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Date Posted: 10:36:30 04/22/03 Tue
Author: Tammy
Author Host/IP: NoHost / 64.8.211.241
Subject: My Life as a Cold Op - 114 (S4 Begins)
In reply to: Tammy 's message, "My Life as a Cold Op" on 14:59:48 03/20/03 Thu

Michael isn’t giving up on me. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Part of me wishes he would just give up. This is the way I am now. There isn’t anything he can do about it. I like the way I am now. It’s so much easier to have Madeline’s and Operations’ approval. There is such a feeling of satisfaction from doing the job that is profiled and coming back to their praise. At the same time, on Easter morning, I found a chocolate Easter bunny hanging from my door. I knew it had to be from Michael. He left me one last year too. And even though my head was telling me to just toss it out, my memory of how incredible that chocolate tasted last year lingered in the back of my mind. I didn’t want Madeline, or Michael for that matter, to know the bunny struck a chord, so I snuck into the stairwell, where I knew there was no surveillance equipment, and ate half the thing before my head hurt so badly that I had to run into my apartment and throw it back up. The pleasure of chocolate had been taken from me as well. It bothered me until I had a chance to boot up my laptop and engage the calming program that Madeline installed for me. I feel much better now. I know I am better off now. Feelings only get in the way of doing the job.

Madeline wants me to pretend that I haven’t changed. She says I should continue to be friendly to Walter and Birkoff. I should engage them in light banter as if we were still the best of buddies. And her attitude about Michael is odd too. At first, she wanted me to put as much distance between us as I could manage. Now, she wants me to pretend everything is the way it was before. She wants me to be friendly, but not too friendly, comforting but not too comforting and flirtaceous but not sleep with him. I think it would just be a lot easier on everyone if I could just let them all see that I have changed and it is all for the better. But I am sure Madeline must have a good reason for my continuing this deception. When she is ready, I am sure she will let me know what that reason is. In the meantime, you wouldn’t believe the lengths Michael has been going to in order to “save” me.

Where to start? Maybe I should begin with the day last week when he asked me to spar with him. Personally, I think he just wanted an excuse to talk to me. Fine. Whatever. Madeline told me to be friendly. It was an opportunity to show him how much my hand to hand skills have improved of late. To his credit, he did manage to knock me on my keister. He told me I had committed too soon. When I asked why he had said that and he started to tell me, I kicked him in the head. I apologized and asked if he had thought we were on a break. It felt good to get one in when he was unprepared. Then we had some sort of conversation within a conversation. He said something about my changing my style. I told him I had improved my technique. “Only your moves.” What was he trying to say? “What else is there?” I asked. He knocked me to the floor saying, “Comes from inside.” I think he was trying to get me to think. He dropped me again, then asked if I was alright. I flipped him on his back. I leaned down and whispered in his ear, “They’re watching us.” I know he enjoyed having my body spread out across his. I could feel it in the way he tensed and his eyes darkened. “I know.” Well, at least one of us enjoyed it. That was all the “friendly” I could stand for one day, so I went home.

I was going through a second workout in the privacy of my apartment when I suppose Michael decided he couldn’t live without my smiling face and called, “Josephine”. No sooner had I dropped the phone than I realized I was not alone. I grabbed my gun and turned on my intruderm, pinning him between my legs. Mick. “What are you doing here?” “I think I just soiled a new pair of skivvies.” I repeated myself. Apparently, he must be hard of hearing. He gave some excuse about borrowing sugar. I didn’t buy it. Of course the more important question was how did he get in my apartment in the first place? He claimed I had given him a key to water plants. I don’t remember that, but I suppose it is possible. Some days I will give him just about anything to get rid of him. I told him to get whatever he came for and get out. Madeline said nothing about being nice to him.

