It might have been a dream or something, or it could have been the demanding beams of sunlight pouring in through my bedroom window, that woke me up today...but if I had a guess, I'd say it was the fact that I was trembling with infatuated tremors before I could even open my eyes.
Thoughts of me and Deme getting together to ride out to the park...just the two of us...I don't know, it had me dizzy with the promise behind its seemingly innocent opportunity. I don't know what I expected to happen today, if anything at all. It's not like I was hoping for this afternoon to end in an hour long ORGY or anything.
Then again...wow. Heh...I would REALLY get down on my knees and thank God almighty if today ended with a four hour orgy. Just saying.
Still, just the idea that I was just a shower and a short bike ride away from being close to the dreamiest boy that I have ever laid my puppy dog eyes on was enough to make me curl up in a ball and smile maniacally to myself, hugging my pillow in a crushing embrace. Geez, what am I ever going to say to him? I should have spent last night thinking up things for us to talk about. I mean, Deme can be really easy to talk to when it's just for a short while or whatever, but this is us alone in the park. Just us. And Deme's a lot more comfortable with me now that we've spent some time hanging out with one another. He smiles more. He looks me right in the eye, depriving me of my many opportunities to sexually molest him with my eyes when he couldn't catch me. And his hugs! Oh God, Deme's hugs are so firm, and yet so soft. And he smells good. And his skin is so smooth that it gives you goosebumps every time it dares to touch an unclothed part of you.
Can you imagine what it would be like to hold him naked? Like...all of that smooth skin against you at once?
Ok! That's it! I'm jacking off! RIGHT now! Time to head to the shower!
Yeah...I definitely needed that. Whew...that was a bit too much for me. I was liable to drill a hole right through my own mattress if I kept thinking about Deme and me having any kind of intimate contact at all. I am SO nutty over that boy! I mean, is this even natural? What the hell do I do with this feeling now? Does it ever go away? Or...at least calm down, or something? This is crazy?
Luckily, my hair wasn't working against me this morning while I combed it in front of the bathroom mirror. Just my luck, Sarah came knocking on the door shortly after I got in there. "Hurry up, Shane! C'mon!"
"What the hell, Sarah? I JUST came in here like two minutes ago. Chill out." I called back, taking my last few seconds of peace to double and triple check that I was looking my best for my...date? Whatever.
"Oh, for the love of..." Angrily, I snatched the door open and glared at Sarah, who was standing there in her bathrobe with a towel, two brushes, and some other weird 'girl' stuff that didn't care to take the time to figure out. "What is the EMRGENCY? Jesus!"
"Mooooooove! I've gotta fix my face." She said, pushing her way past me.
"Fix your face? Wow, that IS an emergency! Talk all the time you need." I said, and slammed the door shut before she had a chance to yell at me or call for Mom's assistance. When it comes to my baby sister, I take my cheap shots when and where I can get them. But the last thing I needed this morning was having Mom and Sarah forge a female bond against me and making me the bad guy around here. I could do without the added frustration. I needed to keep my head in the game here.
I dressed up a little, but in a way that didn't make it look like I was trying to impress him or anything. Friendship first, right? Get in close. Then start looking for little hints and signals to see if maybe I can gradually persuade him to get closer. Then closer. Then NAKED! Arrrghhhh, I'm going to have to jack off a second time if I keep thinking like this. Even though...the idea of him on all fours with that sexy ass pointed directly at me while he looked back and smiled over his shoulder...wiggling slightly as he waited for me to slide right in. Shit...I'm hard again...
My mom and Sarah entered the kitchen shortly after, and I quickly forced myself to turn around and press my erection up against the sink...turning the water on so I could pretend that I was doing the dishes. Ugh! Humiliating!
"Didn't you say you were going out today, hon?" My mom asked, bringing her coffee cup over to the sink to wash it herself.
"I'll do it!" I blurted it out, and grabbed the cup, nearly snatching her finger off with it still curled around the handle. My mom gave me the weirdest look, but I deflected it by saying, "Yeah. I'm going to the park in a few. I've just gotta call him up so we can meet up"
"With Deme???" Sarah said excitedly, her eyes just as wide as her eager smile.
"I didn't say that, Sarah. Why don't you go have a fake tea party with your friends? Go chase a One Direction tour bus or something." I said.
She's like, "I know you're going to see Deme! I know you are." Then she asks, "Where are you guys going?"
"That's classified, runt. And I swear to God if I see you, Stephanie, or any of your friends popping up within a MILE of us, I'm beaning you in the forehead with every hard rock I can get my hands on!"
My mother stepped in and said, "Shane, be nice to your sister."
