|Subject: The Trip Home
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Date Posted: 14:24:45 03/27/08 Thu
Title: The Trip Home
Spoiler: Tangle Web Two
Disclaimer: The characters of JAG are the property of Donald Bellisario and Bellisarius Production, Inc. Used without permission. No copyright infringement intended. May be reproduce if unchanged, author given full credit, and no financial transaction is involved.
Summary: On the way home from Paraguay Harm and Mac think about what went wrong and how to fix it.
Good feedback is good for one’s soul and everyone’s happiness.
Part 1 Cab Ride to the airport
Mac sat in the back seat of the cab. She looked over to see Harm’s head down in resignation. Mac felt bad about what she had said to Harm before they got into the cab. It wasn’t really was her fault. He kept on second guessing everything she had done or said after he rescued her.
Everything happened so fast after he had broken down the door to the shed she was in. She hadn’t had the chance to thank him properly. She had said “I knew you would come. You always seem to be there when I need you the most.”
She had given Webb a thank you kiss before sending him off with Gunny to get medical attention. Webb had taken all the torture to prevent her from being hurt.
But dammit, she was a marine, she could take care of herself. Why did every man in her life think they had to suffer pain to be with her or to protect her? She wanted to be an equal in any relationship.
In the end they was cause her more pain. Sure they spared her from the physical pain, but they left her with the emotional pain and scarring that lasted many years longer because she could do nothing to prevent the original pain.
First she had to watch them suffering, then she had to deal with the guilt that they were suffering to protect her, then they would be annoyed with her because she couldn’t show them the proper appreciation for their efforts.
She never asked any of them to do so. Dammit, she was a marine, she could take care of herself. Why couldn’t any of them recognized this?
Of course Harm had seen her kiss Webb. But instead of understanding why she had or at least asked her why she had kissed Webb, he assumed the worse, that somehow she was now in love with Webb.
Of all the gall!
Just because he had difficulty expressing himself doesn’t mean everyone else in the world did. It also doesn’t mean that ... just because someone tells her that they love her, that she loves them too.
Why does he always assumed that when a man shows interest in her that she is interested in them? Why does he shut down emotionally instead of asking her when he doesn’t know all the facts? If it was a case he would strive to find all the answers.
Once again the most important man in her life was suffering because of her. Even though it was his fault for sticking his foot in his mouth one time too many, she was the one who had to deal with the guilt because he was suffering.
After all neither one of them had been dating anyone else since Mic and Renee left. If anything they had been spending a lot of time together until Harm got side tracked with Singer’s pregnancy. Why did he have to do it all on his own? Why couldn’t he have talked to her and let her help?
Why couldn’t they have found the time to talk about what had happened to her first before he got jealous of Webb? She had seen Gunny get shot. She thought he was dead. Then the missionaries were shot in the back of the head right in front of her.
She had to listen to the screams of Webb for four days and tend to him afterwards. And finally after taking out the tractor trailer truck with the stinger missiles they had crashed in the jungle. All this within a few days.
What she needed was to be held in his arms and comforted. Instead he became moody and moronic. She wanted him to kiss her and maybe even make love to her. He had said she was beautiful, but the any chance they had was broken when Gunny and Webb barged into their room.
Of all the people she knew, Harm knew her the best. Didn’t he remember how upset she had been when she had to kill that poacher not that many years ago. She had been stress to the limit after their crash. All she could think about was getting help and getting the hell back.
When she heard that Harm had given up the Navy to come rescue her, she couldn’t believe he would do something that reckless. She didn’t think she was worth him giving up his career for.
But when she thought about it, it might have been the first time he put her first before anything else. She had always wanted to come first in his life. He finally did. Why now did he throw everything away?
But the thing that bother her the most about the last several days was Harm’s perchance of telling her that action speaks louder than words. That he had always done things to let her know that he loved her.
But if that was so why couldn’t he see the things that she had done the last few days that showed him who she wanted to be with. If she wanted to be with Webb, she would have gone with him to the hospital and sent Gunny with Harm.
