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Date Posted: 22:10:35 06/05/09 Fri
Author: Susan (surprised)
Subject: It occured to me that:

I am a recovering alcohol, went to therapy, years ago, and was surprised to hear that I had dissociative disorder and probable molestation as a child that I just couldn't remember. After months of therapy 3x per week, I was told I had been ritualisticaly abused probably by satans. In considering this, there was the infant death of my mothers only brother, the child being their first son.

I've always had things happening, I had seen ghosts twice in my life and have unexplainable noises-loud-and I assume I've got some rotten ghost in the house and terrified, I yell at it until it leaves.

Well, it occured to me that maybe parts of me were really due to some bad ghosts hitch hiking a ride on me. So I tell it forcefully to leave, then I went through a ridiculous period of 3 days of insomnia, self medication and bizarre sleeping patterns.

So then...I decide to look up self-exorcism on the internet, and I come back to the messages of my therapist many years ago. Dissociation, questions about MPD (I am not.) And the guess about trauma and rape in my childhood.

I FINALLY had a dream and, it was before I could talk, but I saw the seens, places and person who did molest me as a child.

The satanic part--the therapist gave me a children's book for kids that survived satanism, to help reorient them. All I know is that when I read that children's book as an adult, I sobbed and felt many strong emotions. I also dreamed that, with the scene of a living child being locked in a coffin, that was "The apocalypse is the total culmination of all the thought, feelings, horror and hell--showing me while this was said, implying the state I was in now.

I don't believe I will ever know what happened; I do have a knife somewhere nearby in my house often, and it made wonder when I realized I was doing this.

There was also an episode of living through domestic violence that was pretty bad, confounding things.

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