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Date Posted: 13:31:00 05/07/18 Mon
Subject: Found on Tumblr...
When you look into the mirror, you are seeing a slightly younger version of yourself.
Ironing boards are like surfboards who gave up surfing and got real jobs.
If your House is haunted, the best way to keep evil spirits at bay would be to put holy water into a humidifier.
H8 is read as “hate” but height isnt.
If Wolverine always heals, then he still has his foreskin.
The Odyssey is the most elaborate response to a “Where the fuck were you?” question from a significant other.
In 70 years, there will be a bunch of old black dudes named “T’challa”.
The best liar you know is not the best liar you know.
TL;DR is abbreviated because it’s too long to read.
Theme parks can snap a crystal clear picture of you on a roller coaster at 70 mph, but bank cameras can’t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
Car sex will be way more prominent once self driving cars and taxis become wide spread.
Much of Amazon.com’s Prime Video collection feels as if it were assembled using only films they were able to pick up randomly at yard sales.
When you hear someone shout at a dog in a foreign language, you can feel how the dog feels in that moment.
Never play the ‘the floor is lava’ game with a Hawaiian… they’re much more experienced than the rest of us.
If mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood, life would be so much better.