Author:
RulzR4 (HELL!!)
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Date Posted: 03:37:51 03/29/09 Sun
hey, im 14 and i have depression, before the christams holidays i did somthing that i REGRET soooooooooooo MUCH!!! i lied and cheated to my friends and it was to akward to hang round them and it went on for like 2 months, they hated me but i wouldnt blame them, i hated my self MORE than them for just doing wat i did, but now evarythings sorted and im back with my friends. but i dont think enayone believes me that i have depression cuase of wat i did, plus...... i dont no how to say it cuase its just..... well theres no word for it but its... HELLLLLL!!! im a bengali, muslim, and thats like the worst to be, my familly have ristrictions to wat i do and i cant do ANYTHING!! and when i say anything i MEEN anything! i cant evan get out of the house, well... i would call it child abuse, i get beaten if i make a mistake and my familly LITRALLY dont care about me, if i NEVER met my friends i would have comitted suicide. MY FRIENDS ARE ARE MY LIFE, if i dont have them then i would die and im not one of those people who say that they would die for there friends and never meen it, im a person who reely would DIE for there friends my life isnt worth living so i might as well die with the people i love, ive done alot in my 14 years of my life, some things bad, somthings good, but i never tell people of the good things i do especially my perants thats why im the only one in my familly that evary one hates becuase they think ive only done the bad things not the good ones, that theyve never heard me talk about, most of my friends no about wat ive done, i have so much stuff to say to them, stuff i found out, stuff i no but wen i get started i just cant finish it, but if you havnt met them, you wont belive wat your missing out on. Most of them are the prettiest thing ive ever witnessed in my life and i LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS, they no more about me than my familly they are the reason im living, they understand me unlike evaryone else!! I have to much to say about my life but i cant say it becuase of the "laws" and "boundaries" of my religion and culture. i never thought anyone cared about me, well not as much as i care about them (only my friends) i would NEVER evan think of hurting them not in anyway, and i wouldnt let anyone hurt them if i could, life is hell wen there not around, and since a week ago, ive been DREAMING about them, i dont no why but i miss them so much wen i go to sleep that i always cry to sleep! and on msn wen i talk to them i ALWAYS, LITRALLY ALWAYS cry cuase i miss them so much and i hate the weekends only cuase i cant see them and be with them, i lve them and i love evary single one of them, and each one of them is uniqe, but i dont think the no all this and im sure they hide some feelings of theres that evan i dont no but i just wanna tell them SOMEHOW! that i will ALWAYS be there for them, and anyone of you aswell if you need help!. those 2 months was like living hell to me and i think i came like an inch to suicide but i decided to live for an other day. you guys have my deapest smypthys, i never new there would be people who had the sort of same problem as me but im not ready to die, YET! and if you think no one cares about you guys then let me be the first, i would gladlly help! (contact me if you want)(RulzR4 isnt my real name by the way, if you havnt noticed)(sorry for the essay)
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