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Date Posted: 16:11:32 04/07/03 Mon
Author: Tammy
Author Host/IP: NoHost / 64.8.211.241
Subject: My Life as a Cold Op - 111
In reply to: Tammy 's message, "My Life as a Cold Op" on 14:59:48 03/20/03 Thu

Michael and I are playing with fire. Sooner or later Operations and/or Madeline are going to find out about us, if they haven’t already, and it isn’t going to be pretty. They laid down the law with the directive. They don’t want us together. Period.

In spite of that, maybe because of it, Michael has really gotten creative in finding ways for us to be together. And now we have dragged Walter into our affair. It really scares me to think what will happen to Walter if we are found out. I didn’t want to drag him into this, but we needed his help. And he had offered. Still I should have said no. I should have found a way to keep him out of it; to keep him safe. But I didn’t.

Now that I have had a taste, I simply can’t stay away from Michael. And I think the same is true for him. He is a force like no other I have ever met. The more time I spend with him, the more time I need with him. It is as if he is becoming an integral part of me. I am addicted to him. I can’t get enough of him. The way he smells, the way he walks, the way he talks. You simply can’t imagine what it is like. We were sitting in a briefing the other day and Michael was discussing his reconnaissance mission with Operations and I started squirming in my chair just listening to his voice. And he knew it too. When he stopped talking, he looked at me and he smiled a small knowing smile. I could feel my face redden. Thank God no one else noticed. It is like a constant kind of slow torture. When we are apart, all I can think of is the next time we will be together and the last time we were together. And then when we do manage to steal a few minutes together at the end of a mission or something, it goes by so quickly I hardly dare breathe. I want to remember every exact detail. Michael is so contradictory. He is Section’s cold-blooded assassin one minute and my sweet lover the next. He can torture a man to death and then touch me as if I were spun gold. I suppose he must think of me the same way. We are what we have to be in order to survive. Yet amazingly his soul seems to have survived and when we are together it seems to soar.

I don’t want to think about it all ending. I can’t think about it. And yet, I know they will find out eventually. They have to. They’ll probably cancel us. They’ll definitely cancel me. Maybe not Michael. It won’t matter though. If I die, they may as well cancel Michael. I don’t think he can pick up the pieces again. He is strong, but everyone has their breaking point. I hope Madeline realizes he will have reached his. And Walter, what will they do to him? My biggest point of panic is for Walter. He should never have become part of what Michael and I are doing. We should have found a way to keep him out of it. But we didn’t.

And then there is Mick. Ah Mick. When he shows up at my door looking for a favor, all my worries seem silly. He can be so ridiculous. This week he had his drawers in a bind because his mother was planning to visit him. Seems he told her he was an oral surgeon. Where he came up with that one, I can’t imagine. Of all the jobs to pick, an oral surgeon? But that’s not all. No, he is an oral surgeon married to, you guessed it, a gorgeous leggy blue eyes blond chippy. That of course, would be me. The way he said it, you would have thought it was a compliment. He talked me into playing the part for one night. At least meeting Mick’s mom gave me something other than my problems to think about. Can you even imagine Mick having a mum? (That’s what he calls her.)

I left Mick and went in to work. I ran into Michael in the hallway. It took a real effort not to touch him as I passed him. Our conversation was short. “I hear it went well in Monrovia.” He told me he had gotten what Section wanted. “Congratulations.” I kept on walking. No need for Operations and Madeline to think we are too close.

Since Michael had gotten Section what they needed, I knew we would be going back in real soon. I was right. The man Michael had found, Gunter Terik, provided us with the location of Crimson Storm’s primary base camp. They are a paramilitary liberation cell, but their kamikaze behaviour certainly makes them unpredictable. They prefer bold, public displays. We were going after detonation chips. I was being put in charge of retrieval.

Davenport showed up on the team at the last minute. He said that Snow had been taken off the mission by Operations. No reason given. Perhaps I was just being paranoid, but it sure looked to me like Davenport was put on the team to keep an eye on Michael and me. I really hoped I was paranoid. I knew I wasn’t.

