| Subject: Pride : part 15 |
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rooster
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Date Posted: 21:27:52 01/16/08 Wed
Alternative Universe
Summary: Harm and Mac act out Pride and Prejudice
Disclaimer: see prologue
Author's note: One thing to remember, this is a coming of age story. Sarah is becoming a woman, her view on life has always been that of a teenager. Her view of life is changing to that of an adult.
Her concept of love is fom reading romance novels. Her friend Harriet is much older. She knows love is more than physical attraction. It's about learning to live together.
It's one of the difficulties that cause her not to understand Darcy, who is much older and mature.
During this part Sarah reflects on her feelings and her her relationship with Darcy.
part fifteen Time to Go Home
Rosings
It was her last week at Hunsford before Sarah returned home. She needed to get away from Rosings Park. The memories of the last couple of days were still fresh and raw in her mind. She needed to get away from everything that reminded her of him.
She still couldn't believe that Mr. Darcy had asked her to marry him. She wondered what Lady Catherine would have had to say about it? She probably wouldn't have been very happy about it.
Then of course Allison and Mrs. Boone wouldn't have been very happy either. She knew Allison could be very mean when she teased. She also knew from Jordan that she tormented Mr. Darcy about his interest in her last fall before he left.
Was that the reason behind his leaving last fall and never returning? Was he really that sensitive to what his family and friends thought? Maybe that was what he meant when he talked about his family and friends. They could be quite mean and abusive.
But what about his cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam? Surely he wouldn't have objected? Or would he be disappointed that he wouldn't be able to marry her?
No, he mentioned to her something about finding a woman with money to continue living in the life style he had grown accustomed to, but he would have approved of her, she was sure of that. He liked her, she could tell.
She didn't like the gall that Mr. Darcy had exhibited, it was beyond reproach. How could he say the things he said? He was supposed to be a gentleman, a man of good breeding. Why couldn't he have kept his proposal short like all his other conversations that he had with her?
All he had to do was say was 'I love you Sarah, will you marry me?' Maybe he could have added a few more words about why he love her like 'you're beautiful, I like the way you move, or you have a interesting mind that I find fascinating.'
She would have still said no, but she would have been able to let him down easier. She might have said 'I don't love you, I didn't think you felt anything for me so I never invested myself emotionally about having any kind of relationship with you.'
She couldn't believe that he actually loved her. When had all this happened? Why hadn't he shown her or said something to her before then? She thought he didn't like her. How can you love someone who doesn't like you?
Their relationship could have been so different if he had just let her know about his feelings. She might have been flattered by his attention if she had known the reasons he was paying attention to her.
There was a big difference between knowing he was looking at her because he loved her and because she thought he was trying to find fault with her. Why couldn't he have said something?
Then there was the issue of her family. He didn't like them. He believed them to be fools. Yet, for some reason it didn't seem to matter to him? Why? Because he loves her? How could her family be a reason for Mr. Keeter to not be with Jordan, but not for him?
But what really upset her was his dismissive attitude in demeaning her while he proceeded to ask her to marry him. She was not worthy to be with him, but he wanted her anyway. Why did he think she would be okay with that?
All he had to say was he loved her and wanted her to be his wife. She would have still said no, but she would have tried to not hurt his feelings. She would have told him that she was honored by his offer, but that she didn't love him.
She was looking to marry a man she loved. She wasn't looking for a marriage of convenience. If he had then asked further she would have said that she thought he didn't like her so her defense mechanism kicked in.
Not that he was a bad man, but that she hadn't thought he was interested in her. She hadn't thought it worth while wasting emotional energy falling in love with someone who didn't like you.
He could always try courting her then. If he was determined to marry her, she might be willing to reevaluate their relationship after a time. She could have him consult with her cousin Mr. Collins.
He certainly could offer a word or thousand about how to ask a woman to marry him. She might be willing to look back at his behavior and appreciate the attention he had given her.
But it would still be quite difficult to excuse him for running away for four months while he tried to forget about her instead of dealing with his attraction for her.
Then there was the issue of Jordan and Mr. Keeter. She couldn't love a man who hurt her sister and his best friend so badly. He would have to rectify that situation before she would ever consider loving him.
She was brought her out of her thoughts by Lady Catherine. She had been on one of her long-winded monologues, which had the tendency to cause one's mind to wander.
