tell me what i need to do to improve....Its a short Rhyme about all the shit ive been threw with my mom.. -- The Lounge Of Lyricism 2003

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Date Posted: 21:54:39 01/14/03 Tue
Author: Abraham
Author Host/IP: cache-dm07.proxy.aol.com / 205.188.209.75
Subject:

tell me what i need to do to improve....Its a short Rhyme about all the shit ive been threw with my mom..

Its been years now since you said you loved me/
been months since you fu*$%* hugged me/
All you do is critiscize the things that i do/
well screw you/
you thought you were the only one/
that longed to take out all your madness with a loaded gun/
and pop shots at my pops/
but i would take a bullet for that man/
damn, you say that i dont understand all of the pain that your going threw/
well screw you/
all you do is yell at me and tell me that you hate me
but lately ive been thinking and thinking about this life of mine/
and ive come to find that my life is shittier than yours
ive slept on the floor in five difrent houses with mouses that bite/
and at night ill i think about is you/
and all the shit that you said yous gonna do.
so screw you/

Im hoping that you read this/
and heed this warning /
that in the morning/
im coming after you/
so screw you/

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Replies:

what you need to do is something completely different than this... the whole "tortured soul" and "manically depressed" shit?? TIRED! I don't understand why, when someone sits down and says "ok i'm gonna do some deep shit now"... it always comes out depressing as fuck!! Focus on some more positive shit, then write about it, and I probably still won't like it. But it won't be this, which is improvement. (NT) -- INTOX, 22:01:03 01/14/03 Tue
Like I said,,,,,,earlier I feel your pain but I dont feel the verse.........Step it up man.................Ghost (NT) -- Wes Jones, 00:55:47 01/15/03 Wed
ok topic but it didnt really rhyme that well (NT) -- con, 04:29:43 01/15/03 Wed
I know what it's like to be in a Moonwalk bouncing from house to house, it messes with your emotions hard, freinds last as long as a month, but your verse was way to short and needs some work, expand your thoughts, shit was aight thou, keep on, (NT) -- Grotesque, 11:43:55 01/15/03 Wed

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