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Date Posted: 07:26:06 03/01/21 Mon
In reply to:
's message, "Imagine Question For 3/1" on 06:21:34 03/01/21 Mon
Sometimes I wonder about love. Like have I ever really been in love? It's not exactly a science, where it's easy to define what in love means compared to really like, or some other version of love. How do you measure it?
I think, while I've had a few partners in my life, I've probably only been in love once. When I loved them completely. I never held back. I ached to be with them when I wasn't, and when I was and liked nothing more than to hold them and kiss them, and have sex. Lots and lots of sex. :D
It was a very intense relationship.
In my teens, I fell in love with another boy, we were in a relationship for nearly two years, and it ended pretty badly. We haven't spoken since.
I've seen him on Facebook and stuff, when I was curious. He has two kids now. He's been in and out of the slammer, too. He's pretty messed up. He's not the person I once knew and loved. But I feel nothing for him. No sympathy. No regrets, no longing to see him again. Sometimes I look back at what we were together and smile about it. But nothing else. Our break up was too nasty, but I don't want to go into the details about it.
It took me a few months to get over him. Part of that broken heart feeling is the reason I've kept other people away. That and relationships with others that have fallen apart. My father, other friends and relatives, the betrayals, the gossiping, and failing to be there for me when I really needed them to be, despite always being there for them.
I've learned not to put my trust in other people. Not to invest all my emotion in others, without holding back.
And Some people might think that that's no way to live, or that it's a lonely way to live, but I don't think so. In the last 20 years, my life's been simpler, and less stressful as a result. So no regrets. I've had other relationships since, and they were good relationships, but I don't think I was head over heels in love with them. There was always something holding me back, protecting me. And you know, when I look round at all the people in my life, those people in relationships, most of the time they're not really happy. And they have to give and compromise on who they are, and what they want. They have children and are dealt with a whole new set of worries to deal with.
The good times (the kodak moments) seem to be fleeting and far and few between. The rest of the time they're saddled with debt, dealing with affairs, arguments, divorces, trouble with their kids, and I thank my fortunes that I have none of that in my own life.
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My thoughts... -- Comicality, 12:18:48 03/03/21 Wed
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