We arrived on scene. I moved to first mark. Michael cleared me to move to second mark. I dropped from the ceiling taking out a few hostiles. The entry code I had didn’t work. I informed Birkoff. He managed to circumvent their code. The drawer opened and I extracted the detonation chips. Operations called for us to evacuate and eliminate. I shot off a couple of rounds and then told Birkoff I was surrounded and needed immediate egress. Birkoff informed Michael. As per the instructions on the panel Walter had given me, I got out of there and moved to my next mark. Michael did his part. He arrived to find me gone. He reported that I was taken. Then as the rest of the team was told to return to Section, Michael and Davenport, their little spy (no pun intended) went looking for me. Michael got permission to go dark since Crimson Storm had satellite tracking capabilities. He managed to lose Davenport and met up with me on a boat at the docks.

We only had one hour. We made the most of our time together.

Of course we had to go back and Section had to believe I had been taken by Crimson Storm. We showed back up at Section with me looking like I had been put through the wringer. Operations was none too pleased. He wanted answers. Michael told him I had been drugged. He said he arrived before I was interrogated. He said there had been three of them. Birkoff was tracing the location. I really wasn’t all that sure Operations bought it.

I felt even worse when Birkoff came to visit me in medlab. That was, I felt guilty until he asked me for my panel. I told him I usually gave it to Walter directly. He said Madeline requested he retrieve it personally. I asked him what she was looking for. He didn’t answer me. Walter arrived as Birkoff was leaving. I told Walter. He said he hadn’t had a chance to sanitize it yet. I knew that. We both knew Birkoff was going to find our hidden communiqués. Walter said he would take care of it. I knew we shouldn’t have involved him.

I saw Michael after I got out of Medlab. He said he had talked to Walter. He said we weren’t going to do anything. He had already talked to Operations and told him he had detected a secondary layer, another base camp. He told him he wanted to take a small recon team into the field to make sure. He had recommended two other operatives and myself. Operations was still thinking about it. I could see Michael was thinking three steps ahead of me. I had to hope he was thinking ahead of Madeline. He told me to deny everything if I was asked.

Walter let me know that he wasn’t able to stop Birkoff from giving Madeline the information she wanted. At least Birkoff wasn’t going to be caught with his hand in the cookie jar. That was something, right? I walked around Section just waiting for the next shoe to drop. Walter was called in to talk to Madeline. I didn’t see him after that.

By the time I found Michael I was frantic. Michael said that Walter had taken some downtime. Birkoff was troubleshooting in data. Michael could see I was panicking. He told me to go home. I was supposed to be on downtime too. Michael said he would try to find out what was going on.

Mick was waiting for me when I got home. I don’t know if that was a good thing or not. Of course, listening to Mick took my full attention. Still, I couldn’t keep all his lies straight. He really sounded worried that his mum might find out he wasn’t a successfully married dental surgeon. Here Mick was worrying about a visit with his mother that wasn’t until the next day and all I could think about was that I might be cancelled before the woman ever arrived. I finally had to tell Mick that I didn’t fit into Section and I was worried that they finally might have realized it too.

Michael’s request for field recon was approved. Operations was just sending the two of us. No one had to tell us Operations was setting us up. Though if we had been asleep, the worried look on Walter’s face when he handed me my panel would have woke me up real fast. No one was saying anything, but we both knew something was up. Michael didn’t look worried though. That gave me comfort. Michael is nothing if not always prepared for every contingency.

Michael reported in that he was detecting a kappa signal and had to disconnect. Birkoff didn’t like it, but Operations approved it. We were taken off the board. We met up at a barn Michael had found. I wish you could have seen the faces on just about everyone in Section when Michael and I came walking in towing Vilas Navaro and his kappa transmitter with us. It was perfect. Really it was. I know they thought they had us this time. I don’t know how exactly Michael pulled it off, but he did it. He really did it.

I made it home in time to meet Mick and his mom. Unfortunately, she didn’t show up. She called at the last minute to tell Mick that she had run into someone at the airport and was going to be spending time with him instead of Mick. I tried to talk him into staying for dinner. He declined but thanked me for agreeing to do this for him. I really felt bad for old Mick. He can be a pest, I know. But he really isn’t so bad and he certainly didn’t deserve this.

When I saw Michael in Section the next day I walked right past him without so much as a glance in his direction. It was hard, but I did it. Operations and Madeline must be going crazy wondering what is going up with us. We both know they view us as a possible threat to their rein. I don’t know what we can do to make them see that we just want to be together, that’s all. We are not a threat to them. Of course I am not stupid enough not to realize that we could be a very real threat to them. They aren’t going to let this go. They won’t. They can’t. Where does that leave Michael and I?

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