There were a few times throughout the night where Alec woke himself out of his deep sleep. His violent cough, rattling around in his chest before calming down and kicking me a few more times afforded him some peace. Those little feet, knees, and elbows, hurt like hell...but I didn't want to wake him up with any complaints of his unconscious attacks. I simply suffered through the pain in silence while he settled back down into the warm, swaddling, sheets surrounding him. I can't tell you how good it felt to finally feel his once ice cold limbs relax in my brotherly embrace. I was reaching a point where I was afraid that his lips would turn blue and my lame attempts to provide him some level of comfort and protection would be wasted.
The truth is...I couldn't go to sleep until I knew, for sure, that my baby brother was ok first. I just couldn't. I would begin to nod off on my own, but Alec's illness would cause him such misery that he'd wake up again, shuffle around for a moment, and drift back off. As though his physical positioning would somehow heal the sickness inside of him. And I'd force my eyes open, holding him close until I heard his soft breathing return to normal.
Every time he moved, I moved. Wishing that I could somehow shield him from the plague his little body was fighting off with every biological weapon at its disposal. His immune system wasn't experienced enough to have much practice in these matters. Even as a baby, whenever Alec got sick...he got really sick. 'Trip to the hospital' sick. And that was ok when we were at home...but out here on the streets, totally dependent on the kindness of strangers? Alec's failing health was a bit of an emergency. There were only two options for me now...cure him, or let him get worse. The answer should have been easy...but it wasn't. Not for me.
Alec must have been pretty quiet for a decent length of time, because I was finally able to sleep deeply enough to have the rest do me some good. My mind wandered away from my worries, my eyes ceased to burn, and I was actually able to release my tight hold on Alec to find a comfortable position of my own.
But then...I felt a stirring down beneath the sheets.
I was so groggy that it was hard for me to return to consciousness. My body felt tingly...my legs weak. And yet, it was a sensation unlike anything that I have ever known. A pleasurable vibration that cause my insides to squirm and my head to spin. A warm, wet, sensation...trapping my hard shaft in its tender suction. As though I was being masturbated with a handful of silk. But...I wasn't touching myself. This wasn't me.
Trying to clear the hazy cobwebs out of my mind, I opened my eyes to look down and see movement underneath the blankets. I almost couldn't make sense out of what was happening, but it felt so good that I almost didn't want to know what was happening until it was over. Instinct cause the muscles in my hips to flex and tighten, my cheeks slightly lifting up off of the mattress to further bury myself in the sultry heat nursing at my hardness. A hushed whimper escaped my lips, and I tried to come out of my fog to figure out how this was at all possible. I ran my fingers through my hair, clearing my vision, and clearly saw the shape of a head bobbing up and down with the same rhythm as the blissful shock of being serviced in the dark.
I felt completely under this person's control, and I liked it. ″Wha...? Trevor? Trevor, are you...?″ I whispered, but got no answer. ″Mmmm...God, what are you doing? Wow...″ I said. But as I became more aware of my surroundings, I immediately noticed that Alec was no longer by my side. What had happened to him? Where did he go? ″Trevor? Where's my brother? Trevor, wait...I can't find Alec. Where did you put him?″ The sucking got even more intense, nearly bringing me over the edge...but my concern took priority. ″Trevor...Trevor, stop!″ I got up on my elbows and tried to scoot backwards, but the lustful mouth crawled further forward to follow me. ″Stop! What are you doing???″ I said louder, and reached down to throw the blankets to the side.
What I saw caused me to cringe, as my step-father, Chuck's, face became visible! ″Tasty! I KNEW you'd be into it, China Doll!″ He said, and slammed his mouth back down on me to take me all the way to the base!
I immediately started kicking and wriggling and let out an angrily disgusted SCREAM that echoed off of the bedroom walls!!!
And then...I woke up with a frightened gasp of horror.
I had been so thoroughly disturbed by the nightmare that I was literally shaking with rage. I felt Alec move in the bed next to me and jumped involuntarily, afraid to be touched by much of anyone. Even him.
I held my hand to my chest...the painful thump of my heartbeat causing me to shake while I attempt to catch my breath. The lingering images in my mind of Chuck touching me...doing...that...to me...it nearly caused me to throw up. I covered my private area with my free hand as I sat up and tried to shake the awful visions from my brain. Alec grunted and jerked around a bit, but thankfully didn't wake up all the way this time. As violated as I felt at that particular moment, I don't think I wanted to make enough contact to console him. I didn't want to touch or be touched by anybody. Not now. Maybe not ever again.
I carefully slid out from behind Alec and off the foot of the bed, turning back to make sure the covers were pulled back up to his shoulders. Then I snuck out of the bedroom to get some air.
The house was dead silent. All the lights were off, but while it was still pretty dark at this time of morning, I peered out between the blinds and saw the sky slowly brightening up with the approaching dawn. I wanted to look out towards the lake. From this apartment, it was clearly visible in the distance. I just had a little bit of trouble trying to get the blinds raised. I kept trying to figure things out, but upon closer inspection I noticed that the strings used for operating the blinds had knots tied in them. A BUNCH of knots. Clearly it was done on purpose to prevent them from ever being raised at all, but I could still use my fingers to pry my way between the slats and peek outside. Not only was the sky getting brighter, but small touches of color could be seen coming to life.
I couldn't explain it, but even now after everything that's happened to us, the rising sun still soothed my weary thoughts and my battered soul. Maybe it was just some weird mental response, or a false reaction created by routine and random belief...but it was true. The brighter the sky got, the better I felt. The horrific images of my nightmare began to fade away, and I was able to take a deep breath and feel rejuvenated. Whole. I stared out of that apartment window for at least ten more minutes, not saying a word. Not taking a seat. Never once taking my eyes off of that bright horizon. Because, just as my father once told me...
"Taryn, just remember, that when you look out towards the lake, and see the sun rising out of the water...you'll know that daddy's coming home, and that he'll never leave you. As long as you remember that, I'll always be looking out for you kid, no matter what."
I wanted him to come back to me. I wish he was here right now. He'd know what to do. About Alec, about Mom, about Chuck...he'd make things right again. He'd give me hope. God, how I missed having hope.
As the Sun began to peek out from the far end of the lake, an overwhelming surge of emotion swelled up within me, and I felt a single tear crawl from my eye as I realized that I had no plan for how I was going to get through the next few hours, much less the next few days. I didn't know where the next meal was coming from, how to come up with any more money, or even where we were going to stay tonight. I thought I had things under control, but...it crumbled and fell apart so fast. So what now?
Seriously. What now?
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