My legs were strong, but my knees were weak.
My feet were steady, but my ankles were loose and clumsy.
I was standing on solid ground, sure enough...but my head was so far in the clouds that the weightlessness made it difficult to walk at all...not knowing if I was suddenly going to fall, face first, into the dirt...or float away into the blue skies above. It took a few odd looks from other cast members and set workers to realize that I was grinning from ear to ear like some sort of child cannibal fresh off of a late afternoon meal.
He loves me. Greyson loves me. I heard him say it. And the best part is...while this may seem like it's the 'goal' that I had been trying to reach, the success that I had been hoping to achieve from day one...this was far from being the end of this mind-blowing journey towards having my very first boyfriend.
If anything...it felt like this was only the beginning! And that left me wondering where things were going to go from here. I mean, what's next, you know? Would I be insane if I said that I wanted to keep my Greyson close to my heart forever and always? That I could see myself kissing and snuggling and sharing one hearty laugh after another with him for the rest of our days on this Earth? Hehehe, I don't know! Any other time, something like that, so quickly and easily attained, would have sounded absurd to me. But hearing those words...even over the phone..."I love you, Evan"...It makes anything and everything seem possible. Being away from him now seemed like such a pointless waste of time. Am I being weird about that? I don't feel weird. Anxious is what I feel. Anxious, and excited, and...and PROUD! Hehehe! I'm Greyson Chance's first boyfriend. His FIRST! Nobody is ever going to be able to take that title away from me. No one else can ever make the same claim without being a total liar. And once I'm done here today...once I leave this set...I'm going to go to that boy's hotel room and tangle myself up in his arms and legs, aggressively tongue kissing him until neither one of us can BEAR to keep our clothes on anymore!
Hehehe...I can practically see Greyson's blush now in my mind from all the naughty images I had flashing behind my eyes. I need to get out of here. I need to be near him again. I don't care what I have to do, I just want to see my boyfriend. It's like there's this gigantic, super thick, rubber band wrapped around our waists right now...and the more 'life' and its many mundane tasks tries to pull us apart, the stronger the pressure gets to snap us back together again. I can feel that stretch. I can feel it. And it sucks!
Fuck! It sucks so BAD!
The moment that I stepped one foot on set, I had two guys and a girl pouncing on me with make up brushes, small bags of dirt to smudge on my face and clothes, and a spray bottle full of simulated sweat. Sometimes they don't really give you much warning. You just get used to spreading your arms out, tilting your head back so your chin is raised, and surrendering to the moment while they do their best to fix everything that's wrong with you. Even if you didn't think there was much wrong with you in the first place.
A few spritzes here, a couple of well placed smudges there, and I was back in my zombie apocalypse mode. At least for the next scene, anyway.
My mom was off to the side somewhere, reading one of her mystery novels to pass the time. I'm sure she gets bored hanging around the set all day without having anything to do, but the studios kind of require her to be there. I guess so they can legally say that I have a guardian within arms reach, just in case I'm secretly having cocaine parties off camera while we're filming. Of course, with everything that Chandler and Asa have been getting up to when they weren't on the clock...I think a cocaine binge would seem a bit tame in comparison.
I looked down into the dirt to see where my marks were, and where Asa's and Chandler's would be in this next scene. It looked like they had changed them a bit from what I remembered. Nothing out of the ordinary. They change stuff all the time at the last minute. A thick cloud could pass overhead and ruin the lighting scheme for the whole shoot. There's no planning ahead for that. But I found it a little bit odd that Asa was pulling his shirt off, and one of his groomers was neatly wrapping it around his head. When I took a closer look, I noticed that Chandler had his shirt off too. He was leaning up against a nearby trailer, a flirty grin on his face as he quietly leaned in to talk to Mingus a bit more. I think Mingus was a bit uncomfortable though. Curious, perhaps...but uncomfortable with admitting that just yet.
"Evan, need to talk to you for a second, bro." Said someone handing me a slightly altered script. "We made a few minor changes here and there, nothing to be worried about, just tweaks and tucks for the dialogue in this scene. Take note of your marks, we'll do a few run-throughs first to get everything looking smooth and natural, ok?" There was a brief pause, then he says, "Oh...and also, while you guys are doing the digging with the shovels and all...ummm, Asa and Chandler have decided to do the scene shirtless. So...yeah. They're doing the scene shirtless." He looked at me with a bit of a nod, and then just sort of stood there. Almost as if he was waiting for me to say something.
"Yes. Well, they ran it by the director, he likes the idea and decided it would look good on camera. Fits in with the story, the intense heat and all. Plus it's a little thrill for the Chandler fans out there. Fangirls will love it." He said. Then there was another brief pause. "Ok, soooo...that's it. You three guys in the scene. Just Asa, and Chandler...and you. So do you need anything, or?"
