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Date Posted: 07:26:24 04/05/07 Thu
Author: Gomez Addams ]|[
Author Host/IP: host-69-144-22-143.but-mt.client.bresnan.net /
Subject: Ah, springtime!

I took my bicycle to and from work today. I love that our fair city has a trail through the swamp! All the colors and smells of springtime in the swamp just make life worth living for me. When I arrived home, I noticed the grass was almost all green, but still I took heart, for I know what follows grass... TOADSTOOLS!

I have a friend who's a mycologist, and he assured me the toadstools I've been cultivating are quite harmless, but didn't reccomend them for culinary purposes because the flavor was so subtle. "You can sautee them in garlic and butter," he said, "and they'll taste like, well, garlic and butter."

He referred to this (among other) specie as an L.B.M., which I'm told stands for "Little Brown Mushroom." He considers the word "toadstool" an ethnic slur against cap-sporing fungi.

Nothing daunted, I experimented. I sauteed them in butter (no garlic). The flavor was there, but very subtle. I fancied the problem was the butter. So, I removed that, and tried olive oil. Disaster. They tasted like olive oil. So I needed a really subtle flavor to go with them.

Then it hit me. Not a subtle flavor, a complimentary flavor! One that would bring out the glory of the toadstool, itself!

After much experimentation, I discovered the secret.

Pick the toadstools (They have to, HAVE TO be fresh! Stale, slimy toadstools are more disgusting than whatever mental image you have right now.), cut off the stems (the ones I have are too delicate to just pop them off, and the stems are too tough to eat), and wash them. Put them in a shallow bowl or saucer (depending on the amount) with some sage (I grow my own, and pluck the young leaves, wash them, and then bruise them) and add a dash (and no more than a dash!) of worchestershire sauce, and a dash of soy sauce, and stir gently so as to coat the fungi, but not bruise them.

Then make an omlette, just as you normally would, but without butter! Instead, use sesame oil (or canola oil, if you must, any light vegetable oil will do, but the flavor of sesame is best for this). I used chicken eggs, because they were handy. I imagine they're not the most ideal. Put in the toadstools, fold over the omlette, flip, &c. If you've made omlettes before, you know all that.

When you're done, sprinkle lightly with parmesan cheese, and add a sprig of sage for garnish.

I love it! It doesn't make a meal, it's definitely a side-dish, but what a side dish! Anemia doesn't like fungi of any sort, but Calpurnia likes them.

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