I'm not exactly sure what had changed in him, or why it seemed to happen almost overnight, but I definitely noticed the difference in him right a way. Jason and I were like best friends when we were little...but, for some odd reason, the 6th grade comes along and everybody 'changes partners' as far as our previous friendships are concerned. Interests begin to vary, attitudes expand, identities adjust...suddenly, you're not sitting at the same cafeteria lunch table with the kids that you thought you knew so well before. I was mad at him for ditching me, initially...but it took a few more years for me to realize how much I really missed him.
I always had a sense that I was different, but I think I was too young to understand that what I felt for Jason was more of a crush than your typical 'buddy-buddy' friendship. I liked the way he made me feel inside. I liked being around him. I liked making him laugh. I liked...being close enough to reach out and touch him whenever I felt the urge. And I always felt the urge. By 'touch, I'm not talking about a touch in an intimate way, or at least, not from my inexperienced view on intimacy at the time. Just, like...a push, or a punch in the shoulder...or rubbing his arm...or giving him an occasional hug...
Gosh, I miss Jason.
Nowadays, things are different. We're not enemies or anything, but we don't talk like we used to. We don't really hang out anymore either. So my obsession with him took an off ramp and I've settled for passively stalking him online instead. Something that I'm not really proud of, but I'll bite your head off if you try to stop me. I NEED my Jason fix, dammit! Leave me alone!
I'm constantly looking for him on my laptop. It's not creepy, I swear. And it's a hell of a lot less awkward than trying to stir up some unprovoked conversation with him in the school hallway out of nowhere. That would be weird, wouldn't it? I think that would be weird. Anyway...I've been collecting as many random pictures of him as I can. I just...I can't help but to want to capture every moment of his life that I'm not a part of, you know? Jason is sooooo pretty. I don't know if this is a side effect of true love that I'm feeling right now...but I literally have a biological reaction to seeing pictures of his smile. I stare at the screen and lick my lips and wish that I was there with him in that particular moment. I pretend that he likes me too, and that he's happy to have me watch him the way I do. It just gives me chills, ok? I'm not trying to be creepy. I just think this is as close to Jason as I can ever get without the law getting involved. At least for now.
However...looking at the increasing number of selfies and pictures that he takes and posts online...seeing them stack up over time...I can see that this where the biggest 'change' took place.
The transformation wasn't subtle. It was immediate. Almost desperate in its expression. I wasn't certain how I felt about that yet.
Wait, I take that back...
Deep down, I knew exactly how I felt about it. I was just too darn chicken to admit it. Even if just to myself. The sight of him becoming more confident in his photos was totally arousing. It was daring and seductive, but in the naughtiest way. At least in my mixed up mind, it was. It's like my breath was getting shorter and shorter with each new picture that my secret crush uploaded to his Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, and Twitter, accounts. Yeah, I stalked them all. Jason was evolving into something truly beautiful, and I was frightened by the potential that I saw in him. Potential to just...completely slay my strongest emotions with nothing more than a wink and a smile.
See, when Jason and I were younger, we took pictures together too. Fun pictures. During sleepovers and birthday parties, Trick Or Treat grabs and Cub Scout meetings...but those were all so different. Innocent. Even when we went to the water park and were wearing nothing but our swim trunks and a smile...those pictures were just fun memories to document and feel good about as we looked back on the good ol' days.
Jason's newest photos, however? They're different. They just...they feel different.
I'm drawn to the hormonal trap of their presentation. I find myself getting excited. Craving him in ways that I didn't fully appreciate before now. His photos lately are just...FUCK! They're so HOT!
What happened? Where did this raw sexuality come from? Was it the fact that we were in high school now? His pictures never looked like this before.
Those cheesy grins and bright gazes into the camera have morphed into something else entirely. Now he takes his selfies at a different angle. He doesn't smile anymore. His facial expression is less of a 'Hi, it's me'...and more of a 'I know you want me' vibe. Am I crazy? Is this just a mistaken nod to an imagined invitation to want him as badly as I do? I try to ignore it, but I can't. His once bright eyes have been replaced with a smoldering gaze. A sensual stare that, even through an online photo, burns a hole right through the center of my heart and urges me to approach him for the cure to the insufferable ache he caused.
