|Subject: Agony of Life : part one a new story
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Date Posted: 19:26:43 06/19/08 Thu
Agony of Life
Disclaimer: JAG is property of Belisarius productions, no copyright infringement intended.
spoiler: Dining out
Summary: What do you do when the most important person in your life isn’t there anymore.
Author’s note: Alternative universe where Harm and Sarah lives begin after the Admiral’s Dining Out. Takes place after the end of season nine.
Good feedback is good for the soul and my happiness.
part one Dining out
2000 hours Friday
21 May 2004
The Admiral had decided it was time to retire. He was tired of dealing with the new SecNav. He was always violating Naval policies and butting in when he wasn’t wanted.
One never knew where one stood with him. He had to deal with the Lindsey Report. Even though the SecNav had relented after his staff had answered all the charges made against his office, he knew it was only a matter of time before he was asked to retire.
He was tired of dealing with new personnel. He was tired of all the theatrics that had gone on at JAG for the last couple of years. He wanted to spend time with his daughter before it was too late.
He decided to have a formal event to celebrate his retirement, a Dining Out party. He had invited about forty or so people who he had worked closely with over the years.
The senior officers of Jag thought it was unusual though, he hadn’t asked Harm or Mac to play an active role in the ceremony. For the longest time they were the two most important people in the Admiral’s life.
They all assumed Harm and Mac must still be on the outs with the Admiral. The Admiral hated himself for letting the SecNav convince him not to do anything to help Harm during his murder trial, to rescue Mac when she was missing in Paraguay, or forcing Harm to resigned his commission to go after her.
He hated the fact that Harm had the balls to do what was right even if it meant giving up everything to do so. He also hated the fact that he neglected the number one creed demanded of all SEALs, NEVER leave a man behind.
He also hated the fact that he erred when he didn’t let Harm return to Jag after the rescue. He didn’t think Harm was a TEAM player. He though Harm was a glory hound, only interested in his own agenda.
Unfortunately when Harm was gone, he found out exactly how important Harm had become at Jag. Jag headquarters fell into total disarray with him gone. No one seemed to be able to function at their usual high level of efficiency. Morale was shot to hell, it hit an all time low.
He hated to admit that Harm had held this unit together. Harm had an unique leadership style, he had the ability to get the right people in the right places.
He had to eat crow and listen to Coates whine about bringing Harm back for months. She had droved him crazy in the process. He tried to bring Harm back on his own terms, but knew that everyone was right and he was wrong, though he would never admit it to anyone.
Dinner was uneventful. Everyone was quiet as they ate. Harm ate his meal wondering where Mac was. It wasn’t like her to be late for an event so important. Something had to be up.
He needed to talk to her. He had remember early this morning it had been five years since the day he made the promise to her, a promise he wanted to keep, to have a baby with her.
As they were serving dessert Mac finally arrived. She looked so beautiful even in her Marine blue dress uniform. She seemed very quiet Harm thought. Maybe her doctor’s appointment didn’t go as well as planned.
“Hi Mac, I was getting worried that you weren’t going to make it.” Harm greeted her with concern.
“My appointment ran late, I had a procedure done, and my doctor didn’t want me to drive anywhere, so I had to take a cab.” replied Mac.
“Are you alright?” he asked.
“I’m more uncomfortable than in pain. The doctor said the discomfort should go away in about a week.” she answered.
Harm could see how tired she was. He would make sure he took care of her. They ordered dessert and talked about what she had missed. Not much she found out. The Admiral was acting strange all night and was a bit distant.
They decided to go outside to talk. It was warmer than normal for this time of year. It was a clear night with many stars lighting up the sky. They sat down on a bench a hundred yards away from the club.
“It’s nice to see that Bud got his promotion. He’s worked really hard to earn it.” sighed Mac.
“That he did though I’m surprise that the Admiral did it.” replied Harm.
“Come on Harm, don’t be that way.” pleaded Mac.
