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Date Posted: 23:34:01 01/15/20 Wed
Subject: Comsie's Answer...
In reply to:
's message, ">>" on 08:25:41 01/04/20 Sat
I've come to realize over time, that holding grudges against anybody actually does more damage to me as a person than it does to the person that I'm holding the grudge against. I mean, if they really did something to hurt or betray me to the point where a grudge would be warranted...then they didn't care to begin with. So, how am I hurting them? You know?
Now, don't get me wrong! I'm still HOPELESSLY immature, and always will be! LOL! But I feel like I've grown up when it comes to that kind of thing. Because of my past, I used to fight and get angry and reach points where I wanted to put my fist through a wall over some of the conflicts that I've had in the past, both in real life and here online. Those of you who have been Shackers for an extended period of time have seen my angry rants and my tirades to set the record straight on a lot of the bullshit that's happened on the site. There was a time when I'd get hurt and angry and felt as though I was being treated unfairly, and growing up the way I did with an abusive father...I felt like I had to stand strong and defend myself. Because I REFUSED to ever be bullied or abused or have people tell blatant LIES about me ever again. But...things have changed.
It's actually a really good feeling to know that it doesn't bother me anymore. It's like that moment at the end of the first "Matrix" when Neo sees the computer code and finally realizes what's really going on. Hehehe! It just didn't matter anymore. I've seen a few comments on my stories that were obviously posted in an attempt to hurt or trigger me in some way, but they don't work. I don't think people realize how much LOVE I've received over the years, and with each new chapter that I post, the fanbase grows bigger. They actually look pretty ridiculous trying to cut me down, to be honest. And even when dealing with the public at my job or with family members that seem a little less than sane? Hehehe! I can tell when they're causing conflict for drama's sake...and I just shrug my shoulders and walk away. It just doesn't hurt anymore. And that's a strange, but really comfortable place to be, because I feel like I can be at my best 24/7 now and not fear the criticism to follow. Because I've seen the worst that they've had to offer, and it wasn't really all that bad. I'm still me, I still love myself for who I am, and there's nothing that they can do about it. Nothing at all. That's got to drive them CRAZY!
So, all is forgiven as far as any of my former conflicts are concerned. I simply don't care. LOL! I mean that.
Now...if there's someone who is 'toxic' to me, and every interaction ends up in some kind of a fight or an argument, then I will definitely stay the fuck away from you, and ask you to do the same. Not because of a grudge or any bitterness...I just know that putting my hand on a hot stove causes a burn, and I'm not going to do it anymore. We have nothing to talk about. But don't think for one moment that I'm sitting around hating you and grumbling under my breath when your name comes up...because I'm not. I have enough love and support in my life where I don't need to depend on someone abusive giving me attention while draining me emotionally. Nope. If we don't get along, then we just don't get along. We're not friends, but it would be exhausting for me to waste the energy it takes to make you an enemy. I'm not going to give them that level of attention. They're not worth it.
So...I'm happy to say that I've got no outstanding debts in terms of grudges or conflicts. My slate's been wiped clean. I don't ever FORGET...but forgiveness is easy for me. I don't plan to be weighed down by somebody else's issues. So, treat me with kindness, and get twice as much in return. Abuse me? And I'll move on without giving you another thought at all. Trust me, you're not getting to me. I could care less. You'll have to deal with that anger and those self loathing problems on your own.
Meanwhile...I'll be having the time of my life without you! Woo hoo! :)
Too bad that you missed out on the party!
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