I, honestly, donāt know what Jaredās problem is this Summer. I mean, are we best friends or not?
Ever since the seventh grade, heās gotten increasinglyā¦āweirdā on me. Not all the time, butā¦in general, things just seemed to go a different way for some reason. Then we started high school, and now heās prone to moments where it feels like he couldnāt be more distant from me if he tried. There were actually times when I started to wonder if we were even best friends anymore. Or friends at all, for that matter. Likeā¦why wonāt he call me? Why wonāt he spend time with me? Sometimes, itās almost like heās mad at me for something that I didnāt even do. And I canāt understand it for the life of me.
Jared lived across the street from me since we were little, but we didnāt officially meet each other until we both joined the same Cub Scout group at our local church. Everything about him was so amazing. And he would swear that everything about ME was equally as amazing. Jared and Dylan. Dylan and Jared. We were a team. I mean, after our third scout meeting, we were already laughing hysterically at each otherās jokes, texting well into the late hours, playing co-op video games online almost every night, and getting together to hang out almost three or four times a weekā¦homework, be damned. We were just a natural fit for one another. It was like āmagicā how we got along so well so fast. You know?
But that was a year or two ago, and I guess weāve grown up a bit more. Weāre Boy Scouts nowā¦leaving the baby cubs behind. Learning new stuff, going on camp outs further away from homeā¦itās just a more mature experience, I suppose. I still felt this really close connection with himā¦but I felt like his connection with me was quickly beginning to fade. Itās just this gut instinct of mine that tells me that heās not all that into me anymore. Which sucks, becauseā¦truth be toldā¦I always thought that Jared was kind of cute.
Hell, the whole reason that I approached him to be friends in the first place was because I had developed this instant crush on him. I donāt think I was aware of it at the time, butā¦thinking back on it? Yeah. I fell hard for him the moment that I looked into those deep light brown eyes and saw the glimmer of his silver braces reflecting the halogen lights in the basement of that old church. I didnāt realize how hard my heart was beating for him until it actually became too hard for me to breathe. I didnāt realize how infatuated I was until it became nearly impossible to speak to him directly without feeling dizzy in the head. Orā¦how urgently Iād have to stop wrestling with him once I started getting hard. Having him on top of me and holding and humping and grinding and rolling aroundā¦yeah, I could only take about thirty seconds of that before I started to worry that Iād have an accident. That would make for a huge wet spot that I doubt Iād be able to explain without losing him forever.
But my boners are a little bit more under control these days, right? I meanā¦I can hold it. I think. Well, better than I could at 12 or 13, thatās for sure.
Yeahā¦Jared is as close as Iāve ever been to true love at this point in my life.
Which makes this āat armās lengthā treatment from him hurt even more than it probably should. Especially out here at Summer camp.
Ugh! Jonah Morris joined Troop 96 about three weeks agoā¦and donāt think that I didnāt notice his boy model good looks from the second he stepped foot into that basement with the rest of us. Heās likeā¦too good to be true. I hate him. I really do. And itās not like heās a bad person. In fact, itās the exact opposite. Heās likeā¦one of those upper class suburban boy beauties that fits the typical definition of the upper class suburban boy beauty! The kind of boy that your girlfriend or boyfriend fantasizes about while theyāre kissing you on the mouth. Young, beautiful, smartā¦the boy that everybody wants to be friends with. Everything that he does and everything that he says gets just a LITTLE more attention from the rest of the world than anybody else could ever hope for. Just because heās super cute. With his longish blond hair flopping all over his pretty face like that. Itās so not FAIR that he gets to beā¦āspecialā because of his looks. You know? He was just born special.
What sucks most of all is that Jared seems to have been greatly affected by Jonahās black magic glamour spell, and it feels like he now enjoys his company more than he does mine. WHY??? Itās not like I did anything wrong. And itās not like Jonah did anything right. Jared just seems to gravitate towards him more and more whenever theyāre together. And nowā¦weāre on this Summer camp adventure togetherā¦and while I thought that Jared and I would, naturally, get a tent together this Summerā¦he decided to get a tent with Jonah instead.
That was like a knife in the heart to me, to be honest. Why him? Fuck! I mean, going all goofy over the sexy blond boy with the flawless body and undeserved charismatic punchā¦it all just seems so damn CLICHE to me! How could Jared fall for something like that? Itās so lame that he likes him so much.
I felt like our friendship was breaking apart. The first time? We were assigned tent mates so we could all get to know each other. But after that, we got to choose our own, and this is the third time that he chose to share a tent with Jonah over meā¦and it just sends a clear message that heād rather be friends with the popular kid than he would with me. I swear, this is the last time I plan to bother. I can find other friends too.
Soā¦what now? Do I justā¦ignore this dreaded feeling of us being pulled apart? Is he moving on to a new friendship? Should I find someone else to spend time with? Or eat lunch in the cafeteria with? Or justā¦sigh over before I go to sleep at night?
Honestlyā¦am I supposed to just develop a crush on someone else now before he leaves me behind to break my fall? To soften the blow?
Iām not exactly sure how this sort of thing works.
