That's how I felt.
I felt soooo weary.
My eyes began to lose their focus as I watched the brightening sky above me. The sun wasn't up breaking over the horizon yet, but it was definitely on its way. Dyeing the sky a myriad of sensational colors...an elaborately golden hue blending and merging itself with countless others to paint our natural canopy with a delicate splendor of its own. It was a sight that seemed to bring me a level of comfort...laying down in the back of that truck. But my body had been so worn out. So fatigued. The harder I fought to stay awake...the harder the demands of a momentary loss of consciousness pulled on my senses. The whole time, lulling me into a state of irresistible exhaustion. Maybe it was the transformation that did it. I had forgotten just how much energy the change takes out of me once I gave into it. It didn't seem to wear my brethren down as much as it did me...but maybe they were just more accustomed to the brutality of it all. Being ripped apart...and made anew.
I can't believe that, even at this distance from their influence, I still sound like them in my head.
I could feel the intense burn of the wounds on my back where Kriegar's claws slashed my soft flesh to ribbons with the slightest touch. Drops of perspiration stung like salt and vinegar as it worked its way into the textured grooves of my deep cuts, causing me to wince in pain. But despite my high fever and jittery nerves...looking up at the night sky and the seeing the sight of tree branches scrolling past the movement of the speeding truck...a cooling breeze blowing over me as if to whisper secret healing phrases in my ear...I felt at peace. Totally at peace.
Was I far enough away for the calling to have lost its manipulative hold on me? Am I far enough away to breathe normally and flip off that emotional switch within me to let me know that it's ok to lower my defenses and stop being on high alert? It was hard to say. But I kept my ears perked up no matter how much effort the early morning atmosphere tried to calm me with the sounds of bird chirps and bright skies. I knew better. Father won't let this rest. He won't just let me walk away from my loyalties the way I did.
Ugh! CYRUS! Not 'Father'! His name...is Cyrus!
Difficult habit to break.
I had to force myself to think clearly. My senses were so muddy and incohesive. Hard to concentrate on anything beyond what Fath...er...Cyrus, told me to concentrate on. His control could be so complete. So pure. You wanted to believe in him. You wanted to trust him. It was like I had no self control at all when he was near...but he made me take pride and comfort in that. There was so much security in his leadership. I didn't have to be burdened with the mundane effort to think at all. As long as Cyrus loved me...and I showed him my eternal appreciation for that love...then I never had any reason to doubt his decisions. No reason to turn down his sexual advances. No reason to shy away from his strength, his power, his majesty. Cyrus was all I needed to live carefree and happy. Like he told me many times before...all I had to do was let go.
Father cared for me. He showed me the light. He gave me strength...and beauty...mental, emotional, spiritual, and sexual, confidence. He supported me. Believed in me. Fought for me. And I betrayed him. I left my family behind for a second time. And I did it all to return to the flimsy illusion of freedom. Just so I could go back to so-called 'friends' and an environment that tires itself out every day trying to make the real me feel like an outcast. Hoping they'll be able to shame and bully me into hiding. Condemning me for not be the mindless 'worker bee' that their imaginary hive wants me to be.
Laying in the back of that truck, staring up at the sky...I had to keep asking myself if I was making the right choice. When it came to the power and protection of my pack...I knew that I shouldn't want it. I shouldn't submit to the craving, the intense THIRST, of it all. But if I ignored my desire to hold on to it for a little bit longer...I'd be a liar, and a hypocrite. Two things that Cyrus wouldn't tolerate, and never asked me to be.
Shit! The burn of my body repairing itself was beginning to make me nauseous. The whole world seemed to be spinning at triple its usual speed. So I closed my eyes and attempted to keep things still by blocking out the rotating vision of the world surrounding me. I just...I needed to rest. The wolf in me needs so much energy. So...soooo much energy...
I'm not exactly sure when I drifted off, but it couldn't have taken more than a few minutes. My physical form felt so heavy. So cumbersome. I'm surprised that I was able to stay conscious for as long as I did.
