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Date Posted: 10:35:49 03/26/03 Wed
Author: O-Bug
Author Host/IP: fw-line-208.fwi.com / 209.84.172.213
Subject: Re: My Life as a Cold Op Reposted due to board burp
In reply to: Tammy 's message, "Hi Bug" on 16:43:04 03/25/03 Tue

Not sure what happened to the rest of the message, but here 'tis again in its entirety:

Tammy~

The suggestion I have is a simple one to employ to your own writing if you choose to do so. Limiting the use of passive verbs like it was, have known, have had, would be, can do etc., go far in breathing life into your work. Please understand that I’m not saying you can’t use these words to get a point across because there are times when these words work very well. But they work best when used judiciously.

I have known since Greg Hillinger was put to work with Birkoff that there was going to be friction.

Better: Ever since Greg was put to work with Birkoff, there’s been friction.

However, the sentence following is better yet: Where Birkoff’s genius is quiet, Hillinger’s is arrogant. because it’s a perfect set up for the friction statement. It allows you to be even more creative if you choose. For example:

Birkoff’s genius is quiet, while Hillenger’s is arrogant. The friction between them is enough to cause a conflagration.

One other suggestion is to stick with just one name for each character. If Greg Hillenger is “Hillenger” in Nikita’s mind, he should be “Hillenger” all the way through. I realize this isn’t a big a problem here in fan fiction land because we all know who Greg Hillenger is whether he’s called Greg or Hillenger. But if you stick with just one name, it makes for a more consistent piece of work.

HTH and keep on writing, Tammy.

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