It's hard to come up with things to say to him. Hard to make idle small talk when Dallas' very presence makes me scrutinize and feel self conscious about every word that comes out of my mouth.
I'm not really used to being shy. Bashfulness has never really been an emotion that I've learned to embrace. You want something? You ask for it. You go AFTER it. How else do you expect to make any progress in life, right? The worst thing anybody can say to you is 'no'...and even then, keep pushing until they either give in to your demands, or walk away angry because you made such a fucking *PEST* out of yourself! Either way, I get my answer right away and I either get what I want or I get the opportunity to move on and get it elsewhere instead of wasting my time. I don't like feeling as though I have to appeal to someone else in order to get them to play ball. Either give it to me straight or leave me alone. It's been a very stable and successful structure that I've built for myself over the past few years, minimizing the 'would be horror' of an adolescent life spent in angst, worry, and never-ending torment.
But Dallas was different.
For some odd reason, a rejection from him seems like it would be a terrible, life altering, ordeal. One that I'm afraid to face. I don't know what I'd do if I was forced to distance myself from him and his invisible aura of goodness. I don't know why my heart has decided to place him in such an exclusive category...but I find myself frightened by the thought of him feeling awkward around me. That fear, alone, is enough to keep me at bay for as long as I think he doesn't want to be bothered. He makes me feel like such a mess.
We pass by a few people in the halls, all of them with bags under their eyes, yawning and fatigued, practically having to lean against the walls for support. Dallas said, "Everybody looks so tired around here. I mean, I suppose it's a good thing...keeping anybody who's sick from getting in here with the rest of us, but...I'm surprised that some of these soldiers and doctors haven't actually lost consciousness standing up. It's hard to tell who the real zombies are these days."
His voice was so cute. Boyishly deep, but friendly in the most alluring way.
"Yeah, well they're only going to get worse if they keep bringing in trucks at all hours of the night." I said. "They started out small, originally. Ten people here, twenty people there. But now? I think the last few trucks were practically spilling over with people. Possibly 40 or even 50 people per truck, from the looks of it. They're actually talking about getting more trucks to go out with every convoy."
"Yeah..." Dallas mumbled sadly. "...I noticed that."
There was a silence as he sort of looked down at the floor. An uncomfortable pause that I couldn't ignore. It compelled me to say, "I'm sure they're figuring things out as fast as they can. The soldiers and doctors and all...they're saving lives. That's kinda what they do."
"I know but...the more people they bring in here...the more I'm starting to realize that things are getting worse out there." He said. "I'm starting to think...that things aren't going to get any better any time soon."
I chuckled. "What? You mean, like, the end of the world as we know it?" I was attempting to be confident in front of him, but rolling my eyes might have been a bit too much. It comes off as snobbish, I think. Ugh! You SEE??? He makes me second guess everything! "Do you know how many times we've been told 'the end was coming'? The wars and the riots and the nuclear threats and the environment and the killer comets from space...everybody is looking to be the next Paul Revere...riding through town with a warning for the rest of us, so when it all goes down they can shout, 'SEE? I told ya so!!!' The world's been ending since it began. We survived those threats. I'm sure we'll survive this one too."
"I don't know, Sonny." He said. "This seems like a special case. I don't think this is going to get any better. Not any time soon, at least." A slight cough caught him by surprise, and he covered his mouth as his longish, light brown, hair jerked forward. If he thought he was going to be able to hide that radiant level of beauty and grace behind a thin curtain of shimmering bronze...he was sadly mistaken. "Ugh...the last thing I need right now is a cold."
"And here I was all geared up to make out with you on a moment's notice." I grinned. So did he. Unfortunately, I wasn't really trying to be funny.
Shit! Come on, Sonny! Get it together! Stop talking like that! You sound like such a lame!
"You know...there's so much stuff that I wish I had done out there." Dallas told me. "So many parts of the world that I was hoping to see someday. Accomplishments that I was hoping to achieve, dreams that I was hoping would come true. I never expected everything to fall apart so fast. It still doesn't even feel like this is really happening." Dallas kind of stared off into space, and added, "...Civilization is so damn fragile, you know? You never really understand how fake it is, how much of a pointless 'show' we all put on for others...until it all comes tumbling down."