"Do you have to go Ms MacKenzie? I'm sure your mother can spare you for a couple of more weeks." wailed Lady Catherine.
Her home had been full of people the last few weeks. Mr. Darcy and his cousin had stayed for four weeks, two weeks longer than she expected. Ms. MacKenzie and Ms Lucas had been here twice a week for the last five weeks.
They were a welcome addition to Mr. Collins and his wife's bi weekly visits. Things were going to be very quiet around here now. She was going to miss the additional activity. She felt energized with all the company.
"My mother might not need me for another two weeks, but my father does." Sarah replied.
"Nonsense, fathers don't care whether or not their daughters are at home." she argued.
"Maybe in most cases you would be right ma'am. I know my sisters can drive my father crazy. He calls them the three most silliest girls in the country, but my father and I have a special relationship. I'm his little girl. I'm the one who helps keep him sane." smiled Sarah.
"I'm going to miss our conversations Ms MacKenzie. I hope you will come and visit again soon in the near future." sighed Lady Catherine in resignation.
"I would enjoy that ma'am. You have been an excellent host. It was very kind of you to open up your house to Maria and me and entertain us during our visit." replied Sarah as she offered some kind platitudes. She knew the old woman was lonely.
It might be one of the reasons she talked so much, she has so much to say, but no one to say it to. Besides she didn't have to invite her to her home twice a week. She didn't know her. She had been very generous to open up her home so often to her.
"It was nice of you to put up with my nephew while he was here. He can be quite morose at time. He seemed to enjoy your company though. I think it was one of the reasons he stayed on here for an additional two weeks." sighed Lady Catherine. She was going to miss Mr. Darcy.
"I'm quite surprise at that Ma'am. We seem to disagree a lot. Just last week before he left we had big disagreement." sighed Sarah wondering why she was telling her this.
"What were you fighting about Ms MacKenzie?" she asked.
"Nothing really Ma'am. I was angry with him about something he did a few months ago. It was miscommunication mostly ..... he thought one thing, I thought it was something else. It dealt with some issues that occurred in Hertfordshire before he left.
He helped resolved some of the misconceptions I had and I did the same for him. I'm still unhappy with him for what he did, but I'm not angry with him anymore. I think he's just disappointed with me right now. I don't know if we will ever see each other again." sighed Sarah.
"I hope that's not true Ms MacKenzie. I hope that won't keep you from visiting again. I have enjoyed having you here." replied Lady Catherine as she tried to reassure Sarah.
Sunday
26 April
Hunsford
Sarah was ready to go home. Her time at Hunsford with Harriet had been a mix blessing. It had been really good to see Harriet again. Harriet had married her cousin Bud Collins, a pompous ridiculous fool.
She couldn't understand why Harriet had consented to marry Mr. Collins. Her relationship with Harriet had been strained when Harriet left. But she had promised Harriet that she would visit her in the spring.
With Jordan staying with the Burnetts there wasn't any sane person for her to talk with. She had been looking forward to visiting Harriet by the time she arrived at Hunsford. She was pleased to see that Harriet was happy to be married to Mr. Collins.
Somehow Harriet and Mr. Collins seemed to have found a way to coexist in a loving manner. She laughed when Harriet said the key to her happiness was keeping Mr. Collins busy in the gardens and attending to the needs of the parish.
That didn't leave too much time for him to spend with her. She didn't have to listen to his endless senseless dribble all day or his many faux pas. She was happy to have her own house to run and Mr. Collins let her run the day to day operations with very little input.
Sarah had been surprised that they had dinner with Lady Catherine as often as they did, several times a week while they were there. There was also an occasional afternoon tea with Lady Catherine.
Listening to Lady Catherine ramble on was both interesting and trying at the same time as Lady Catherine was an expert about everything, but a master of nothing.
She had an opinion on everything and felt the need to be included in everyone's conversation along the way. She surely was a test to Sarah's manners. Maybe she was one of the reasons Mr. Darcy was so quiet.
There were many times Lady Catherine would be talking and would referred to him about something, but before he could say anything in response she was rambling on again about something else.
She had to admit that wherever she and Mr. Darcy were, he was usually very quiet and didn't say much. Maybe he was right when he told her she had a tendency to misunderstand everything concerning him.
Well it wouldn't matter anymore. She was doubtful that she would ever see him again. They didn't travel in the same circles. He certainly wouldn't be coming to Longbourn, Netherfield, or Hertfordshire anytime soon.
