Author:
Daphne (mortified)
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Date Posted: Mon, Aug 26 2013, 04:35pm
Right so here goes.
My name is Daphne, and about 5 years ago, I was a bridesmaid at my best friend's wedding. I am sort of the biggest girl of the bunch, and as usually is the case at these sort of events, there is always one fat bridesmaid who looks somewhat ridiculous in the bridal get-up, since the dresses are almost always chosen to flatter the other skinnier bridesmaids. I won't tell you exactly how much I weigh, but rest assured that it's well past 200 lbs. I ended up having to shove my fat ass into this burgundy strapless gown that cost hundreds of dollars, and fit me terribly - I thought my ladies were going to spill out if I bent at the waist even slightly.
Anyhow, the bridal party all live at different parts of the country, and so we weren't able to have a traditional bachelorette party before the wedding happened. So one fellow bridesmaid and (former) friend of ours, Danielle, decided that it would be a fun idea to have a little impromptu bachelorette party right during the wedding reception, since all us girls would all be there, of course.
Not sure why everyone thought this was a good idea - probably they just thought it would be funny and make the event memorable. I mean, the bride wasn't exactly a bachelorette anymore, of course, but we didn't really care. We just wanted to get a little drunk, and embarrass the bride a little bit as we gave her a bunch of silly sex toys, lube, etc.
So yeah, that's basically what happened. Reception starts, everyone having a good time. The hour draws near, and we hijack the bride and drag her into a small room (we had rented a reception/convention hall in a hotel, and they had a few side rooms off the main reception area). We girls did the usual bachelorette party thing - gave the bride a bunch of naughty toys, edible underwear, tiny uncomfortable looking thongs etc. Finally, we gave her a pair of pink fuzzy handcuffs.
So bitchy Danielle thought it was a scream to put the fuzzy handcuffs on me. Danielle is a tiny little thing, and I could easily have stopped her, but I'm in the spirit of the thing (and more than a little bit drunk), so I let her cuff my hands behind my back. Everyone laughs and giggles, and raunchy jokes abound.
We are laughing so hard, and having a good time. At this point, Danielle (who I am convinced hates me) pulls down my dress top, as a joke. Now like I said, I am something of a fat chick. Like a lot of fat chicks, my boobs are very large, and not exactly perky. In fact, they are definitely the direct opposite of perky. And this dress is strapless, and is the kind that has the bra specially built into the dress itself, so when my top got pulled down, my ladies kind of went down with it. The dress keeps on falling, but catches at my big belly, thank goodness, and I grab it behind my back before it can fall completely to the floor.
So at this point everyone is laughing like they are going to die - everyone except for me of course. As you can well imagine, I don't particularly like standing there with my tits out - even if the audience is only girls, so I get pissed and demand that Danielle hand over the key. Laughing Danielle makes a big show of trying to find the key, and then pretends to be upset that she can't find it.
Now a lot of you are probably thinking the obvious - handcuffs designed for sex play many times don't actually HAVE a key. Instead they have a little catch that you simply press to release the cuffs, so no embarrassing accidents like this one can occur. The problem is that I am not really a frequent patron of sex toys like that one, and I don't realize that I could have freed myself at any point. All I knew was that I was trapped topless in a room with a bunch of laughing bitches that weren't helping me. I had one of those "fight or flight" moments that you always hear about, and my panicky mind chose the latter option - flight.
The door of the little side room we were in didn't have a handle or anything - it had one of those long bars where you just press on it and the door opens. So I just kind of barged into it with my belly and boobs, and stumbled into the hall. So as you probably recall, I do not have a firm, perky sort of body, so as I was awkwardly trying to run away, my huge chest was kind of bobbling and swinging all over the place. Thinking back, I am kind of lucky I didn't give myself a black eye, what with all the movement I put them through. Unfortunately I was not quite so lucky in that a bunch of wedding guests decided to come out and see what all the commotion was - and were treated to a free show by yours truly.
What happened after was somewhat chaotic, involving me screaming, and a bunch of stunned laughter. At some point, a kind soul was able to help me out of the damned fuzzy handcuffs, and I was able to scoop my ladies back into their proper harness. I never really did live down that moment from then on, and even five years later, tales of my topless wedding show is still told. I even earned a somewhat less than flattering nickname from the event. Mostly people call this nickname behind my back when they don't think I know or can hear - although sometimes it slips out in unguarded (or drunken) moments.
The nickname I earned that night? It's "Floppy"
--Daphne
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