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Tue April 23, 2024 10:06:30 [ Login ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, [7], 8, 9, 10 ]

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Date Posted: 09:33:14 02/01/03 Sat
Author: FLaTLyNe
Author Host/IP: spider-mtc-th072.proxy.aol.com / 64.12.102.52
Subject: Enter...
In reply to: J£:The®ealist of Κa†a¢lÿzm 's message, "Repost!......"The Lessons of Failure"......enjoy this ya'll!" on 03:12:33 02/01/03 Sat

Nice...very nice scheme you had...quite melodic..

'until i realized i's drillin myself in the dirt, now how can i get unearthed'- that was one helluva question..nice!

'if i abet it and "go gentle unto that good night", and grow mental under the hood's strife
or if i surrender to contenders' agendas not showin my dentals whenever those crooks strike
and oops would be right if i got shook like some dice, when the brooks of my life try to push me wit tides
if they look for me to cry....it's a lost cause, those wells've run dry, that dwell in my eyes'-...dope

'cuz it always seems to rain on my trail, ain't seen the sun since i was young..but that's only cuz i's an innocent child
not yet soiled by the toils of my miniscule life, back when i didn't know repentance for the infinite miles'- very nice!

My only pointer is...don't let the multi-word rhyme scheme out live it's visit...once it's done like 3 or 4 times to give the bar it's rhythm..don't exceed it because it throws off the entire flow...

peace!

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Replies:

  • Overall, this was an excellent read.......You're starting to have a similarity to my old posts.....Keep that up and I'll be hitting you up for a collabo sometime in the future.....Stay up.... (NT) -- h £ k §/|_ A \/©...., 13:38:58 02/01/03 Sat




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