My mind, sliding through a magical door and into a pool of 'half thoughts' and incomplete dreams...I thought about Cyrus' kiss on my fevered lips. About Kriegar's aggressive approach to ravaging my body whenever he was horny. About Dexter's marshmallow soft bare ass cheeks as I squeezed and kneaded them with both hands. About Scout's smallish tongue as he engulfed me, or the Twins...subliminally coordinating their efforts as they pleased me from either side. One explosive orgasm after another. What am I going to do in a day or two when my body yearns for their touch again? It might not even take that long. In fact, as I moved my hand over to absentmindedly grip and lightly tug at my half hearted erection, I felt as though I was starting to miss them already. Almost as if I could feel John Boy's salivated tongue coiling around my hardness...his young lips pressing in on me from all sides as he bobbed his head up and down in order to carry me towards the release I was so anxious to give him. I thought about the way that Sebastian's silky skin slid up against mine as we spooned up against one another in bed...or how tight Dexter's cute little orifice would be if it were stretched around the ridge of my engorged phallus to the point where his boyish hole blushed from the strain of trying to accommodate me.
Dizzy. Half asleep, half awake...the thoughts ran back and forth through my mind uninhibited. I even thought about my time with Ian...replaying his helpless whimpers in my mind as I thrust madly into his virgin hole and used him for everything that he was worth. My god...the softness of him! The tightness! How many time did we have sex in that bed tonight? I lost count. All I knew was that I wanted more. Much much more!
Once we slow down...I might just....
Without even opening my eyes, I looked back up at the sky and wondered...are we slowing down?
Perhaps it was the bumps in the road, or the way the branches decreased in their rate of passing...but as my eyes suddenly sprung open with a touch of surprise, I knew that something was going on. And that it was a BAD thing!
"Isaac? Isaac, what are you doing?" I called out. Still sore and fatigued, I rolled over to the side and got on my hands and knees...crawling to the back window of the truck. When I looked inside, Isaac's eyes met mine through the reflection of the rearview mirror. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, his face smothered with an expression of fear and hopelessness. "Isaac? Dude, are you ok...?"
He was silent at first. Then I saw him grip the wheel with both hands and he took a couple of really deep breaths...almost as if he were preparing himself for something.
"Isaac...we can't slow down, ok? It isn't safe. Do you understand. W have to keep..."
But before I could finish my sentence, Isaac jerked the wheel of the truck to the side and we started heading towards a ditch on the side of the road! Isaac opened the driver's side door, and before I could reach in and grab a hold of him...he JUMPED!
I was shocked, Isaac landing on the pavement and tumbling for a bit before coming to a complete stop. I, on the other hand, was still rolling forward in a moving car that I had NO control over! Due to his turn of the wheel, I didn't have a chance to climb in through the truck window and steer myself to safety. I didn't even have enough time for his irrational behavior to register in my mind so I could jump over the side withhim. Instead, I looked ahead just in time to see my racing towards a rather 'sturdy' looking tree!
I felt my body being flung off of the back of the pick up truck and over onto the hood, sliding until my back and shoulders were slammed against the tree bark with an amount of force that left me breathless. Had Isaac not decelerated enough for him to jump safely out of his seat, he could have KILLED me!
"Ughhh...what the...what the hell?" I rubbed the back of my neck as the fever inside tried to assess and quickly heal the damage. When I began to stir and look behind me, I saw Isaac dashing off into the thick of the woods, running as fast as his feet could carry him, a limitless surge of terror fueling every step. I was so groggy that it took me a minute to get my eyes to stop losing focus. What the fuck was that about???
"Help!!! Somebody help! Please help me, God! PLEASE!!!" Isaac screamed. How in the hell was he able to scream so loud and still have enough breath to run that fast? Shit, this isn't going to end well.
Struggling to get to my feet, cracking my neck and stretching my arm to relocate my shoulder as it had almost been knocked right out of the socket...I zeroed in on Isaac's scent and wafted in a trail of panic and horror as he weaved in and out of the forest to the best of his ability. Instantly I took off after him, hoping to shut him the fuck up before he brought even MORE people into our deadly predicament! I know Cyrus, and he won't hesitate to mercilessly slaughter every man, woman, and child, within earshot if he thinks our kind have been exposed.
"ISAAC!!! STOP RUNNING!!!" I shouted, small branches hitting me in the face as I made a valiant attempt to keep up. "What are you DOING? Isaac! Come back here!"
"You stay AWAY from me! What ARE you???"
"It's not what you think! Let's just talk about this!"
"MONSTER!" He shouted. "HELP!!! Anybody! Help me!!!"
Dammit! The more I chased him through the woods, the angrier I got. I know that this had to be...a bit of a shock to him. Ok, maybe it's the most awful fucking thing that has ever happened to him in his entire LIFE! I get that. But if he doesn't shut his mouth, a LOT of innocent people are going to die out here!
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