- I think I've figured out the real reason why jobs pay you every two weeks. Because, just when you're starting to feel the fatigue of standing on your feet for hours and hours a day, just when you begin asking yourself why getting up and going to work is probably taking years off of your life...you get a paycheck, and then you go, "Oh yeah...now I remember."
Honestly, putting my check in the bank today and seeing how much I have saved up so far this Summer really made me feel good. Like...it may sound silly, but this is the first time in my life where I felt like I could do a much better job of taking care of myself if I really had to. I felt more independent. Like, I can go to the food court and buy junk food without having to ask my mom for the money. Even better, I didn't have to hear her complaints about the stuff I eat beforehand. Ugh! Do parents have any clue as to how annoying they are sometimes?
Anyway, it's not like I'm super rich or anything...but it was comforting to know that I might be able to take Brandon out to lunch, or maybe even dinner, with what I had saved up so far. I might even be able to go to the lower level of the mall and buy myself something swanky to raise his eyebrows when I come knocking at his door. Hehehe, anything that I can do to bring a smile to that boy's face is going to become an instant priority to me. As long as it makes him happy...
...And maybe gets me a piece of ass later! Hehehe!
Anyway, the first hour or two that I was on the clock at the record store, all I could really concentrate on was the fact that Taylor wasn't working today...and Garrett looked so 'lonely' without him. I mean, I can't really say that he seemed sad or depressed because of his absence, but he was definitely a lot more quiet without his favorite co-worker there to keep him entertained. Even when I talked to him a few times on my own, he just kinda shrugged and smiled and acted like it was no big deal. The more I watched him, the more I worried about how awful it's going to be when Taylor tells him that he's not really...ummmm...'interested' in him. At least, not in the same way. Things like that can be devastating to a gay teen, pursuing a dreamy boy for the first time. It can be terrifying. I thought back to all of the times that I wished I could talk to Jamie Cross, and how my whole body and emotional stability would break down immediately whenever I got close enough to him for his ears to pick up on the thunderous pounding of my stressed out heartbeat. I hope Garrett's not that far gone yet. He seemed to put up a decent smile when I talked to him though, so maybe I'm blowing the seriousness of this out of proportion.
Robin seems almost normal again these days, which I would normally take some comfort in, but I noticed that he was being kinda sneaky when he took his lunch break today. Ollie took a quick bathroom break around that time and saw Robin and AJ eating together. So...I already know what that's about. He totally sold himself back into the role of being AJ's little fuck puppet just to keep from being alone. And as much as that infuriates me...there really isn't a whole lot that I can do about that. I mean...maybe there are boys out there who just don't want anything more. They cry and complain and ache the whole time they're trapped in that situation, but the second you give them a way out, they get nervous and jump right back into the fire. So...why fight it anymore, you know?
I really thought Robin was smarter than that. He's so cute. He's going to be so 'ruined' by the time he finds somebody truly special. By that point, will it even matter?
Anyway, it's exhausting to even talk about it anymore. Sometimes it feels like the same problems linger on and on and every day becomes a carbon copy of the one before it. I don't know how to fix things and it's not my responsibility to do so. So when he smiles at me, like, "What's up, Billy?" And prances around the store all happy go lucky, I just try not to look him in the eye. I swallow my concern and leave him to be...'infatuated', I guess. I'll take that over another argument any day.
My manager, Scott, seemed to notice that I've been a bit preoccupied lately. I wasn't trying to be a downer or anything, but me being less than cheerful to any degree is a bad sign for the people around me. They can always tell. At the end of my shift he asked me if I wanted to talk about anything, which was nice of him, but I just told him, "Nah, it's ok. I think I'm just tired. Thanks though."
As he guided me into the office, he said, "Tired, huh? Well, you've got some time off tomorrow, right? Get some rest." I nodded, and he was like, "Listen, how good are you with numbers and all?"
An odd question. I'm like, "Pretty good, I guess. Why?"
He says, "Calleigh is taking a vacation next week, and I was thinking of maybe trying you out on register for a few days. Is that something you think you might be interested in?"
I have to admit that I was kinda flattered by the offer. I don't know why, but the register was like...the command center of the whole store. Hehehe, you kinda felt like a VIP when you were up behind the counter. So, naturally, I was like, "Yeah. That sounds cool. Ummm...what do I do?"
