| Subject: Pride : part 16 |
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rooster
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Date Posted: 17:14:41 01/23/08 Wed
Alternative Universe
Summary: Harm and Mac act out Pride and Prejudice
Disclaimer: see prologue
Author's note : Why is it that others see clearly what we do not? Why are things so clear upon reflection, but not as we live them?
part sixteen Time to Heal
Wednesday
6 May
Longbourn
It was spring and the militia was on the move again. They were moving from their winter lodgings in the north to Brighton on the south coast. On the way they were passing through Meryton.
The militia would be spending a week in Meryton before heading South to Brighton. This excited Chloe and Mattie to no end for they hadn't seen the militia in several months. They were friends of a few of the officers.
This gave Chloe and Mattie the idea of going to Brighton for the summer too. They past the idea by their mother first who thought it was a grand idea, but she knew it would never happen. She knew Mr. MacKenzie didn't like leaving the comforts of Longbourn.
Mr. MacKenzie wasted no time in squashing the idea quickly. There was no way he was going to Brighton. He enjoyed the comforts that his home provided for him. He also liked the privacy he had at home. If he went to Brighton he knew his nights wouldn't be his own.
He would have to take his daughters to too many events put on by the militia. Then he would have to listen to them for the rest of the night. This of course upset Mattie and Chloe greatly.
This led Mattie to having a conversation with Mrs. Foster about the unfairness of it all. She told Mrs. Foster how her father didn't want to take them to Brighton for the summer and that she was going to miss her dear friend.
This led Mrs. Foster to come up with a marvelous idea of talking with her husband who agreed to invite Mattie to come along and stay with them while the militia was in Brighton.
Mattie was very excited about the idea and was fortunate that Mr. MacKenzie agreed to let her go to Brighton. Chloe was quite upset that she hadn't been included in the invitation.
She knew Mrs. Foster too. Why couldn't she go to Brighton too? She was two years older than Mattie. Unfortunately her arguments fell on deaf ears. Mr. MacKenzie was not about to let her go.
Sarah was surprised that her father was allowing Mattie go with Mrs. Foster to Brighton. Mr. Turner was going to be there. No good could come of it. Mattie was much too young and foolish to be chaperone by Mrs. Foster who wasn't much older than Mattie herself.
There was no way Mattie wouldn't get into some kind of trouble. She needed a strong authority figure to curtail her behavior. From what she had seen of Colonel Foster, that wasn't about to happen.
He allowed his wife carte blanc to act in any manner she chose, not an ideal situation for a foolish young woman who lack self control and discipline of her own. She was as silly as Chloe and Mattie.
"You can't let her go Papa, you know she can't control herself." pleaded Sarah.
"Colonel Foster is a good man, I'm sure she'll be alright. How much trouble can she get into?" sighed Mr. MacKenzie. He wanted to enjoy his summer. That wasn't going to happen with Mattie around whining.
"Besides Sarah, Jordan went to town with the Burnetts last winter. She spent almost four months there. You've been to Hunsford for six weeks this spring and you're going away for another four weeks this summer with the Burnetts.
Is it really too much for her to ask to go somewhere with a friend for a few months too? The Fosters will watch out for her." replied her father.
"If you let her go she'll gain the reputation as being the biggest flirt in the county. You don't realized the effect her foolishness has caused the family." argued Sarah.
"Have you lost a suitor my dear Sarah? Jordan and your reputation are safe. Three foolish sisters can't change that. Those that know you won't hold their actions against you." replied Mr. MacKenzie.
Experience had taught him that people were judge on their own merits, not by the actions of others. Sometimes people would talk about it for short while, but it was usually soon forgotten.
"If only you knew the effects of their actions. If Jordan or I were going to be defined by living only in Hertfordshire all our lives, what you say may very well be true. But what if our world extends beyond Hertfordshire to London or further?
You know it must have had an affect on Jordan's chances with Mr. Keeter. Why else would he have left so suddenly? He told me the night of the ball that he intended on staying on at Netherfield. Where is he now?" argued Sarah.
"If your younger sisters' actions at the ball caused Mr. Keeter to stop seeing your sister, then he didn't love her and he wasn't meant to be with her. Besides you told your mother that night that Mr. Darcy was courting you. What happen? Mr. Darcy ran from the table." smiled Mr. MacKenzie.
"Your mother was as silly as your sisters when she was younger. She still has her moments even today. But I loved her as much now as I did then. She is a loving and caring mother who has raised you well.
She does an excellent job of running the house. One shouldn't be judge as a person base solely on their behavior at a party or two. I've lived long enough to know that if you're meant to be someone, you will be.
