- Ok, so...what am I supposed to make of this random message from Jimmy today?
I mean, he's not in the hospital anymore. I'm going to assume that he's feeling better now that his arm is in a cast and he's back home and all, right? I refrained from going back to visit him for fear that he'd find a way to despise me even more than he does right now. I don't really have a whole lot to talk to him about anyway, so what's the point of letting him yell at me for another ten minutes. He HATES me, right? I figured that he'd just turn his back and leave me alone. But he doesn't. He keeps looking for reasons to tell me how disgusting and fucking pathetic I am. Why can't he just be done with me and say, "I never want to talk to Billy Chase ever again! He's a jerk and a liar and an asshole and he CHEATED on me, breaking my heart into a billion pieces before abandoning me forever!" I would be much better off accepting that as a message from Jimmy than anything else. At least in that scenario, things can start getting back to normal again.
But no...he has to wake up this morning and send me a message this morning, saying:
"I know you think Brandon is so perfect, but he's not. Don't say I didn't try to tell you so."
What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Whatever, I don't even care what it means. I'm not falling for any of Jimmy's little mind games. He already tried to keep Brandon and me from being together before with this bullshit. It didn't work then, and it sure as hell isn't going to work now. I'm erasing his little message and pushing it right out of my mind.
Sometimes it's just a waste of time to even let myself get triggered by something so petty and stupid.
I talked to Brandon today, and he seemed pretty damned perfect to me.
He was almost whispering on the phone, so I know his dad was home. But it's kinda hot to hear. It's not quite a whisper, but it's like this 'moan' that gives me the shivers when I hear it. Plus he's really cute when he's trying to stifle his own giggles. I wanted to try to get together again today. I wasn't sure how we were going to work that out, but it didn't matter because Brandon's dad wanted to spend the day putting in the window he bought yesterday. I guess he saw that as some kind of bonding experience or something. Brandon was like, "He wants me to learn how to do stuff like this. Why, I'll never know."
I'm like, "Not much of a handy man, huh?"
He's like, "No. And don't really have much of a desire to be. But once my dad gets something in his head I might as well be talking to a brick wall."
I said, "Yeah. My dad was the same way. I always found away to escape the handy man/mechanic part of my 'boy training' when I had to. Hehehe! Except, now I'm kinda wishing I had learned a bit more. Then my mom wouldn't have an excuse to call Mr. Franks over here to fix stuff all the time."
Brandon's all like, "I'm sure he's not that bad, Billy. He's probably just being friendly."
I told him, "A little too friendly, if you ask me. Do you know he took my mom to lunch yesterday?"
Brandon's like, "He did?"
And I'm like, "Yeah. Or, at least I'm pretty sure he did. I didn't ask my mom about it, but why didn't he say something, you know? Like, 'Hey, me and Mr Franks are going to lunch. Be back later.' What's the big secret about?"
Brandon said, "Well, it's not really a secret unless you ask her and she dodges the question." He had a point there, but I nearly started to choke when he smiled and asked me, "Dude...do you think your mom has the hots for him?"
I'm like, "WHAT??? Fuck no! What are you talking about?"
Brandon giggled in the sweetest way. He's like, "I don't know, Billy...parents are people too, ya know?"
I'm like, "Ewww, gross!" The thought of it was so nasty that I swore I could actually taste it in the back of my throat, causing me to make the most horrible face. I said, "She barely knows this guy. Besides, my dad JUST left at the beginning of the Summer."
Brandon says, "Yeah...and the Summer is, like, two weeks away from being over." He kept laughing quietly at my reaction. I'm glad somebody is getting a kick out of the idea.
I'm like, "Don't remind me. Why is it that a school year seems to last forever and the Summer flies by in a few weekends?"
Brandon's like, "Don't change the subject. I'm still thinking about your mom having a crush on this Mr. Franks, guy!"
Grrr! I'm like, "They went to LUNCH, Brandon! It's not like he took her to Vegas for the weekend!"
Brandon said, "Well, you and I had 'lunch' together yesterday, didn't we? And we both know how that turned out, hehehe!"
I laughed involuntarily, but said, "STOP! I'm gonna hang up on you now."
We teased each other for another few minutes, but his dad started getting anxious so I know he was going to have to go soon. But not before he told me, "I keep thinking about it, you know? Yesterday. Ummm...hehehe, like...a lot."
I said, "Really? Yeah, me too..." As Brandon's voice softened, I could feel my length stiffening in the front of my shorts.
There was a short silence, and then he's like, "I'm thinking about it right now. Probably not such a good idea, huh?" I asked him if maybe he had a quick chance to take care of it while I was listening. Hehehe, what? He's my boyfriend. I'm allowed to ask these things. But he's like, "I don't just want a quick fix though. I want to remember the best part." A sensual giggle escaped his perfect lips, and he's like, "I want to undress all the way...lay back...maybe take some time to get my fingers wet..."
Whoah! Ummm, ok! I said, "Sounds good to me!" Then Brandon squirmed a little bit, and said, "I've gotta find a way to get you inside me again. No rush next time. Just, like...us. You know?"