Feeling the melancholy quicksand sucking us both down into a miserable moment, I told him, "They'll figure something out. They always do." Dallas looked at me, and gave me a bit of a crooked smirk...but it wasn't necessarily a genuine expression of relief. I continued. "Right now, people in this place, and I'm sure in every other place around the city, the state, the country...hell, maybe even the world, are working 'round the clock to fix this. Things suck for right now...but in a couple of weeks, some brilliant scientist somewhere will find a cure or a vaccine for whatever is causing this to happen. And then the outbreak will be contained, society will adjust, and the President will get on TV and make some inspirational speech about how we won the day, and how we're heroes for running away from the threat and hiding out in the halls of Hillside High. Ultimately, a few years from now, we'll all look back on this as some kind of fucked up memory that we alter and modify to make it a more interesting story at parties. The time when we thought all of humanity was doomed...and we struggled together for another inevitable win against the forces of evil. You know...cinematic bullshit. Heh..."
This time, Dallas's smile seemed a little more authentic. And that made me wiggle in my own skin.
"If you say so." He grinned. Then...I noticed that he reached a hand out to the side to place it on one of the lockers to balance himself.
"You ok?" I asked.
"Yeah. Just...a little dizzy, I think. The doctors must have drugged me up with something during my last check up. I feel weird."
"Well...here, let's just sit down for a little bit. We can talk." I said.
"Yeah? Ok...sure. That actually sounds like a good idea." Dallas leaned his back and shoulders up against the lockers and slid down to the floor, with me taking a seat directly beside him. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes for a few seconds, as if to stop the world from spinning. I took a secretive glance at him, watching his soft, pink, lips part slightly...a colorful contrast to the pale smoothness of his cheek. His long eyelashes curling slightly at their ends. No matter what Dallas did, the presentation was breathtaking. "I'm sorry. What were we talking about? I lost my concentration."
"The end of the world, I believe." I could do it, you know? I could lean in and kiss him right on the lips while his eyes were closed. By the time he realized what was going on, it would feel too good for him to want to stop. I just wanted a taste of what it would be like to be with him. What it would be like to kiss those lips and have them kiss me back. Not just to reach an orgasm...but to actually display some sort of exclusive emotion for me the same way that I would display it for them.
"Oh yeah, hehehe...right. Duh..." He snickered. "Yeah, I'm just...feeling weird these past few days. It comes and it goes, but...I don't know."
"Feeling weird, like how?" I asked.
"Just...off. You know? I get these random headaches sometimes. I get really thirsty all of a sudden, without warning. It's hard to sleep, hard to focus...I don't know if I'm just super exhausted or what."
"You know what's an awesome way for you to get rid of all those symptoms?" I asked.
"A really hot...really slow...wet and sexy blowjob." I was trembling slightly when I said it, but I was hoping for a positive response.
Dallas opened his eyes and turned his head to look at me, giggling at my brazen approach. "And I take it that you're going to be the one to help me out with that, huh?"
"Well, I feel it's my duty to help out whenever and wherever I can. You know...for public safety reasons and all, of course." I said. Why am I still shaking this way?
He coughed again, and then said, "You're a real pal, there, Sonny. Hehehe!" I swear, I could almost taste him. "Cameron told me to keep my eye on you."
"Only because he wants you for himself, I'm sure." I replied.
"You two are too horny for my tastes."
"I won't deny being horny for your taste, Dallas. That's for sure." I laughed, and we clammed up as some more people walked by us in the hallway.
That's when Dallas said, "Nah. I'm flattered, but...zombie apocalypse or not...I still want my first to be something special."
"You're breaking my heart. You know that, right?" Then I thought about what he said, and I was like, "Wait...did I hear that right? Did you say 'your first'?"
Now it was time for him to roll his eyes. But it's soooo much more adorable when he does it! "Don't. Ok? Just...let's move on."
I giggled unintentionally. "Wait...you've never had a blowjob before?"
"That's not moving on." He said.
"Hehehe, NO! Seriously! Off the record. I just wanna know!"
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