It was a major step for me...HUGE step for me...but I used my pinky finger to reach out as well. I can remember feeling as though I had this big clog of solid ice cubes in my lungs...but when his pinky finger and mine started to rub up against one another...the thrill of it nearly caused me to stop breathing entirely. Awww, I didn't know what I was doing! But it felt right. All of it felt like...the core magic of life itself. I just didn't want it to end. It scared me, but I think I liked that. Does that make me a freak? I don't know. Does it really matter?
Our pinky fingers curled up and locked around one another. Deme and I turned our heads to look at each other briefly. Just long enough for us to share a flirtatious grin before we looked up at the sky again. However, Deme was bold enough to move his hand over enough to grab my hand completely. I had trouble emotionally processing everything that I was feeling at that moment, but the stifled giggles came bursting out of me anyway.
“This is ok, yes?” Deme asked me.
Full of warm fuzzies and infatuated tingles, I said, “Yeah. This is totally ok.”
“Good. For me as well.” He said. Then, with a sigh, he said, “This feels cool.”
My heart was bouncing around like an energetic bag of sugar nitro puppies in my chest, but I tried to contain my awe and excitement as best as I could. I felt him give my hand a firm squeeze, his thumb lightly rubbing itself back and forth against my skin. And when I finally got the courage, I did the same to him. His palm was so soft. So warm. I wish I had the guts to do more, but...for what it's worth, I don't think I've been more aroused in my entire life. Just from holding his hand in mine. Flesh pressed against flesh. A companionship and a, hopefully, mutual attraction...shared under the unapologetic canopy of joyful tree leaves in the park, and the subtle glory of a sunlit afternoon. Who knew that something so amazing could be achieved so effortlessly when you had the right person in your life to inspire that beauty within you. Heh...God, I'm turning into such a sucker for love.
The kind of silence that you could only really appreciate when your heart and soul did all the talking for you.
Deme's fingers were so long, and so thin. When our innocent hand holding turned into something more intimate...our fingers laced themselves together, interlocking with an affectionate embrace. It was his touch that suddenly put my brain on 'boner alert'. It was growing faster than I could come up with unsexy thoughts to interrupt its journey towards rising to full mast! I didn't want him to see it. I don't think I was advanced enough yet to just let some random boy see me in my most aroused, most vulnerable, state. Give me a break! I'm a teenager! I know that Deme was the hottest boy on Earth, but I've never ever been in a position where me having an erection in front of somebody else was considered 'ok'! Up to this point in my life, getting a boner was something to get laughed at when the teacher called you up to do your book report in front of the entire class. I wasn't quite used to the concept of just having a big old bulge of obscene boy sword sticking straight up in my pants for another boy to see! I guess I'm still a little shy about being...you know...a sensual being, or whatever.
Although, I must say...Deme is quickly elevating me to a higher ground when it comes to this 'sexy' stuff.
I didn't want to let go.
Sure, my temperature had risen to the point where the fever burned the back of my eyelids, and my lungs felt as though they were being squeezed by a hungry boa constrictor, and I had to keep concentrating on staying still for fear that I'd float away into the clouds and never find my way back down again...but still...I didn't want to let go.
Deme's thumb was now making slow circles on the back of my hand. I got a chill from the fear of such an experimental touch, but made the decision to mimic his movements. I just kept staring up at those rustling leaves, the sound of my own breathing combined with throbbing pulse of my own heartbeat flooding my ears to the point where I could almost hear nothing else. I fearfully turned my head...just an inch...and tried to catch sight of Deme's beauty in my peripheral.
He had the most content smile on his face. As if everything was right with the world. Who knows? Maybe it was.
Unable to resist any longer, I turned my head further to the side to see the sweetest blush in Deme's cheeks. This time, the movement caught his eye, and he turned to look back at me.
Our smiles widened simultaneously.
Soon turning into a short flutter of giggles, and he squeezed my hand firmly. With his free hand, he ran his fingers through his dark brown locks to lift them off of his forehead in the cutest way. But he propped himself up on one elbow, they all came cascading back down to rest over his hypnotic eyes again. Then...just above a whisper...he said, “...My good friend, Shane.” Much to my surprise, he actually raised my hand up to his perfect lips...lightly kissing me on the back of my knuckles.
It was too much for my chaotic emotions to handle. It only took a second of eye contact before I was almost fully erect and ready to blow. I didn't know how to angle myself in such a way that would allow me to roll over onto my stomach and still hold his hand, but...just on the off chance that Deme was merely being 'fun' and openly displaying a fond attachment to me and not...you know...what I really WISH it was...
...I thought it better to not have this big boner obscenity pointed directly at his face.
Regretfully...I let go.
However, what surprised me most is that Deme rolled over onto his stomach right after I did. Wait...did he do that for the same reason or is he just...hold on...
“Today was very special to me, Shane. Thank you.” He grinned.
“Uh huh...” I said softly in response.
We returned to silence. The whole world seemed to be moving in slow motion. As if a thick, muddy, substance had been tossed into the very gears of time itself.
I had the urge to laugh from nervousness, but I fought it.
We were searching each other's eyes. Examining our mutual gaze. What we were looking for, I'm not quite sure...but it was there. I could feel it. He could feel it too.
I saw a little flash of pink as Deme gently moistened his lips with his tongue.
I involuntarily did the same.
Am I read for this? If so, I'd better do it before my heart gives out. It can't keep spasming like this for much longer.
What are we waiting for? Am I waiting for him or is he waiting for me? What do I DO???
It was at that moment that we heard some kids ride by the park making...I don't know...'kid noises', I suppose. I had completely forgotten that we were totally out here in a public place! In my own neighborhood, for that matter! When you've got Deme to talk to, you kind of forget everything else. Common sense included.
It broke the moment for me, and I tried to cover up my embarrassment as quickly as possible. As if my blush hadn't already betrayed my overworked heart. “Hehehe, I'm sorry. Was that weird? Did I get weird on you? Probably weird right?”
“No.” He smirked. “Not for me.” Ok, this is getting to be MUCH more than I expected! He was so serious when he said it! I was almost instantly sucked back in again when he spoke up and said, “Do you want to come over for a bit? Father is still fixing the house but...maybe we can continue this with no more noise.”
I began shaking almost immediately from the invite, but I was already nodding my head and saying, “Cool. Ok.” before I had the chance to chicken out of it. “Let's go.”
“Yes. Let's go.” He beamed.
God, I hope I'm able to ride my bike in this...ummm...'condition'.
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