erm just thoughts about some deep shit so peep and gimme feed back -- The Lounge Of Lyricism 2003

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Date Posted: 14:57:44 02/07/03 Fri
Author: nemisis
Author Host/IP: webcacheM05b.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.194.15
Subject: erm just thoughts about some deep shit so peep and gimme feed back

if my mother was to die today
id protect her in every single way
id stop it if i could
but even if i couldnt, i would
even if i had to die with her it wouldnt matter
at least i would be in heaven with her
cause thats were we would be, heaven
but if i do get shot its gonna be at eleven
i aint scared of dying just like tupac
and if i do die, atleast my family is intact
cause when i go they gonna need protection
so you can tell my daughter she can have the mansion
i always said i wasnt gonna be a failure
and now im determined to not fail ya
cause, i gotta give my family a decent livin
cause i dont want my daughter to live in a life of sin
my lyrics are serious and deal with issues
so before you listen you better get some tissues
cause im tryin to make a difference in this world ya know
cause this is the only way that we can grow
so when we all leave and go to a better place
we'll be looking at god straight in the face
it wont be a matter of black or white
theyll be no-one tryin to give you a fight
we'll all be livin in heaven together
and i know one day i'll see my other daughter heather
cause we all have family we wanna see again
and since they've gone all ya feelin' is pain
so when ya see them for one last time
god aint punished ya for all of ya crimes

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Replies:

You seemed to have a lot of ideas stuffed up in this rhyme....Next time, come more concentrated....I'm not saying that it was bad...'cause it wasn't.....Just take advice....Keep up and stay up... (NT) -- h � k �/|_ A \/�...., 15:11:29 02/07/03 Fri
agreein wit hex.....ha....now u gettin the idea dawg....jk....nem....just focus (NT) -- styliztik...aka..quote, 15:18:38 02/07/03 Fri
I thought that if you were to put a little more time into the same idea's it would be better than it already is...one (NT) -- does it matter, 17:49:33 02/07/03 Fri
Nice aim in this I feel you, just concentrate on what u wanna say on each bar and dig deeper for another way to say it, I think this is one of the better posts Ive seen from you PEACE (NT) -- Pat D.A.W.G, 19:59:37 02/07/03 Fri

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