| Subject: The Present Moment - Repost (6/16) |
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mary48184
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Date Posted: 05:03:36 04/19/08 Sat
A/N: According to dialog in the Season 7 episode Answered Prayers, the story is set on December 23rd and 24th, 2001 (in one of the opening scenes, Admiral Chegwidden apologizes to Harm and Lt Singer for dropping Petty Officer Coates’ case on them “two days before Christmas”). However, the writers obviously adjusted the calendar to accommodate the storyline because December 23rd, the date of the scene in question, was a Sunday that year! As this next chapter coincides with the episode, I am hence making the 23rd a Monday to keep the timing consistent with the events as depicted on the show. All future chapters should reflect the accurate calendar day for the dates in question… unless I build off another episode and discover that the writers had JAG HQ scenes shown on a Sunday. =)
Chapter 6
Monday
December 23, 2001
0323 ZULU (2223 local)
Mac’s Apartment
Georgetown, Washington D.C.
Giving Chloe a pat on the shoulder as she moves back into the living room, a broad grin on her face as she bubbles giddily at her father’s voice, I turn and take a seat at the head of the table. Petty Officer 3rd Class Jennifer Coates is sitting to my left, wearing a borrowed gray sweat suit and an apologetic expression.
It’s interesting for me to see Coates as she was back in 2001, facing trial for unauthorized absence from her duty station aboard the U.S.S. Gainesville and going to somewhat creative lengths to get out of Harm’s custody. I’d nearly forgotten how she’d first come to the attention of the JAG staff all those years ago, when she’d been arrested impersonating a Salvation Army Santa Claus.
Earlier in the evening, when Harm had come to ask if Jennifer could sleep on my couch, he’d briefly explained the situation and why it was necessary for her to remain under protective supervision… including her nearly-successful attempt to get him to leave her with a ‘responsible brother’ named Hal. Of course, ‘Hal’ was revealed to be of no family relation before Harm could fall for the ruse, which was one of the reasons why he’d approached me in the first place.
Looking at Coates thoughtfully now, I’m amazed a how much of a transformation this sarcastic, defensive young woman will undergo over the next three and half years, growing self-confident and secure in her own abilities and responsibilities as an enlisted member of the United States Navy. With the right environment and encouragement, I know that she will blossom in ways that would probably seem impossible to her current self. After all, one of the last times I’d eaten at the Lucky Dream Palace was to celebrate her promotion to Petty Officer 1st Class! But all of that has yet to come, and right now she’s looking at me with the wary guilt of someone who knows they’ve put their foot in their mouth.
“Colonel, I’m… I’m sorry for what I said,” she says hesitantly, referring to a comment she’d made a few minutes ago based on mistaken impressions about Harm and myself.
“That’s all right.” I purposely try to keep my tone warm, more like that of a friend. “But if you want to talk…”
She shoots me an odd glance. “Talk about what?”
Shrugging, I wrap my hands around the mug of tea before me. “Oh, I don’t know, your future? You’re an electronics technician, right?
“How did you know that, ma’am?”
“Commander Rabb told me. And you’re pretty good at it – all fours and fives on your evals, except for conduct.”
Jennifer snorts. “Why’d he even bother to look?”
Not for the first time tonight, I’m struck by how different her attitude is when compared to that of the Jennifer Coates I’ve grown to know over the years. This Coates expects the worst from people instead of taking them at face value, but that’s to be expected given her history. Knowing for certain that in time she’ll grow out of her current pessimistic outlook, I’m comfortable in being honest with her, rather than trying to affect her future as I have with my own life.
“Because he cares,” I answer truthfully.
“He cares so much he spent the day trying to get rid of me,” she points out.
“You know, my guess is that you can be pretty annoying, Petty Officer Coates.” She certainly used to grate on the admiral’s nerves, which always kind of reminded me of someone else we both know… “And the commander doesn’t like to be a junior in that department.”
Seeing her laugh with me, I decide to shoot straight from the hip. “What are your goals, anyway?”
She shrugs. “Stay out of jail.”