She wouldn't be going to Pemberly to see him. She didn't often go to town and when she did, she doubt that it was anywhere Mr. Darcy would go.
Before Sarah returned home she sat down and wrote a letter to Lady Catherine thanking her for entertaining her at Rosings Park. There wasn't any reason to do so and she didn't have any obligations to do so.
Dear Lady Catherine de Bourgh:
I would like to thank you once again for taking the time to entertain Maria and me at Rosings Park while we were visiting my cousin Mr. Collins and his wife, Harriet.
You were a very gracious and generous host and I enjoyed the time we spent with you and your daughter Renee. Your home and estate were very beautiful and I enjoyed the many hours I spent walking through your lovely park.
I thank you for your kind invitation to come and visit with you again.
Thank you
very much,
Sarah MacKenzie.
Sunday
26 April
Longbourn
It was a long ride home for Sarah and Maria. Maria was excited about the different stories she was going to tell her mother and brother. She had dined at Rosings twelve times and had afternoon tea there another eight or nine times.
Lady Catherine was as formidable a person as she had been led to believe from Harriet. Mr. Collins didn't say very much in her presence. Harriet hardly said a word at all. She was content to sit there and listen.
But Sarah didn't seem to be intimidated at all by Lady Catherine. She gave her opinions with such frankness that it often left Lady Catherine speechless. Which was an amusing sight since it seemed that Lady Catherine rarely stop talking.
Maria was very happy that she was able to see her sister Harriet. It had been three months since Harriet had married Mr. Collins. Maria was use to having her big sister around. She missed her sister very much.
She had also developed a relationship with Lady Catherine's daughter Renee. They had gotten along very well and had become good friends.
As for Sarah she was greeted warmly by her family when she returned home. She had been missed by all of them, but especially by her father. He hadn't had a sane moment or conversation in weeks since Sarah and her sister Jordan had been away.
"It's nice to have you home Sarah." Mr. MacKenzie greeted his daughter with a hug.
"I've missed you too Papa. Lady Catherine wanted me to stay another two weeks, but I told her you needed me." smiled Sarah.
"Indeed I did Sarah. How was your trip? Did Lady Catherine introduce you to any young gentlemen?" teased Mr. MacKenzie.
"I had an enjoyable time. I didn't realize how much I missed Harriet until I saw her again. We were able to talk. She told me how happy she was to be running her own home. She seems to be happy being married to Mr. Collins." replied Sarah.
"That's nice, Harriet is a good girl. She deserves to be happy. Did you see the world renowned Lady Catherine de Bourgh and her fireplace?" teased Mr. MacKenzie. "Did she have any young men available for your inspection?
"Yes, I saw her. She invited us to Rosings for dinner twice a week and to afternoon tea a few times." replied Sarah.
"And the young men?" he asked again. "Surely Lady Catherine wouldn't invite a beautiful young lady into her home without providing her with a suitable escort. It's not heard of in polite society."
"Mr. Darcy was there with his cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam." replied Sarah hoping that would be the end of it.
"Ah!!!! Mr. Darcy, the man who will some day ask you to marry him." smiled Mr. MacKenzie.
"Papa! You know I don't like him." protested Sarah. Why was he doing this to her. She knew he was only teasing her, but it was too close to the truth. She was still in too much pain when it concerned Mr. Darcy.
"Isn't he the man you told your mother was courting you? You know he won't find a better woman than you to be his wife. I wouldn't be surprise at all that he asks you to marry him some day." smirked Mr. MacKenzie not knowing how true his statement really was.
"Papa! I told you I don't like him. Why would he ask me to marry him? And if he ever did I would say no." replied Sarah hoping that this was the end of this conversation.
"I'm at a lost Sarah. You refuse to marry Mr. Collins who was a silly man. I could understand that because you need a man you can love and respect.
You don't want to marry Mr. Darcy, a rich, good looking, and quite sensible young man. He could give you everything your heart could ever desire.
Mr. Turner is good looking and a charming man for sure, but he is too poor. What kind of man are you looking for to marry Sarah?" queried Mr. MacKenzie.
"I don't know Papa, but he has to be someone I can love with all my heart unconditionally." she replied. She didn't want to admit it, but Mr. Darcy had taken hold of her heart, even if it was only a very small part at the present moment.