He says, "Well, I'm going to put you on the schedule for Monday morning, get here about fifteen minutes early, and I'll show you how to set up your drawer for the day and give you a practice day while business is a little on the mellow side. Alright?" It was my first big smile of the day. He's like, "Oh...Billy's eyes look bright and happy now, don't they? Get out of here. Enjoy your day off."
I most certainly will!
Things definitely seemed to be heading in that direction once I got home and I got a chance to call Brandon up to say hello. Sometimes we miss a day or two...and the day just doesn't really seem complete without hearing from him. Not that I want to make a pest of myself, I just...I feel like my day isn't as incredible as it could have been if Brandon were a more solid part of it.
When he picked up, he sounded like he was a bit tired. When I told him so, he's like, "Oh. Maybe a little bit. Somebody broke our living room window this morning."
I'm like, "WHAT? Omigod..."
He said, "Yeah. It's just stupid. Probably one of the neighborhood kids or something. Whoever it was, they bolted before we could catch sight of them. My dad's flipping out. He's trying not to curse so much in front of me, but I can't say that it's working too well. Hehehe!"
I'm like, "Damn. I'm sorry, sweetie. That's gotta suck. So you were on clean up duty today?"
He says, "Unfortunately. We had to take down the curtains and vacuum up the glass, and there was tape and plastic from the garage...it was such a headache. I'm so sore right now."
With a grin, I said, "Sounds to me like somebody needs a long, hot, massage to get the stiffness out."
Even over the phone, I can always tell when one of my comments makes Brandon blush. He's like, "Hehehe, if you're gonna be the one giving the massage, you're only going to make one muscle in particular get even stiffer."
I'm like, "And that's a bad thing?"
He says, "Only if you're not around to help me take care of it." Then, instead of his usual restraint, he asks, "You've got tomorrow off, right? I mean...do you wanna meet up or something?"
I'm like, "Wait, are you serious? Hell yeah!" He thought it was funny that I was surprised by the idea, and I'm like, "Well, we haven't had as much of a 'romantic' Summer as I was hoping for. I was kinda starting to feel like I was bugging you unfairly."
He said, "Believe me, Billy...you weren't bugging me at all. I just want our time together to be really special, that's all. I guess I didn't want to reduce our relationship to 20 minute shaggings in the bushes. Hehehe, not that it would be a bad habit to develop. But I want to take you in my arms and feel you close to me. I want to look in your eyes and tell you how much I love you. I want to kiss you as though we had all the time in the world. What can I say? I'm a hopeless romantic when it comes to these things."
Feeling moved by the sincerity in his voice, I'm like, "I don't see anything hopeless about it. Certainly sounds like Heaven to me." Which made Brandon giggle sweetly on his end of the line. I told him, "I told Ian that I'd be back to help him out with his movie tomorrow, but it won't be until much later on in the evening. So...maybe we can get together early on?" Why do I still get all shaky and nervous when I'm asking Brandon out? You'd think I'd be immune to his charms by now.
His voice trembled a little as he said, "M'kay. Sounds good. Maybe you can get rid of your mom for a while? Or maybe I can get rid of my dad?"
I said, "I don't know. We'll figure something out. Somehow. I want you." I grinned.
Brandon's like, "I want you too." Then he's like, "I've gotta go. We still have to clean up whatever glass is out in the front yard before it gets dark out. But...ummm...call me early tomorrow, k?"
I'm like, "I will. Can't wait." Followed by, "I love you, Brandon."
He's like, "Love you too, babe. Seeya soon."
There's that feeling again. That swelling in the center of my heart that reminds me just how worthy Brandon is of every bit of love that I could toss his way. Reminds me just how lucky I am to have a boyfriend like this, and how I should never take my good fortune for granted. Brandon's voice, his smile, his very presence in my life...he's my 'paycheck'. Just a hint of his love, and I'm instantly rewarded for the amount of effort I was willing to put in to keep him by my side.
Heh...I guess my dad can be right about this stuff...every once in a while.
Anyway, I'm going to clean up the dishes before I have to hear my mom complain about it. Besides, if I take care of some of the chores in the house, maybe she'll relax tonight and have enough energy in the morning to...I dunno...go outside and do something. I really want to spend time with my boyfriend. Time without a chaperone. It's just love. And maybe some sex, hehehe! But more than anything, we just want to love one another without intrusion for a while.
I don't understand why that's so hard for some people to understand...
I'll write more when I get back. Hopefully, I'll have a few naughty tales to tell when I get back.
Love you, Brandon. For the rest of my life. I promise.