When Harm gave her the choice of spending the night with him or Webb, didn’t she choose Webb. When it came time to talk to the secretary in the nightclub or stay with Webb, didn’t she go with Harm and leave Gunny with Webb.
Didn’t she send Gunny to take Webb to the airport. Wasn’t it her plan to go with Harm to the airport and fly home with him, not Webb. When they got back to Washington they would go back to her place and ....... who knows ..... maybe.
She took another look over at Harm. He looked like he might be sleeping. His eyes were close. She sighed. How was she going to clear up the mess they were in now. He had finally shown her how much he wanted her, but now they seem to be further apart than ever before.
Part 2 Waiting for me doesn’t mean Never
Harm got into the cab and sat down in the seat next to Mac. He didn’t want to look at her. He couldn’t believe that she had said “There will never be US.” He closed his eyes for a moment before glancing at Mac. He saw her quickly look away.
She had been looking at him. He wondered what she was thinking about. He hope that she was regretting was she had said. He hope it was only in the heat of the moment. So much had happened in the last couple of days.
Maybe when they got back.
The only thing he knew for sure was he wanted her, needed her. He knew he was going to have to apologize to her for some of the comments he made. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too late. He had to make things right.
He closed his eyes.
Never! I give up my career for her. I risk my life to save her. I save the mission by destroying the missiles before we crash. Then at the first opportunity she runs, again. Isn’t that the reason everything has gone wrong in the last ten days.
She was upset that I didn’t confide with her about my suspicions about who fathered Loren’s baby. When the first opportunity arose to get out of Washington she took it. She went off on one of Webb’s hair brained schemes. She should have known it would fail.
After all everyone of Webb’s operations that he included JAG with, always failed. History repeated itself once more between us. When things get a little difficult, she runs.
It was that way two years ago when Mic broke up with her. I asked her if she was alright. I asked her if she could wait until I got back from the funeral to talk.
She said she would be okay and then she ran off at the first opportunity before I could do anything. I had to chase after her to the middle of the Indian Ocean. Then she wouldn’t even talk to me.
This time she ran to South America with Webb, I had to go to the middle of the jungle to find her. She didn’t even thank me for saving her life.
I know I keep making the same stupid mistakes. I know I keep saying all the wrong things instead of just saying those three little words that I know she wants me to say. Why I can’t I just say them to her? I don’t know why I can’t. I do love her. I have for a long time.
I did confront her about kissing Webb. She did tell me it meant nothing. That all she was doing was comforting a friend, who was suffering badly. A man who could die because he was trying to prevent her from being tortured.
She did tell him that she didn’t love Webb. He was just a friend. She did say that she wanted to be with him, not Webb. Didn’t she choose to go after the stinger missiles with him rather than go with Webb to the hospital.
Didn’t she go get a truck to help get them back to the city when he was hurt after the crash. Didn’t she decide to stay with him instead of sleeping with Webb. Didn’t she go with him to investigate the secretary about Sahdiq and not stay with Webb.
When was he going to learn to not assume the worse with her when it came to men? When was he going to start believing that she loved him and not anyone else who showed a passing interest? When was he going to stop reacting to what she said to him by trying to hurt her?
He loved her enough to give up his career and go after her. Couldn’t she see that? Didn’t that count for something? Maybe it did. Why couldn’t he admit to her that he gave up everything just to make sure she was safe.
Maybe the problem was either he said the wrong thing or he didn’t say the three little words what she needed to hear. He was going to do some serious soul searching on the way home.
He knew he had gone too far this time. When he thought back to the conversation they had. The things he said to her were unforgivable. he had pushed her away. It’s no wonder why she was mad at him.
He was going to have to make it up to her somehow. Maybe he could cook her a home cook meal when they got back home. She always liked his cooking. She probably didn’t have anything to eat at her place. She had been away for several weeks.
Later he could take her out to some place nice for dinner. He could take her somewhere special, maybe go dancing afterwards. She did love to dance. He loved dancing, especially with her. They fit so well together. It felt like they were floating when they dance.
He sighed as he looked over at her. He could see the distress on her face. He knew it was his fault. When was he going to take his head out of his six and tell her how he really felt about her. He loved her so much.