Her world had been turned upside down while she was at Hunsford. She had seen Harriet's new life. She was happy running her own house and having a man who loved her and treated her as an equal.
She hadn't really thought too much about getting married. Mr. Darcy had been a man who had attracted her attention, but he had been too unsociable for her to care much about. She had grown to dislike him and his pride.
But that all changed when he told her he loved her. How could she hate a man or dislike him if he loved her. She was so confuse. She needed to talk with Jordan. She would help her figure things out.
Tuesday
28 April
Longbourn
Sarah had been home a couple of days before she felt comfortable enough to talk about her trip to Hunsford. Her sisters were very happy to see her and had taken up much of her time since the Militia had left Meryton for Brighton.
She was upstairs in Jordan's bedroom away from her mother and sisters. She needed to talk with Jordan about what had happened while she was at Hunsford. She didn't want her other sisters or her mother to know.
"Mr. Darcy was there." whispered Sarah, not believing she was going to tell Jordan about what happened while she was at Hunsford.
"Really? Why?" asked Jordan.
"It seems that Lady Catherine de Bourgh is his aunt. I guess he visits her a couple of times a year, usually once in the spring and then again in the fall. He was there with his cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam." answered Sarah.
"I hope you got along with Mr. Darcy." replied Jordan.
He might be her only connection to Mr. Keeter. Even though she kept on telling Sarah she was over Mr. Keeter, she still longed to see him again. Mr. Darcy might be the only way she would ever see him again.
"I don't know. I guess for the most part it was okay. He was a little more sociable. He came to Hunsford to visit the Collins a few times a week or so he said, but Harriet believed he was really coming there to see me. She saw no reason why Mr. Darcy would visit her or Mr. Collins." sighed Sarah.
"Really, and to think we thought he didn't like you." laughed Jordan.
"A few times he actually met me when I was out walking the grounds. He would then walk with me and escort me back to Hunsford afterwards. He would hardly say anything. I couldn't understand why he would bother." continued Sarah.
"He must be in love with you Sarah." as Jordan once again laughed.
But Sarah didn't respond to the quip. She sat there quietly looking at Jordan in disbelief. Jordan sensed that something was wrong, but what? Could it be true? Was Mr. Darcy in love with her sister?
"What's wrong Sarah?" she asked with grave concerned.
"He asked me to marry him. He said he loved me." replied Sarah so softly that Jordan wasn't sure she heard her right.
"He asked you to marry him?" she asked in disbelief. "I thought he didn't like you."
"I guess we were wrong about that." replied Sarah barely audible.
"What did you say?" asked Jordan though she was sure she knew the answer.
"I told him no. When he asked me why, I told him I didn't like him. When he pushed me harder, I told him I didn't liked the way he asked me." she replied.
"What did he say?" asked Jordan.
"It wasn't very flattering, basically he said loving me went against his better judgment, that I wasn't worthy of marrying him because of my low station in life, and that his family and friends would never accept me." replied Sarah sadly.
"I told him I wouldn't marry him if he were the last man on earth. That's when he really got nasty. I finally told him that since the first day I met him his behavior was horrible. That he showed total distained for everyone he met.
That he made sure everyone was well aware that he was better than they were. And that his behavior wasn't that of a gentleman. I think that hurt his pride the most." finished Sarah.
"Wow! When did this all happen?" asked Jordan.
"A day or two before he left. Before he left he gave me a letter he wrote that explained a few things, but it really didn't change anything." replied Sarah.
"How long was he there at Rosings?" asked Jordan.
"He was there for four weeks. He thought I should just be honored that he asked me, he thought he didn't have to say or show me somehow that he was interested in me." sighed Sarah.
"Now that you know that he loves you and you've had some time to think about it, have your feelings for him changed any?" asked Jordan.
"I don't know. I wished he had been able to say something sooner to me. If I had known he liked me, so many things could have been different. I think the time we spent together could have been much better.
It might have been easier to get him to open up and to talk. Maybe I would have like him. Who knows?" sighed Sarah.
"Well one thing is for sure, you'll probably never see him again. I doubt very much he'll be coming back here. And you don't travel in his social circle. You probably hurt his pride beyond repair. I don't think he'll want to see you again." replied Jordan.
"Are you sure about that? He said he loves me? How long does it take to get over loving someone? I know you say you don't care about Mr. Keeter anymore, but we both know you still love him and you haven't gotten over him yet." argued Sarah.
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