“Hmn… lofty ambition.” I purposely keep the tone light as I cradle the tea mug between my palms. Based on past experience I figure she’ll talk when she’s ready. And sure enough, a few seconds later she starts to open up.
“I don’t know,” she begins. “I… I want a job that I like. Right guy, couple kids. Two out of three would be all right.”
Understanding completely, I nod. “You know what that makes you?”
“No, ma’am.”
I pause. “Just like the rest of us.”
Jennifer thinks it over for a moment. “With all due respect, ma’am, that’s easy for you to say. You’ve got a career, and I’m sure the husband and kids can’t be too far behind. I didn’t really have a choice…”
She continues on, talking about how her own enlistment was less of a conscious career move and more an effort to avoid time behind bars, but my brain has stopped actively listening. Instead, my thoughts take a massive detour back to what she’s just said: You’ve got a career, and I’m sure the husband and kids can’t be too far behind.
It’s one thing to know how Coates turns out, that despite her current situation she will ultimately land on her feet. I also know that I’m doing everything in my power to change the one circumstance about my own life that has or will have the most impact on me in the next few years. Seeking medical attention for the endometriosis before it does any permanent damage has been a step in the right direction, but…
What if it’s not enough?
Since my release from Bethesda over a month ago, I really haven’t done much about broaching the subject again with Harm. He was wonderful after my surgery, taking care of me for those first 36 hours when I was stuck at home and absolutely miserable, but since then I’ve allowed myself to fall back into the routine of comfortable friendship. It’s just so nice to be friends without all of the emotional baggage that has been piled onto our collective shoulders over the last few years. But hearing Coates talking, it occurs to me that all that baggage took place in my ‘other’ life, the future that I now have the power to change.
If you want to change your life, you need not look beyond the present moment.
Aside from possibly affecting my chances of having a baby a few years down the road, nothing has happened in the last few weeks to push Harm and I past the boundaries we’ve held onto for so many years. We’re still friends, of course, but that’s it – only friends. And I know now that, based on the events of said ‘other’ life, we both want more. We both deserve so much more.
Biting my lip thoughtfully, for the first time since my then-unexpected-but-now-definitely-welcome stone’s throw back in time, I realize that nothing will ever change unless I make the first move. But how do I go about it? What should my strategy be?
Do you need a strategy? a little voice cautions from somewhere inside my head.
Look where we ended up when we left our lives to Fate, another voice immediately answers.
“Colonel MacKenzie?”
I snap out of my errant thoughts almost instantly, realizing that I’ve been staring off into space while Coates has continued right on telling me about... oh hell, what were we discussing?
“Are you all right?” she asks, her voice uncertain as she looks at me like I’m nuts.
“Fine,” I cover, and look down into my empty mug. When did I drink it all? “Want some more tea?”
“No, I’m fine, thanks.” She glances at me with a sudden impishness. “Thinking about Commander Rabb?”
“No,” I answer a little too quickly, shooting her a questioning smile, trying to play it off even as my face heats up at the fact that I’ve been busted. It’s none of her business. But now I’m curious. “Why do you ask?”
She smiles knowingly. “The look on your face just now, when it was obvious you weren’t hearing a word I said. But you turned all dreamy-eyed at the mention of his name…”
“I did not,” I insist.
“…all three times I said it,” she grins at me.
Terrific.
“You know, it might not be a wise idea to talk about your attorney behind his back like this.” Okay, that sounds lame even to me.
“He seems like a nice enough guy,” she says, ignoring my feeble attempt to change the subject. “Why’d he have to leave so soon? You looked like you were getting cozy over here earlier. He couldn’t take his eyes off your pajamas.”
Instinctively I look down at my comfy flannel PJs, the ones with the cowboys on them that Chloe bought me for Christmas last year. Chloe! If she mentioned any of her harebrained romantic fantasies about me and Harm to Jennifer Coates—
Seeing the smug expression on Coates’ face, I’m abruptly certain that that’s exactly what happened. It’s too bad I love my ‘little sister,’ because otherwise I’d be tempted to strangle her right about now for having a big mouth.