No more goofy 'cheese' pics. No more unrehearsed expressions of boyish joy. Jason now lowers his chin...and looks upwards at the camera lens with his piercing blue bedroom eyes. Wanting me. Asking me for the first kiss. Whispering stanzas of adolescent poetry that beg me to undress and hold him close. The innocence feels more like a mask now. Something that makes him just appealing enough to lure me into his bed. Am I going nuts? Because that's what it feels like. Ever since Jason's voice changed and got a bit deeper, he's been taking the kind of pictures that drive me crazy. He changed his hair a little bit, to make him sexier. I like it. It shows off his eyes a bit more. He dresses up for his online pics now. And he sometimes bites his bottom lip, which is a level of hotness that makes me want to CRY most afternoons! I have to jack off twice just to keep from losing my marbles and tackling that boy in the streets the next time I lay eyes upon him!
Oh God, I hope he never sees my lustful intent in when I look at him. Those bright blue pools of boyish splendor are intimidating enough without him knowing the longing passion that I have for him every time I work up the nerve to talk to him.
I'm looking through his most recent photos now. He posted seven new pics since Saturday. And...FUCK! I actually whimpered out loud at the sight of some of them! I mentally lick his long legs when I stare at them. I imagine him alone in his bed at night...feeling himself up and thinking about how hard he is under his sheets. His pics aren't just moments captured in time anymore. They're an 'advertisement' for something. He's starting to let his deepest desires be known. He's letting the world know...'I'm almost ripe for the taking. Be the first in line when it happens.'
Yeah...he's not the same little boy that I used to share a tent with at Summer camp. Jason has definitely discovered his sexuality. He's realizing the power of how HOT he is, and how he can use that to his advantage. He styles his pics just right. He lightly bites his bottom lip. He tilts his head in just the right way, to let people know that he's...'awake'. You know? When I compare his latest photos with the ones he took just a year ago...they're like night and day. I'm kind of jealous that he figured it out before I did.
Gosh...I can't stop looking at him!
His lips are so thin and pink. His neck is so smooth and tasty. I want him to the point of risking my stable life in the closet to just...take a shot at 'getting' him! You know??? Like, it might be worth it. Even if he told me he wasn't interested, I would be a damn fool to pass up the chance to possibly get his dick in my mouth! I'm sorry if that sounds dirty, but it's the truth! I think about it every day, and I dream about it every night. Jason's beauty turns me into a major basket case, and ever since he's grown up a bit more and has been displaying traits that I can only describe as 'Orgasm Inducing HOTNESS'...I've been losing more and more of my self control on a daily basis.
Oh God...look at *THIS* picture!!! What the fuck???
He just posted a new one, and now he's lifting his shirt up in the front! He doesn't have a rippled six pack or anything, but it's NOT my personal bias telling me that he has the sexiest belly out of all the boys in the WORLD!!! Omigod, look at his flat little belly button! And his smooth skin! I've never wanted to slide my tongue up a warm teen boy surface more than I do right now! Why would he do that to me? Or to the world? Look at how HOT he is! He puts this on the internet? For FREE??? It's just not fair!
Ok...I mean, like...ok...
This is too much! I'm saving this picture! And I'm gonna suck on my own tongue while I masturbate to fantasies of actually having Jason back in my life again. But...in this really intense way! How long is this lewd and horny view of him, and his cute face, and his hot online pictures, and his squeezable ass, and his kissable lips, going to last? Who knows? But...right now, I'm short of breath, hard as a rock, and in desperate need of putting his latest photo on full screen so I can imagine the surreal scenario where we're both snuggled up together somewhere...with me salivating over him in the dirtiest way I know.
I WANT him!
I want him, I want him, I want him, I WANT him!!!
Why do I keep zooming in on his crotch? Or on his ass? What am I expecting to see there? I don't know...I just...I want him close to me. So close that I can almost taste him!
He's so hot! Dammit!!! I'm actually 'leaking' in my undies right now! I'm that hard! I'm going to bring up the hottest of his online pictures and make a little slideshow to jack off to now. I can't wait another minute. I have to do it NOW!
Jason's always been cute. Even before I knew how to rate the idea of 'cute' as compared from one boy to another. But his photos lately? His photos lately have shown me just how desirable, how unmercifully gorgeous, he can really be. He's become the pure definition of what I really want, sexually. At least for now. Maybe forever. Wow...Jason's become my blueprint for the perfect boy. How random is that?
Ok...going to stroke myself silly now. Probably more than once.
PLEASE keep posting more pictures of yourself, Jason! Especially the ones with your shirt up in the mirror! I may not have the stones to come talk to you directly about my true feelings...but as long as you keep posting these new, more mature, pictures on your social media accounts...I'm going to remain eternally breathless over you. That's a promise that I'll be sure to keep for as long as I live.
I think I love you, Jason. Remember that...
And...I'll be watching...
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