I gave him a sideways look. "Are you saying that I should take my shirt off...?"
"No! No way!" He blurted out. "I mean, if you wanted to do it for the scene that's up to you. I was just trying to inform you of some of the changes."
"So I should take my shirt off then."
"I did not say that. Nobody's saying that." He claimed, a fake chuckle following his statement. "No no, saying stuff like that to actors on a set leads to, hehehe, tabloid rumors and...possible lawsuits. And lawsuits are bad! I'm merely informing you of your options as to how to play the scene as an integrated part of the narrative."
"And in layman's terms?" I asked.
"In layman's terms...the director is looking for solidarity. So...if Asa has his shirt off, and Chandler has his shirt off...?" He cringed when he said it, holding his breath as he waited for me to give him an answer.
I looked over at where Asa was standing, grabbing one of the prop shovels and getting into position in front of the cameras. His blue pearls glanced up at me for a moment, and as a devious little smirk appeared on his lips, he gave me a wink. Almost as if to taunt me.
But you know what? I'm not worried. What am I so nervous about? I've got a boyfriend. Not a fantasy, not a sex partner...a boyfriend. Greyson is my one and only sweetheart and I'm not even remotely tempted to spoil that now. Besides, less than an hour ago I had Asa Butterfield sucking on my earlobe while Chandler stroked my boner with his foot in my lap! If I can walk away from that situation and not totally lose it, then I can withstand pretty much anything. I'm not going to let him tease me into submission. I refuse.
"Yeah. Ok. That's fine. Let's do it." I said, more determined than ever to prove that I couldn't be compromised.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you! It'll look great!" He said. Then shouted out, "Delores! We need you over here for wardrobe." He looked back at me and said, "She's going to get you a head wrap and a misting. Study the changes, especially page 7, and we'll be ready to roll in no time."
"Yep. K." I said, and started pulling my shirt up over my head. It's no big deal. It's not like he asked me to run stark naked through a swarm of bees or anything. What kind of irked me, however, is the way Asa set it up so we'd all be filming this way. Something just tells me that, while Chandler might be a more than willing accomplice, Asa is the mastermind behind all this.
Fine. We can make a game out of this if that's how they want to play. The harder they push, the harder I'll push back. I'm no scaredy cat.
They do look awfully hot without their shirts on though. Just...just saying.
As Delores gently covered my head with my shirt, allowing some of my blond locks to show a little on the sides, she began working her magic to tie it into an expert knot that wouldn't bulge and wouldn't untangle while filming. She did it so fast and so easy that it almost seemed like a super power of sorts. She gave my chest a few sprays and muddied me up a little bit to make it look like I was involved in a day's worth of labor, and I couldn't help but to feel a little 'exposed' out there. Don't get me wrong, I don't usually spend a whole lot of time staring in the mirror and picking myself apart at home. But on set? With like...a million people walking around and fans watching from the sidelines? I just felt a little naked. And scrawny. And maybe a little bit pale. And no abs. Asa has abs. Look at him. He's even got that hot little 'V' line reaching down into his pants from either side of his shallow belly button. And did you know that Chandler has a sprinkling of freckles on each shoulder. Just a few, a little darker now that he's been in the sun for a while. But it's cute. There are some on his neck too.
Ugh! You SEE? This is how they get me to stare at them! And how they get to stare at me too. It's a trap, I tell you!
I was called to my mark, I finished studying my extra dialogue, and I looked Asa directly in his eye to silently tell him that I wasn't budging. I'm not going to let him get to me. Not today.
Chandler walked up with a bottle of water and his eyes looked me over. "Looking good." He smiled. We were all standing pretty close together, but when Chandler pretended to turn towards Asa...and the ice cold side of his water bottle slid over my left nipple...I knew that he did it on purpose. He had to. "Oops. Sorry." They both giggled at me, but I stood my ground, orgasmic chill and all.
"Alright, places everybody. Rolling in ten. You boys just start digging and we'll pan over to you from the right." Our director said.
Both Asa and Chandler grinned at me, but I didn't pay it much attention. "You know we're just giving ya grief, right?" Asa said.
"Yeah. It's cool." I replied. I didn't look back at him. The last thing I needed was to fall prey to the hypnotic effect of those bright blue eyes reflecting the Summer sun. Not to mention that the few peeks I absentmindedly took of Asa's naked torso seemed to be glistening with a thin layer of sweat, an occasional 'tear' of perspiration rolling down the side of his neck. Don't judge me, ok??? I'm faithful...but I'm only human! And gay! And a teenager! So sue me.
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