“He had a prior commitment,” I tell her.
Jennifer’s face falls with a sigh. “I take it back. He’s not nice at all, if he’s going out with another woman when he’s so obviously in love with you.”
Now I know Chloe said something, and I can’t help but set the record straight.
“Harm’s been rebuilding his classic Corvette with the help of a friend,” I explain. “They’ve been working on it every Monday night for the last few months, and it’s almost finished. If I’ve got any competition for his affection, it’s coming entirely from a car.”
The words pop out of my mouth before it dawns on me that I’ve basically just admitted to being in love with the man… or to his having feelings for me… to his prisoner, who will be spending a lot of time with Harm over the course of the next few days and who has historically not been known for her secret-keeping skills.
Brilliant, MacKenzie.
Fortunately for me, Jennifer’s train of thought seems to have stalled on the mention of Harm’s mechanical inclinations.
“He’s restoring a car?” she asks, her interest obviously piqued. “That’s so cool.”
“Yeah, he and Sturgis work on it every chance they get.”
“Work on what?” Rejoining us at the table, Chloe drops down heavily into the chair on my right, directly across from Jennifer.
“Done talking with your dad?”
She nods. “He said hi, and wanted me to wish you a Merry Christmas.”
It’s not until I watch her unsuccessfully attempt to stifle a yawn that I realize the time. Between the emotionally charged phone call with her father and the lateness of the hour, I’m sure Chloe has got to be exhausted. Pushing back from the table, I begin clearing up all the empty tea mugs.
“Chloe, why don’t you go grab the Petty Officer some blankets and a pillow out of the linen closet?” I say over my shoulder as I carry everything back into the kitchen.
“Sure.” She rises, leaving Coates sitting alone at the table while she heads off in the direction of the bedroom.
“Is there anything I can do to help, ma’am?” Jennifer asks.
“No, thanks.” I quickly begin rinsing out the mugs by hand and dropping them into the dish drainer one-by-one. It will be faster if I just do everything myself – we’ve all got a big day ahead of us tomorrow and should probably get to bed soon.
Thinking about the holiday celebrations planned for tomorrow evening, an idea pops into my head. I’ll have to run it by Harm, of course, but I know for a fact he won’t object. I glance back at Coates, who has started playing with the end of her braid.
“Some friends of ours are having a small get-together at their home tomorrow night before the church service. You’re more than welcome to come,” I offer, giving the counter a quick wipe with a sponge.
Out of the corner of my eye, Coates shrugs and shakes her head. I get the distinct impression that she’s not really saying no, just that she’s uncomfortable. “I don’t have anything to wear that’s appropriate.”
“You can borrow something of mine. I’m sure we can find something. What size shoe do you wear?”
“Eight and a half,” she replies automatically. “But I really couldn’t—”
“Nonsense.” My voice is firm as I dry my hands on a dishtowel and leave the kitchen, passing by her on my way into the living room. “It’s Christmas Eve, and there’s no way I’m going to let you mope around here feeling sorry for yourself.”
She sighs and rises. “You’re doing enough for me as it is. I don’t want you to go to any more trouble.”
“It’s no trouble at all. Really,” I insist.
Leaning over to grab some of the loose throw pillows off of the sofa, I unconsciously begin taking a mental inventory of the clothing in my closet. Although I start off thinking about what I could possibly loan to Coates that would be appropriate for meeting the rest of the JAG staff at Bud and Harriet’s tomorrow evening, soon my thoughts take a more natural turn – what am I going to wear? Do I still have that black silk pantsuit with the red lapels? That’s what I wore the same party before, in my ‘other’ life…
Bud and Harriet’s Christmas party…
All thoughts of clothing practically fly out the window as the memory of a certain kiss with Harm underneath a sprig of mistletoe immediately comes to mind. My throat goes dry at the thought. What opportunity could be more perfect for me to heat things up a bit and, hopefully, push our relationship forward?
Thinking about that form-fitting suit with the low-cut neckline, the little voice inside my head makes one last appearance:
Fate has had her chance. Now it’s my turn.
tbc
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