Rock hard and shifting around myself, I said, "Oh God...that would be so cool. I want you too." I wish I had a guaranteed plan in line, but I had all the blood rushing out of my brain at the moment so I just said, "Look, I'm going into work early tomorrow so I can be trained on the register, so I should get out in the mid afternoon. I'll do anything to get together with you, baby. I need you so bad..."
Brandon fidgeted a bit more, but he said, "I can't. How about Tuesday? I think I can get my dad out of the house that day a lot easier than I can on Mondays. I just...I need you too. All of you. All the time." Wow! I get the hungriest bottom boys! Win for Billy!
I'm like, "Ok. Just tell me when, and I'll be there, ok?" Brandon moaned quietly, and I softly told him, "I love you. K?"
With a little whimper, Brandon answered, "I love you too, sweetie. I'll call you later. I wanna hear your voice."
He won't have any problems getting that from me, that's for sure.
Anyway, I'm sure that my babe is gonna call me right after he finishes dinner, so...let me talk about one of the downer moments of my day...
I procrastinated a little bit before making the call. I knew that Ian was feeling down and I knew that Bobby was gonna be responsible. I guess I just wanted to selfishly ride out some of Brandon's sexy 'feel good' vibes for a few more minutes before jumping back into a situation that I really shouldn't be getting all tangled up in. Instead of playing the great savior, maybe I should just let nature run its course. Hell, it might turn out to be the only way Bobby Jinette ever learns his lesson about trying to manipulate every situation and force it to go his way.
Anyway, I did eventually call, and Ian told me exactly what I expected him to tell me. He's like, "We were just going over the plans for the movie and stuff, and Bobby was being super nice to me, you know? He came over with a big smile on his face, and he was being so sweet. And we kissed a couple of times, and soon he wanted to just have a full on make-out session. Just, out of nowhere. I told him I wanted get all the notes and stuff together first so I could call you and Holly and get everybody on the same schedule, but he was determined to get something started. I don't know what's wrong with him. I just wanted a few minutes to focus."
That didn't sound good at all. So I'm like, "Oh man, that sucks. Did you guys just want some alone time or something? I could have just stayed away if you wanted to make plans with Bobby..."
Sounding more hurt than ever, Ian was like, "I told Bobby that I really wanted to stick to the plans I had already made, and we could spend some time together later if he wanted to. He doesn't understand...I love him TOO, you know?" I felt so bad, as I heard his voice getting a bit shaky on the phone. He says, "Bobby won't stop, so I have to practically push him off of me and we start having a bit of an argument. It wasn't all that bad or anything when we started, but when I said that it wouldn't be fair to make you come all the way over to my house and I didn't have everything prepared and ready to go. Well, that was it. Bobby FLIPPED out the second I even mentioned your name! And he's like, 'Maybe I'M the one who's in the way! Maybe it would be better if I just left you and Billy alone so you could get it all out of your system already!' And I don't even know what he's talking about, Billy! I swear, he's just being a jackass! And I'm seriously starting to get pretty sick and tired of having my feelings hurt all the time!" I kept telling myself to stay out of it. I just wanted to be a friend and give Ian a shoulder to lean on while Bobby works his way through another tantrum. I didn't want to encourage him to stay with Bobby if he's going to make hurting his feelings a constant burden on the poor guy. But I didn't want to tell him Bobby was full of shit and that he should break up with him...just on the off chance that he can get Bobby to calm the fuck DOWN and quit being a child about this. So...I pretty much bit my tongue and kept quiet while Ian was like, "Sometimes he gets sad for no reason. Sometimes he gets angry for no reason! Sometimes I say ONE thing wrong and he won't speak to me for days! I'm starting to feel like everything is falling apart, and I don't even know if we'll make it to the end of the Summer if things keep happening like this."
I felt like such a jerk saying, "Hang in there, Ian. You're Bobby's first boyfriend. Maybe he's still trying to figure out how the whole relationship thing works, you know?" Yeah, it was a lie. But at least I was keeping my interference to a severe minimum.
Ian's like, "I dunno, dude...I'm starting to think that maybe we just need some time apart. To think about whether we want to keep doing this to each other."
YIKES! I know that talk. That's the same kinda talk my parents started tossing around before they split up. And if it's one thing that the world doesn't need, it's for Bobby to get his heart broken again. I don't want to be anywhere NEAR that tragedy!
Ian sniffled a bit, feeling so helpless as to what to do...but I also think he got some relief by telling me about it. Just to get it off his chest. At least I was able to be of some use, but it won't last. Not for much longer.
Should I really just let Bobby throw the best relationship he's ever had in the trash over paranoia and envy for something that doesn't even exist? It'll kill him to lose another boy. In his mind, he'll probably start thinking, 'SEE??? I was right! He loves Billy more than me!'
Ugh! Sometimes I just want have sex and play video games! Why does life have to be so damn twisted sometimes?
Ok, I'm sure Brandon's gonna call any minute, so I'm going to end this here. I'm sure there will be more misery to report before I go to bed tomorrow night. But, until then...I'm going to talk to the love of my life and let him re-energize me with more good vibes. I definitely need some.
My batteries drain easily these days.
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