I'm sure if Mr. Keeter truly loves your sister he'll be back. Who knows, maybe his friend Mr. Darcy will come back and want you. Your mother and I saw the way he was with you before he left." teased Mr. MacKenzie.
Sarah cringed inside knowing the truth of that statement. He had been in love with her that night before he left. She still didn't really understand why, but he had wanted to marry her despite her silly sisters and mother.
Maybe her father was right. Maybe one's family was only an excuse to justify a lack of love or commitment. Mr. Darcy had still loved her, maybe Mr. Keeter hadn't loved Jordan after all.
Tuesday
12 May
Longbourn
Dear Mr. Darcy
of Pemberly
It has been several weeks since we last corresponded. I am writing to tell you that I have read the letter that you gave to me before you left explaining your perceived shortcomings.
I also want to say I'm sorry about some of the things that I said. I never wanted to hurt you, you know that, but you pushed me too hard and wouldn't accept my response.
While I never understood you as well as I would have liked, I do feel I got to know you a little better at Netherfield and later at Rosings.
I know you aren't a mean spirited man and I do value your friendship even though your actions have always been a mystery to me.
I am also writing to explain the feelings I was experiencing the day you proposed to me. Of all the days for you to confess to me that you loved me, that day was the worse one possible. I was very angry with you at the time.
Your cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, had just told me about your participation in breaking up Jordan and Mr. Keeter. At that moment I hated you, I hated everything about you. I wanted to kill you, but I knew I couldn't.
I had run from the church because I was so angry with you and I was very upset. I needed some time to be alone. I needed time to think about how I felt about your interference and what I wanted to do.
I needed time to calm down. I didn't want the anger I was feeling to cause me to say things to you that I might later regret. I didn't want to hurt you, but you didn't walk away like you usually do.
The last thing I expected was for you to show up and profess that you loved me. I didn't even want to see you at that moment much less talk to you. I didn't want to hear anything you had to say.
But I was raise better than that, so I decided to be a lady, to keep quiet, and to be polite. Even though I was very angry with you and I didn't want to, I decided to listen to what you had to say.
To be very honest with you I was very surprised that you felt that way about me. I never thought you even liked me. At best I thought you tolerated my existence and maybe you were intrigued with me because I challenged your preconceptions.
Maybe if you had said something sooner I might have understood your actions better. Maybe our time together could have been more pleasant and we could have gotten to know each other better.
But before I go any further I want to cover what you wrote in your letter. I believe you about what you wrote about your former friend, Mr. Turner. What you told me was very similar to what he had told me.
Where your stories differ is what happened after your father died and whether or not you kept your father's promise. I now believe that you would never have gone back on your father's word.
I believe your pride alone would have prevented you from not honoring his promise. I don't know why I ever doubted that. Maybe it was because he talked to me and made an effort to show me that he enjoyed my company.
Where as you were quite the opposite. You seemed to hate everything and everybody. You never owned up to anything when we talked. You even told your cousin that I assigned you opinions that weren't necessary your own. Maybe if you had I would have had an idea of what you were thinking.
You should have told me the truth about Mr. Turner from the beginning. It was always a cause of friction between us. You shouldn't have run away that day. It kept us from getting to know each other better.
I'm sure it was one of the reasons why you ran away from Hertfordshire last winter instead of staying and dealing with your feelings for me. But it was hard for me to believe that you loved me if you weren't there.
By the way Mr. Turner never had a bad word to say about you except about the church position. He actually told me that for a man of your position you were quite liberal minded and well liked by everyone.
As for my personal relationship with Mr. Turner, we were never more than good friends. He was a friend who I enjoyed talking to. There was never anything more than that since as I tried to explain to my silly younger sisters that even young handsome poor men need to eat too.
As for the matter of your interference between Jordan and Mr. Keeter, You will never be able to justify your actions to me especially since the reasons you gave me for keeping them apart didn't seem to matter enough to keep you from loving me.
When you consider that they openly displayed their feelings about each other, where as you kept your feelings for me a secret. They needed more time together to fully express their love.
As to why you chose to keep your feelings a secret I do not know. Maybe things between us would have been very different if you had told me how you felt. Maybe I would have understood your actions much better.
Instead, all I ever felt was resentment for you because you didn't seem to care or you seemed to be very critical of me and my family. At any rate I decided I wouldn't invest any emotional involvement with someone who had no interest and disliked me.
You once said I misunderstood everything. Maybe if you had made a better effort I would have understood and things could have been different between us.
You should have never interfered in Jordan and Mr. Keeter's relationship. It wasn't your place. As his friend you should have respected whatever decision he made regarding my sister.
