become accustomed to them. As I went thru school, I was afraid to show any outward feelings to most kids my age. I had crushes on girls and guys. I was afraid to tell them how i felt about them and too shy to learn about them.
As I became close to some male friends, I was not shy to interact with them as kids do, but I was afraid to let my feelings towards them be known if there was a physical attraction.
I became close to one boy about the age of 13 and we would go to each others house. We were both interested in Piano and often played each others music and actually enjoyed that. Nothing ever came of that but after we graduated high school and went onto different colleges, we drifted apart. I remember he was very shy as well and we both were sort of loners but were not very shy with each others. He happened to be the student with the highest grades in everything. I guess that was an attraction to me. I was no slouch as a student, but i noticed that I was faster in learning subjects then he was, but he was more patient and did better overall in school. I admired his abilities a lot.
We would see each other at many high school reunions over the period of our growing older. He never married as I had and he never had children. I use to wonder if he might be gay but never asked him.
At our most recent reunion a few weeks ago, someone asked if he had children and he said no, but he had adopted a nephew. I asked what happened to his brother and he replied nothing happened. So I asked why you would adopt his son and he said the nephew was not his brother's son. I didn't question him further because I was shy about that and I didn't want to put him on the spot. I did think that maybe that is a way a closeted gay man would say he has a young man living with him. And that way he would not have to tell he is gay. I felt really strange making this presumption. If I had known he was gay when we were in school and not been afraid to reveal i am gay, I might have had a relationship with him. Maybe next time I will ask him but there obviously would be no relationship between us since we both appear to like younger men.
As I grew up, I was very shy about meeting women and it took me a long time to overcome the fear of talking to women to date and establish a relationship. I think by my late 20's I had overcome my shyness and was able to meet and date many women. I never came out as gay because of the very severe attitudes towards gays or queers as we were known as during that period. It was obviously not a term of endearment. And to be found out as queer was virtually a social death sentence which very few had the courage to allow to be known.

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Replies:

  • Tbh yes. -- MasterM, 09:00:08 10/13/17 Fri
  • Your post was quite interesting -- Philszzy, 17:24:11 10/13/17 Fri

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