“I can’t help it Mac. He screwed up my life too many times. He never forgave me for leaving JAG to return to flying. He held up my promotion just long enough to punish me and make me junior to you.
He wasn’t there for me when I was accused of murdering Loren. He wouldn’t let anyone see me during the time I was in the brig. I was left to rot in the brig and had a lawyer who was more concern with her obsessions than defending me.
He let you go on a mission with Webb alone which he knew was doomed to fail. Not one of Webb’s plans has ever gone as plan in eight years. Why did he think all of a sudden that one was going to work?
When you went missing he wouldn’t even let me go after you. I had to resign my commission to do so. Even though I was successful I was so angry that I took it out on you. I couldn’t tell you how I felt about you.
You asked me why I was there. I couldn’t even tell you it was because I loved you. I was so angry with him and Webb.” he moaned.
“It was the concussion Harm. You couldn’t think clearly. And I was suffering from the traumatic shock of seeing Webb tortured and then watching the missionaries being killed. I wasn’t in any shape to think rationally either.
I wanted to talk to you when we got back, but you wouldn’t return any of my calls. I wanted to apologize to you for pushing you away.” replied Mac trying to let Harm know that she understood.
“I deserved it Mac. I said some awful things to you that I should never have said. Everything was fine between us until Webb showed up and told you I resigned my commission. I shouldn’t have let him goad me like he did. I should have just kissed you and said I love you.” argued Harm.
“You love me?” she asked a little surprise. After all this time it was hard to hope that he still loved her.
“Yes Sarah, I do. I love you more than ever and I want to marry you. It’s been five years since I made the promise of having a baby together with you.” he replied smiling.
“You want to marry me and have children?” she asked in disbelief.
“Yes Sarah, I do.” he replied a little amused.
“Then I should tell you what the doctor told me today. I have to have surgery next week. I have a tumor near my reproductive organs. There’s a distinct possibility I might not be able to have any children.” she replied.
She was so scared right now. Harm had finally told her he loved her and wanted her for the rest of their lives. But had they waited too long to finally move on to this stage of their life.
“As much as I want to have children with you Sarah, I want you more. After taking care of Mattie for six months I know the child doesn’t have to be mine for me to love it. If we can’t have any of own we can adopt.
I love you Sarah Mackenzie. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are the only thing that has ever mattered to me. I’m just sorry I took you for granted and waited so long to tell you what I should have told you the first day I met you. I love you.” he replied trying to reassure her.
“I love you too Harm. And yes, I would love to become your wife.” she said in return.
Harm drew her into an embrace. They kissed lovingly at first before moving on to kissing more passionately. After ten minutes they decided it was time to go back inside to say good night to everyone.
The last one they saw was the Admiral. He was getting ready to leave also. He was surprised to see Harm and Mac so close together.
“You seem to be looking better than when you walked in Colonel.” the Admiral greeted Mac.
“I am Sir. I’m getting married.” she replied.
“Do I know him?” he asked playing this little game with her.
“Yes Sir. Harm and I are getting married.” she replied with one of her best smiles. A smiled that had been missing for the last eighteen months.
“Have you set a date?” he asked.
“As soon as there is an opening at the chapel Sir.” Harm answered. “It’s where my father and mother got married.”
“Congratulations Colonel, Commander. I hope you both will be very happy.” the Admiral offered as he shook both of their hands.
“What are you going to do in your retirement Sir?” asked Mac.
“What I should have done years ago, spend time with my daughter. It’s something I regret more and more every year. We’re going to travel the country and visit all the baseball parks. Hopefully we will end up at Fenway Park in Boston for the World Series.” smiled the Admiral.
“That sounds wonderful Sir. I wish you the best in your retirement.” replied Mac.
“Good luck Sir. I know the last year wasn’t the best year for us, but I always thought that you were the best Commanding Officer I ever had. It was an honor serving under you Sir. You will be miss.” added Harm as he shook the Admiral’s hand for the last time.
will post again soon if I get some responses
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