You should have just supported him right or wrong and be there if he needed you.
I have nothing further to say except I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me someday for saying no to your proposal. It wasn't as easy a decision for me to say no as it might have appeared to you.
Maybe if you had asked me before I found out about your involvement with breaking up my sister and your friend, we might have been able to work something out.
I hope you have found peace with my decision and are not angry with me. I never wanted to hurt you and I hope that if we should ever meet again, that we can still be friends.
Sincerely:
Ms Sarah MacKenzie
As she sealed the letter to be sent to Pemberly her thoughts went to him. She didn't understand why, but she found herself thinking of him more and more everyday since she got home. It didn't make any sense to her.
Maybe it was because for the first time in her life a man had told her that he loved her. It was a strange feeling that she couldn't dismiss very easily. Everything was beginning to become clearer and make sense now upon revisiting the time she had spent with him.
Many of his actions had shown that he had loved or even cared for her. She wished she had known what his actions had meant at the time or that she had taken Harriet more seriously when she teased her that he loved her. Everything would be so much different now.
Thursday
16 July
Longbourn
It had been more than two months since Sarah had returned from Hunsford. It was time for her trip with her aunt and uncle, the Burnetts. They had made plans last winter to travel north and west to the Lake District in early summer.
It was very beautiful there at this time of year and the scenery along the way wasn't half bad either. Unfortunately this year her uncle could only take a three weeks off instead of the planned four so they wouldn't be able go to the Lake District this year as planned.
But there were other places much closer that they could go to. Her aunt had decided she would like to view the Peak district this summer. It was very beautiful in its own unique way. One of the places her aunt wanted to show Sarah was Lampton, the small town where she grew up.
The Burnetts arrived at Longbourn with their four children, two boys and two girls. They were going to stay with the MacKenzies while Burnetts took Sarah on their trip north. They would be enjoying what life in the country could provide.
They would be going swimming, hiking, feeding the farm animals among other things. It would also give the MacKenzie girls some experience looking after young children.
Sarah was looking forward to the trip. She loved her aunt and uncle. They were the only sane relatives she had besides Jordan and her father. It would be nice to travel with them and have them all to herself after a trying spring.
Sarah hoped that spending time with them would help her to stop thinking so much about Mr. Darcy. She didn't understand why he occupied her thoughts so much. She wondered now how she hadn't been able to see how much he cared for her.
He loved her. How was that possible? Did it really matter anymore? What were her chances that she would ever see him again? Why was she always thinking about him? Did she want to see him again?
She hated to admit it to herself, but yes, she wanted to see him. Things would be so different this time. She would draw him out. He wasn't really a bad conversationist once you got him talking.
He wasn't just a pretty face on a delectable body. He was a highly intelligent man with a sharp mind. She remembered some of the discussions they had when she was at Netherfield. They were challenging and fun.
It was a long trip by carriage, but they were blessed with sunny weather. They stopped off at several places to take in the breathtaking panoramas. Sarah had never seen anything like them before.
They were on the tenth day of their trip when their carriage broke down. Sarah wondered where they were. The forest they were in was very beautiful. She also wondered how far they were from Lampton.
"Where are we Aunt Marie? It's so beautiful here." asked Sarah.
"I believe that we are a couple of miles from Pemberly. Lampton is another five miles the other side." replied her aunt.
"What?" her aunt asked noticing Sarah's apparent discomfort.
"He's lives there." she replied barely above a whisper.
"Who?" asked her aunt with a smile.
She wondered if there was more going on between Mr. Darcy and Sarah than she was letting on. Why was she so uncomfortable? Why didn't she want to visit Pemberly?
"Mr. Darcy, I don't really want to see him." she replied.
"Why not Sarah?" asked her aunt. She wondered what was going on. It was unlike Sarah not to want to see someone she knew.
"It's what people of society do. They travel and look in on their friends. I do believe that you and Mr. Darcy are friends aren't you?"
From what she understood Mr. Darcy had been a big part of Sarah's life this spring. He visited her daily over a four week period. She had also heard about Sarah telling her mother last autumn that Mr. Darcy was courting her.
She and Mr. MacKenzie had a great deal of fun talking about the possibility of Sarah getting together with Mr. Darcy. They knew the notion was a little farfetched, but it made for good humor.
"We had a very nasty fight the last time I saw him. Some very nasty words were exchange by both of us and some feelings were definitely hurt." she sighed not wishing to discuss this matter any further.
"I'm sorry my dear, I was wondering why you seemed to be so despondent when we brought Jordan home." replied her aunt.