They would be getting to the airport soon. He wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t want to sit with him on the flight home. She’ll probably sit with Webb now since he had made such an ass of himself. That would leave him with Gunny.
How would he explain to Gunny why Mac was angry with him. He closed his eyes again. He reached over to where her hand was and took a hold of it. He gave it a gentle squeeze before letting her hand go. He let out a sigh.
A tear came to his eye as he thought about how he had come to Paraguay to rescue her, only to lose her once again to another man.
A tear came to Mac’s eye as she felt Harm squeeze her hand. Her heart was breaking. How could she have said Never to the man she loved. She could kick herself for saying it now. She was going to have to tell him she was wrong to say Never.
But he was going to have to change. Jealousy was not a pleasant look for Harm. It made him do and say ugly things. He was going to have to get his act together. If they could get pass this latest disagreement, maybe there would be hope for them in the future. But things had to change. She was tired of being hurt by the things he said to her in anger.
part 3 The Plane Trip Home
An hour later Harm was laying back in his seat on the plane with his eyes close. He had survive one bullet. Mac had elected to sit with him and not Webb. He guess it was her way of once again showing him, that being with Webb was not what she wanted.
Now all he had to do was survive the trip home with Mac without saying something stupid. He thought the best way to do that was to pretend he was sleeping. Somehow he would make it up to her later when they were back in Washington.
Mac looked over at Harm. She could see that he was trying to sleep. It had been a rough couple of days. With all the words that they had exchanged he probably hadn’t slept very well. She knew she hadn’t. She needed to clear the air.
“Harm!” called Mac as she shook Harm’s shoulder.
“What?” replied Harm with his eyes still close.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said never. You just made me so mad I lost it.” wailed Mac.
“It’s not your fault Mac. I’m the one who made the stupid comments. I’m the one who brought up the ancient history. I’m the one who failed to listen to what you were trying to tell me.” replied Harm as he opened his eyes. He felt some hope that their relationship could now be savaged.
“I wanted to thank you for coming after me Harm. I knew you would come, though I was surprise that you waited so long.” continued Mac.
“I would have come sooner Mac, but the Admiral wouldn’t let me. He wouldn’t even let me take leave. I was having nightmares, I knew you were in trouble, that you were going to die.
But the Admiral didn’t seem to care. He said it was a CIA mission. That the CIA would do what was necessary to get you and Webb out. But everyone I talked to said they probably wouldn’t do anything.
That’s why I had to resign my commission. You’re the most important thing in the world to me Mac. You’re more important to me than the Navy and flying. I can get another job anywhere, but there is only one you.” whispered Harm back as he held her hand. He wanted to kiss her so much right now.
“I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner, but the last week has been the worse week of my life. First Gunny was shot. I thought he was dead. Then they executed two missionaries right in front of me.” wailed Mac.
“I know Mac. Gunny and I had just gotten to the edge of the compound. We saw them shoot the missionaries. That’s why I sent him after Webb and I kept an eye on you.” replied Harm.
“You saw that? They were torturing Webb to tell them who he was and why he was there. They were going to torture me before you rescued me.
Even though there was a nice adrenaline rush flying the plane while you bombed the truck, the crash afterwards sucked all the joy out of me. The only good thing to happen this week was seeing you there when I needed you the most.
The only thing I wanted after we crashed was to get back to somewhere safe where you could just hold me so I would know everything was alright again.
I was so stress out, you know like when I had to kill the poacher with his own knife. Then you started in on Webb and how I wanted him. I never did want him, Harm. The kiss was just a way of saying thank you for keeping me safe.” sighed Mac.
“I should have known Mac. All the time you were away I knew something bad was going to happen to you. I should have known that you would have been traumatized by it all. I shouldn’t have fought with you, especially since all I wanted to do was hold you and kiss you.” replied Harm.
“The Admiral will take you back, won’t he? He knows that you did the right thing. Never leave a man behind is the creed of the Seals.” replied Mac enjoying the feel of her hand in Harm’s strong one.
She wish he would pull her into his lap and hold her tightly. She wished he would just kiss her passionately until all the pain was gone.