"C'mon, Mom! You know how Sarah and her friends are. They're going to buzz around him and make pests of themselves until Deme reaches the point where he doesn't want to hang out anymore."
Sarah whined, "It's not our fault. Awww, Mom, you've seen him! Deme is sooooo CUTE!"
For a moment, I thought that complete lack of verbal self control would have helped to prove my point. But when I turned to my mom, I saw her secretly nodding her head with a smile, looking at Sarah and mouthing words, "I KNOW, right?"
"Great. Here we go. And the female alliance begins..." I grunted.
My mom cleared her throat and said, "Shane...there is NO alliance, ok? Just...he's a very handsome boy. People take notice. Dimitry is going to attract a whole swarm of girls once he starts going to school with you next week. But it's a good thing. I'm willing to bet that you start getting a few girlfriends yourself once you two start charming those hopeless school girls with your stunning good looks."
Absentmindedly, I mumbled, "I'm willing to take that bet. Not gonna happen."
"Why can't I go see him too?" Sarah asked.
"Because he's NOT your friend, Sarah! How about that?"
"You're mean!" She said.
My mom told us, "Can you both just pretend to get along for a little bit? Please? Mommy's got a headache." She walked out of the kitchen and didn't say anything more.
But I made sure to lean into Sarah's ear and whisper, "You know...Zane is never coming back to One Direction, right? Never!"
Geez! She's such a BABY!
I made sure to leave the room before I got myself into any more trouble. Hehehe, let her squirm over it. She'll be fine.
So I got my stuff and got my bike out of the garage. I even took an extra moment of two to wipe the dust off of it with a wet rag. It wasn't all that dusty to begin with, but a slight polish can only make me look better in front of Deme, right? So it's totally worth it.
When I called him up, he picked up right after the first ring! Like...I could hear the joy in his voice! I've never been so flattered. "Shane! Hello! I had been waiting for you to call! We are still going to the park, yes?"
"Definitely! Should I just come over to your house now or...?"
"Yes! Come over now. I am just done taking a shower, so I will be ready." He said, embedding images of that unspeakably hot body covered in warm water and slippery soap suds. I am going to rub myself RAW if he doesn't stop being so sensual when he talks to me. "Ten minutes?" He asked.
"Ummm...sure. Well, maybe a bit longer. It depends on if I..."
"Ok. I will be waiting. It will be very fun to see you, Shane. I'll be ready to go, ok?"
What else could I say? "Ok. I'll, hehehe...I'll be there. I'm leaving now." And then I hung up, giddy over the idea that he was so eager to connect with me again in person. So...I'm really doing this. I'm going after the boy I want more than anything. I'm taking that leap of faith and hoping for the best. Hoping that my gut instincts are finally leading me in the right direction.
I was nervous. I was scared. And yet, I was determined to see just how far this little play date of ours could take us before escalating things to the next level. I hope that I wasn't being a creep or anything. There's a part of me that wondered whether or not I was hanging out with Deme simply because I was attracted to him and wanted to make him my imaginary boyfriend. But...at the end of the day...who knows, right? People go after the things they want most. It's not like I'm dismissing everything else about Deme that I find cool and funny and exciting just for the random chance that I might get to smash my face into the middle of that sweet succulent ass and lick him until he screams for me stop!
Yikes...where did THAT come from???
But I just...I wanted to be a part of his life. The way that he was a part of mine. Something inside told me that if we could just share that one common feeling, if we could somehow give each other a satisfactory taste of the very thing that we've been longing for the most...then life would be a piece of cake from then on. That seemed like a totally rational conclusion for me to come to at this point. I felt confident in having a plan of 'attack' and sure about his possible response once I unleashed my full charming potential upon him. It'll work. It'll be awesome and we'll both end up happy once we admit to really liking each other as more than just friends. I mean, deme's gay, right? He's...he's gotta be gay. Or...at least a little bit curious? I don't know. I hadn't worked that part out in my head yet. I just needed to be near him. I needed to inhale his scent and see the delicate sparkle in his almond brown eyes. I needed to look at his skin and marvel at how unnaturally beautiful he was. Just for a while.
It's hard to distinguish what I was hoping to see today and what I was hoping for in the future, but...the fact of the matter is...I was already addicted. Deme had pulled me into his magnetic allure long before I realized that I was infatuated with him beyond the point of no return. But it wasn't the helpless craving that really took a hold of me. It was the fact that I didn't regret or resent a single moment of being sucked into it, even when I KNEW that I was being lured into a emotional trap that I may never be able to escape from, that really made me stand up and take notice.
I am so lost right now.
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