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Date Posted: 07:36:49 12/12/17 Tue
Author: Victori Panda (O'Berry)
Subject: I agree with Mike84 +
In reply to: Comicality 's message, "A Question..." on 17:46:50 12/10/17 Sun

Character intelligence honestly seems a lot more rational than when I was a teenager. I can relate to Billy in a lot of ways, but it's slightly obvious he's written by an older mind. If anything, he seems like one of the most intelligent teenagers Ive ever met, even with the problems that are his fault. He hardly uses the internet and texting to communicate, he's apologetic, carries himself with more emotions than just wanting to always be right, and he always cares about how the people around him are being treated. Same for a lot of the characters. As far as how you've written him, the only problem I have is Brandon's lack of faults, lol. No one can be THAT perfect, but we do only see him through Billys eyes.

Your pace isnt problematic either, for me anyway. But I'm use to Japanese culture a bit and have been waiting for Kingdom Hearts 3 for about 10 something years now. Patiently. There's no way I expect you to crank out a chapter every week or have it packed with action action action. There has to be some substance. I understand who Billy is because of those small chapters. It's like an appetizer holding me over for the real deal coming up.

If I were to criticize you though, I think I would like to see less dragged on babble if that makes sense. There's a tendency to repeat the same thing in different words over and over. I have the same writing style (since I've read your stories since I was 13, shhh), but sometimes Billy has 6 paragraphs explaining the same feelings. I just kinda skip over those parts sometimes because I'm like 'I get it Billy'.

The only other thing is Brandon. I like him, but he needs either more interaction, involvement, or more faults. He's just too good to really live up to the other characters. Either that or he needs to be Billy's source of comfort. Billy spends day and night worrying about everyone else and fixing them to the point that Brandon doesn't really fit in to the rest of the story. They dont seem as if they're growing or anything. Maybe focus a bit on his dad's situation, or him helping Billy with his parents divorce... I'm not sure. I can't remember if this was mentioned, but does Brandon even know that Billy's pretty much out the closet now?

Maybe dont change anything because you've kept me around this long so you probably already know what youre doing. I appreciate your hard work though no matter how you go forward.

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  • Not sure what subject line I want -- Adam (Ellsworth), 10:34:59 01/01/18 Mon

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