“I don’t know Mac. I have the feeling that it won’t be easy. The last time I screwed up was when Bud stepped on the land mine. I figure there wasn’t any way he could do anything then after I saved the battle fleet from the dirty nuke.” answered Harm.
“So that’s why you insisted that I take the JAG position on ship.” moaned Mac understanding.
“Yes, but this time it wasn’t the same. I wasn’t on a Navy mission.” replied Harm.
“But you saved my life, Webb’s life. You also destroyed the stinger missiles, you completed the mission. That’s what it’s all about. You potentially save many thousands of American lives.” wailed Mac trying to convince him that he was a hero and should get a medal.
“That may well be true, but it was a CIA mission, not a Navy one. I think I push the proverbial window a bit too far this time Mac.” sighed Harm.
“What are you going to do Harm if he doesn’t take you back?” asked Mac.
“It doesn’t matter as long as I have you in my life.” replied Harm as he leaned in for a soft kiss with Mac. “Like I told you on the porch years ago, I never want to lose you.”
Mac returned the kiss placing one arm around his neck so he couldn’t move away too soon. She wanted more. She had waited a long time for this.
A stewardess walking by smiled at the sight. She thought they made a handsome couple. They looked to be very much in love. She saw a man struggling to walk down the aisle.
“Mr. Webb, shouldn’t you be in your seat resting. Your friend told me you have been seriously ill and need to rest.”
“I need to see Sarah. She sitting with a friend a few rows up ahead. I need see her. I need to tell her something.” replied Webb.
“You mean the beautiful woman with the long dark brown hair with the tall and very sexy looking man?” asked the stewardess smiling.
“Yes! It’s very important.” replied Webb now beginning to become annoyed with her whimsical attitude. It was getting difficult for him to stay standing.
“I think she’s busy with her boy friend.” smiled the stewardess as she looked back at them.
Webb took a look in the direction she was looking. He saw them kissing. His face became red as he was about to blow a gasket.
“Damm” he said to himself. Breaking them up and having Sarah all to himself might be more difficult than he imagine. He thought he had put the final nails into the coffin known as their relationship.
First he told Mac in front of Harm “he loved her.” Then later pointing out all the stupid things Harm did to Mac. It had worked like a charm. Harm kept digging himself deeper and deeper into a hole. There was no way out he thought, but as usual somehow he seem to have found it.
“Mr. Webb, let’s get you back to your seat. You’re about ready to keel over. I’ll let her know you would like to speak to her. You can talk to Sarah later.” ordered the stewardess.
“Thank you Ma’am, I would appreciate that.” sighed Webb.
The stewardess waited until she thought Harm and Mac were finish kissing. She didn’t want to interrupt them. They made such a nice couple.
“Excused me Ma’am, is your name Sarah?”
“Yes.” replied Mac curiously.
“Mr. Webb would like to talk to you when you have time.” informed the stewardess.
“I bet he does.” moaned Harm.
“Thank you Miss, I had planned to talked to him and Gunny later.” replied Mac.
“Don’t start Harm. We’ve already cover this before. Don’t say anything you’re regret later. Let’s not spoiled the last ten minutes we’ve spent together.” ordered Mac.
“Yes Ma’am!” mocked Harm.
“You’re right. If you want to go talk to him now, I don’t mind.” moaned Harm.
“He can wait Harm. It’s a long flight back to the states. I’d like to get some rest. I didn’t sleep very well last night after our fight. I’m sure you didn’t either. I need your shoulder for a pillow.” smiled Mac.
The stewardess came by several hours later. The plane would be landing in fifteen minutes. She wanted to make sure everyone was awake and sitting upright in their seats. She was happy to see that Harm and Mac were happy together.
They had seem to be quite angry with each other when they first arrived, but she had seen them makeup. They did make such a handsome couple. Webb meanwhile never did get the opportunity to speak to Mac before he was whisked away to the nearest hospital for a two week stay to recover from his injuries.
Harm and Mac enjoyed a nice evening at Harm’s place where he cooked her one of her favorite meals before calling it an early night. Tomorrow was going to be another difficult day. They needed to see the Admiral about whether or not Harm still had a job to return to.
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