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Read what I'm saying, Matt. I'm in TOTAL agreement with you! 100%
Does alcohol work? No! Do drugs work? NO! Does beating your wife work? NO! But these are all reactions and behavior inspired by a much deeper problem that has nothing to DO with any of those violent or self destructive habits.
There are people who are already angry and full of hate...and then they use bullying, harassment, alcohol, drugs, and domestic abuse, as a channel to get RID of that anger. And it doesn't work. Because the outlets they target for their aggression had nothing to do with their anger in the first place are being ignored. It's just...easier to pick on somebody that you can 'handle' instead of attacking the problem at its source. That innocent guy that hasn't spoken a nasty word to you or about you is NOT your enemy! So...if I have a bad day at work...it would be psychotic for me to think, "My boss is an asshole and I'm mad now. ::Looks around office:: I think I'm going to go over to Ted's cubicle and tell him that his mother is a fucking WHORE! That will make me feel better!"
Ummm...no it won't. That action is completely detached from reality and it's not going to solve anything. It's just going to deeply hurt somebody who didn't deserve to be blindsided out of nowhere by your fucked up comments. Seriously, don't avoid the idea that there is something fundamentally WRONG with someone who would outright attack an innocent person in this way without direct and deliberate provocation. Not even ANIMALS do that. If you're stung by a bee, or attacked by a bear, or bitten by a snake or a shark...it's usually for a reason. In self defense, or to protect its young...it's a creature reacting to an imminent threat. But...animals don't just bite and scratch and assault you for no reason. They don't just pop up and get angry unless you PUSH them.
So why are we, as human beings so different? If you were peacefully riding on the bus, or a train...listening to your music in your earphones...and some random guy stood up and started screaming obscenities in your face for NO reason at all...you'd think that was a result of mental illness. Wouldn't you? Like...WTF is HIS problem! I was just sitting here, minding my own business...and he jumped up and started screaming. You didn't CAUSE his outburst, because you didn't say or do anything to trigger him. Other than...I don't know...breathe oxygen and exist in the same time and place as he did. So...what the hell happened there?
Somebody being gay is NOT a reason to be upset and find reasons to attack them. You don't share the attraction, so WHAT??? Who the fuck CARES??? Nobody asked you to. If my side of the street is so dirty and unholy and so disgusting...then the other side of the street is right over there. Bye bye. Have fun.
Like I said, I've thrown my share of temper tantrums online. Less than a week ago, in fact, on Gay Authors. But it had a reason. A purpose. It was PROVOKED, multiple times! And even then it went on for over a week before I said anything at all. And when I reacted, it was with the intention of bringing this unwanted conflict to an end. It was like..."Hey, let's stop this and leave it alone before it gets out of hand. I'm angry about it, but I'm willing to walk away if you are." And now it's over and done with. No hard feelings, no more conflict. I'm cool with that.
But I wouldn't just pop up out of nowhere and actively 'chase' somebody around the internet to bully him or her until they were so miserable that they'd want to take their own life. God no! That's just stupid. Why would I? That's just a mental defect that I don't possess. I don't want to HURT anybody. I just want them to stop hurting me. If they act, I react. If they STOP acting, I stop reacting. Done. That's how you keep your grace and learn how to be a grown man instead of a childish douchebag. And once that issue is dealt with, the actual SOURCE of my anger and misery has been addressed directly...and then I can go back to my life and being positive again.
Like, how would you like it if Mike yelled at me and cursed me out, and my reaction was to take it all out on YOU? That would be fucked up. And I've had many times when I've been stressed out with life or the site or whatever, but...more times than not, I try to tell people that I'm just not in the mood, and I'll talk to them later. Most times...but I slip every now and again. Because...imperfect. :P
But it's because I get nothing, I repeat...NOTHING, out of gutting another person or making their lives a living hell. Nothing at all. The idea that I hurt someone's feelings makes me feel like I'm less than human, and I avoid it like the plague. I wouldn't do that if I could help it. And even when I'm angry, I look back on the things I've said in anger, and it STILL hurts. How can other people not feel this in their own hearts? What is it that people want from their bully tactic? That's what I desperately need to know.
If you were angry at somebody, and decided to totally RIP into them as viciously as you possibly could...and that person was so destroyed by what you said that they KILLED themselves over it...how would you feel? Honestly. Was your momentary tantrum worth somebody's life? Maybe you didn't intend for them to commit suicide, but...they did. And it was because of YOU. You caused that. Would it be worth it?
I guess I just want to know what's at the very heart of the feelings that cause this kind of behavior. That's all. There's something seriously WRONG in someone's life? I get it. Let's talk it out and get to the bottom of it. But people don't want to deal with the actual PROBLEM! Instead...they want to bully and harass someone else. They want to shoot up their high school with gunfire. They want to drink to the point of alcohol poisoning, they want to overdose on drugs, they want to beat the living shit out of their spouse or their kids.
WHY do people with problems take that as a detour from rational thinking? I'm not talking about the causes...I'm talking about how unstable DEAL with problems in their lives by creating pain and suffering to others around them. In my mind, that's the most despicable thing that you can do to another person. So my sympathy for them is ZERO until they step forward and ask for help. Then we can work on getting them some help. Until then...they're just the lowest of the low. And they deserve the torture they go through, because they're doing it to themselves. And nobody can help them through that. They have to take steps to get better on their own. (That sounds bad, doesn't it? Yeah...but I don't know how to better rephrase it)
I know that people usually shrug their shoulders and say, "Well, sorry, Com. Life sucks." But life DOESN'T suck! That's a lame excuse to justify treating other people like fucking GARBAGE! STOP IT! I always cut through the bullshit and ask people, "No...seriously...what is WRONG with you? Let's talk about it!" You know? Like...maybe you broke up with your boyfriend because he was cheating on you. Ok, let's talk about THAT then. I'll be here to listen. Better that than having you shout insults at me for no reason. Maybe that other kid was gay too, and couldn't deal with it. Ok...he's having trouble adjusting. Can we talk about that instead of you rejecting your own feelings and driving somebody else to the point of committing suicide??? You know what I mean? Your feelings might be justified, but your behavior is not. Find ways to deal with what's bothering you. Yeah, it takes effort...but it's necessary. Better than a 9 year old KILLING himself to get away from you! That's disgusting.
I'm really not trying to come off as insensitive. But accepting or making excuses for this kind of sociopathic behavior is like giving someone a crutch for a broken arm. The LEG is the problem!!! Fix the problem. What is that gonna do?
Anyway, don't worry, Matt. I'm paying attention. Promise. Hehehe, you are a Dudeist Priest after all! ((hugz))
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