"It's okay, he wrote me a letter explaining some of the issues more clearly. It was just poor communication and some misunderstanding on both our parts. I'm sure we won't see each other again. It's not like we travel in the same social circles.
The only reason we met in the first place was because he was a friend of Mr. Keeter. And since Mr. Keeter has no intentions of ever returning to Netherfield, I doubt I shall ever see Mr. Darcy again." sighed Sarah hoping this would put an end to the discussion about Mr. Darcy.
"Well you shouldn't worry dear, the great men like Mr. Darcy are seldom at home. They're usually off visiting their friends or traveling abroad. I don't suspect we will see him at Pemberly if we do decide to go there.
I know you don't want to see him Sarah, but Pemberly has the best landscaped grounds and forests in England. It also is one of the finest manors you will ever see in all of England.
I have never been there before myself although I grew up only a few miles away. I would really like to see the grounds if you don't mind. We can check at a tavern in town to see if Mr. Darcy is at home." reasoned her aunt hoping that Sarah would say yes.
"You haven't been wrong about anything on this trip so far. All the sites we have visited have been wonderful. It might be nice to see where Mr. Sourpuss comes from." smiled Sarah when she saw the look on her aunt's face.
Pemberly
The carriage followed the well maintained road to Pemberly. The estate was quite large as it seemed to Sarah that it had taken them at least an hour and they hadn't arrived there yet.
She was about to ask her aunt how much further it would be when they rounded a bend in the road. That's when she saw it, Pemberly. She asked the driver to stop as she wanted to take a better look.
Pemberly was sitting high on a hill overlooking a small lake. The sight was overwhelming as she began to realize that all this could have been hers. It was so beautiful. Never in her life had she seen anything as beautiful.
It took her breath away. Pemberly was even more impressive than Rosings Park. She just sat there in a daze looking and wondering what her life could have been like if only she had said yes to Mr. Darcy.
She could see herself living the rest of her life here at Pemberly. Why couldn't he have been a more pleasant man? Why couldn't he have let her know that he loved her before he ran away last winter?
"What do you think Sarah?" asked her aunt. She noticed the look of awe on Sarah's face
"It's beautiful." she replied.
"Too bad we'll never know anyone who will be the mistress of Pemberly." sighed her aunt.
The housekeeper gave them a tour of the house. It was very impressive. It was almost like being in a museum. In one room there were paintings. In another room there were sculptures. In another room there were musical instruments.
They came across one room where the family portraits covering many generations of the Darcy family hung on the walls. She saw a portrait of Mr. Darcy and one whom she assumed was his sister. She also saw Mr. Turner's portrait hanging there as well.
So it was true she thought, at one time they must have been very good friends for why else would his portrait still be hanging on the wall with the members of the Harm family.
Sarah heard music coming from somewhere close. She listened carefully and soon found the room from where the music was coming from. There was a young woman sitting there at a piano forte playing so beautifully.
This was one case in which Lady Catherine was right. It was obvious this young lady had spent a great deal of time practicing. She was very good. The music was beautiful. She wished she was half as good.
Although Mr. Darcy wasn't supposed to be here, this had to be his sister Georgiana. She was as beautiful as Allison had said she was. She was going to break the hearts of many young men before she was through.
Just as she was beginning to relax she saw a tall man walk up behind the young woman. The girl jumped up and excitedly hugged the man. They both seemed quite happy to see each other. Sarah smiled at the sight.
It was very unusual to see Mr. Darcy happy. He usually looked disinterested or mad at something. Then all of a sudden he was looking at her. What had possessed him to look in her direction, she hadn't made a sound?
She froze for a moment before taking off. She ran quickly down the stairs until she was outside on a large terrace. She slowed as she heard her name being called out from behind her.
"Ms MacKenzie!"
She stopped and slowly turned around to see him standing there in front of her. He looked so handsome standing there. She didn't know what to do. She wanted to run, but run where? She couldn't out run him if he chose to follow her. So far he had chosen to do so.
Maybe it would be alright. It had been several months since they had last seen each other. Maybe he didn't hate her anymore. She had been upset at first after his proposal, but she had slowly calmed down after reading his letter of explanation.
If anything her feelings towards him had changed quite a bit. She actually liked him now. Everything had begun to make sense about their relationship after she had returned home and thought about everything that had happened between them.
When Sarah looked at his actions towards her as a man in loved everything began to make sense. She could understand now why Harriet had told her that Mr. Darcy had fallen in love with Ms Sarah. He wasn't the first man after all who couldn't resist the beauty and charm of Ms Sarah MacKenzie.
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