I arrived on time for the briefing. One of our remote cells in Latvia was targeted by nationalists. The team was wiped out except for one woman, a level four operative. She was being held hostage. She had been at a high level briefing before being captured. She had to be retrieved before she broke under interrogation. I made my way into the building where she was being held. Michael was running the mission from the van. Good. It makes it easier to go alone. I found the captured operative. She was restrained in a glass cell. I tried to shoot through the glass. It didn’t work. I told Operations that she claimed to have not broken yet. He wanted my recommendation. I gave it. Incineration would give us 100% containment. He approved my recommendation and gave me a 30-second clock. Michael wanted me to hold. He wanted to work out a contingency plan. I pasted the explosive on the glass and told Michael we had 30 seconds. He didn’t like that answer. He was yelling about children being on the premises. “I heard you Michael. 25 seconds.” I started my egress. I heard the fire alarm sound. Michael must have set off the alarm. It went through my head how funny it was that our positions on innocents had so drastically reversed recently. The building exploded in back of me. I managed to avoid Michael when we got back to Section, but not for long.

He caught up to me on the street that night. He wanted answers. He had a device that cut surveillance. He wanted to know why I allowed 16 people to die in the explosion. I told him Madeline and Operations were watching me. I had to do it. I told him I knew he would activate the alarm. I claimed I placed the charge where it would do minimal damage. I told him I had no choice. I stayed pretty close to the truth. I said that they had tried to reprogram me. I said I had to let them think they had succeeded. He closed the space between us. I resisted the urge to step back from him. I gave him a quick synapsis of what had happened to me at the end of the Genefex mission. I told him they had failed but I didn’t want them to know it. He wanted to know why I hadn’t let him help me. I said there was too much surveillance. Then I kissed him. My head throbbed horribly, but it seemed like the best way to distract him and keep him believing his old love was still intact. I asked him to believe me and then got away from him as fast as I could.

I was called into Operations’ office the next morning. He said he was happy with my clarity in the mission the day before. Madeline wanted to know how it felt to be back in Section. I told her I was ready. She wanted to know how my interaction with others was going. I told her the truth. They wanted more from me than I was willing to give them. They wanted an emotional component, especially Michael. Madeline said that while it was unnecessary for us, they needed it. I suggested I could smile more. Madeline told me to start with Walter.

I found him in munitions. I tried to make small talk. I apologized for ignoring him lately. I told him that I had been out for a while and I was being watched pretty closely. He said he thought I was going too far out of my way to please them. He too had a problem with my bombing half an embassy. I told him I agreed; it had been horrible. He hugged me. Again my head started throbbing. I cut the small talk short and ran for my medication.

We got a positive on the group responsible for the kidnapping. When I picked up my weapons from Walter, I made some small talk again. Did I ever really enjoy that? We arrived at the scene and a shootout started. I could have had the guy but Michael ordered me to hold. He told me to wait for instructions. The target took off down the street and into a building. Michael took off after him. I thought it odd that he wouldn’t let me take him out. I followed Michael. I saw him knock out the target and toss him into a closet. What was he up to? I continued to follow Michael.

He met up with an older gentlemen. They talked for a few minutes. I sent a scan of the man back to Operations. He told me to take him out. I did. I wonder if Michael got what he wanted from him before he died. Doesn’t matter. Not my problem.

Michael showed back up with target in tow. Did he really think he was going to get away with this little trick?

I told Madeline what I had seen. I told her I thought he was trying to find out what had been done to me. She wanted to know if he was making progress. I told her I thought he might be. She wanted to know why he was doing it. “Because he loves me.” Madeline agreed.

They managed to convince Oversight that Michael had gone too far. I wasn’t on the team sent to take him out. Davenport led the team to Michael’s office. Michael was one step ahead of them as usual. Davenport’s men shot a hologram of Michael working all to hell. Michael was nowhere to be found.

I don’t think he is going to give up trying to reach me. I wish he would. It would be better for everyone. If he keeps it up, I may have to kill him. Just thinking about it is giving me another headache.

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