I probably never had a chance anyway. Jared doesnāt seem even remotely gay to me. He never did. I knew that heād be interested in girls, but my heart wouldnāt listen to logic. I wanted him anyway. Jared was all I thought about, day and night. Iāll bet Jonah doesnāt gaze longingly into his eyes during an extended conversation. Iāll bet Jonah can resist the uncontrollable urge to stare at Jaredās butt every time he thinks he can do it without getting caught. They probably talk about girls all the timeā¦and thatās something that Jared and I will never have in common. How am I supposed to compete with that? What can I do to relate to a boy who likes girls when I justā¦canāt share in the excitement?
I almost wish that I didnāt like him so much, just so I could be closer to him without falling apart. Then againā¦I donāt know if I want to let go of the love I have for him, or trade it for something less fascinating. A big part of me likes recognizing the beauty of his smile. The sight of his long, lanky, legs in a pair of shorts. Of the way he blushes sometimes when he stumbles over his own words. Heheheā¦who would I be if I had to give up this intense infatuation for the boy of my dreams? And yetā¦if I donāt give it upā¦I remain distant. Discarded. Alone in the dark without a shining light to bring me hope.
You never think that love is going to be this difficult to figure out until it happens to you. Thenā¦youāre just kind of on your own.
Some of our younger scouts were learning how to use the kindling we picked up around the trees to start a fire for lunch, and those of us who had been around for a while were basically free to do whatever we wanted in the meantime. Sure, we were supposed to be picking up and keeping the campsite area clean, but letās be honestā¦weāre in the woods. As long as we arenāt littering the ground with soda cans and candy wrappersā¦this is about as clean as itās going to get.
I see Jonah and Jared sort of standing at the edge of the campā¦all to themselves. Theyāre giggling at one another, but I canāt hear what theyāre talking about. Seeā¦this would be easier to take if Jonah was one of those boys with a pretty face, but turned out to be an awful person on the inside. Or if he was dumb as a rock. Or if he was a Grade A narcissist with no personality to speak of. But, of course, I wasnāt that lucky. Jonah was actually witty, and fun, and he had a good heart. I canāt tell you how much it turns my stomach to have to say āthank youā to that guy several times a day for having him help me out or be nice to me in some random way. Itās frustrating! I donāt want to THANK him! I want to clobber him over the head with a shovel and bury him out in the woods somewhere so I can have my Jared back! Thatās what I want.
And what are they laughing about NOW??? Whatās so funny? Iād seriously like to know what Jared seems so tickled about.
I couldnāt quite find the strength to ignore it. Instead, I pretended to casually āwanderā over to where they were goofing around with one anotherā¦and I sort of put this fake grin on my face to see if maybe theyād be willing to let me in on the big joke, you know? Jared and Jonah saw me getting close, and they grinned at me. āHey, guysā¦ā I mumbled nervously.
āHey, Dylan!ā Jonah said, cheerfully. Psh! As if I was even talking to you!
āWhatās going on? It looks like you guys were having fun.ā
Jonah said, āWe were just cracking a few jokes, thatās all. Killing the time.ā Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!!!
āSāup, Jared?ā I said, specifically to him this time.
āSāup?ā He smiled. Awww, he has such a cute smile. Braces and all. If anything, I almost donāt ever want him to get his braces off. Heās one of those boys that just looks cuter with them on. You know the type.
āHeyā¦ā I saidā¦again. Why did I greet him again? That was dumb. Jared makes me so DUMB!
āHehehe, you feeling ok?ā Jared asked.
āOh. Yeah. Sure. Iām a little tired, thatās all. I donāt think I slept too well last night. My tent partner, Steven, snores like a wounded pig at a tractor pull, soā¦ā Both Jared and Jonah laughed at the comment, and I thought, āYES!!! SCORE!!!ā
But it wasnāt meant to last.
Jonah, with his energetic glow, said, āHey, Iām gonna run to the cooler and grab a Coke or something. Do you guys want one?ā
Jared was quick to say, āHeck ya! The Sun out here is roasting me alive.ā
āSweet. How about you, Dylan?ā Jonah asked. I felt conflicted. Heās being āniceā to me again. And when I didnāt answer right away, I noticed that Jared turned to look at me too. āCome on, dudeā¦I know you want one. Ice cold cola on a sunny Summer day? Whaddyasay?ā
āYeah. Sounds good.ā I said, my brainwashed manners adding, āThanks, Jonah.ā Arrrgh! I HATE him soooooo MUCH sometimes!
And thatās when he left to go back to the center of camp where the cooler was. I couldnāt help but to look at his butt. I donāt know, itās sort of become this weird habit of mine. If youāve got a really cute face, then Iām curious to see if your butt will match. Andā¦sighhhā¦it does. It totally does. I know that thereās got to be something wrong with that kid, I just havenāt found out what it is yet.
Jared and I were left alone for the time being, and youād think that it would provide the perfect opportunity for us to reconnect without Jonahās blinding spotlight stealing his attention away from me every ten seconds. But, if I had to be honestā¦it was one of the most awkward moments of my life. I fidgeted, and I stared off into space, and I was silently praying for Jonah to come running back to us to take the pressure off. All this time, Jared and I have been as close as two boys could possibly beā¦and now, thereās this weird barrier between us. I meanā¦WHY CANāT I THINK OF ANYTHING TO SAY?!?!?!
āYou know, that mac nā cheese that they made in the mess hall for the meeting was pretty good. Right?ā I said, attempting to break the silence.
Jared nodded. āYeah. Pretty decent. Though Iām pretty sure itās just that stuff from out of the box though.ā
āI doubt they have a gourmet chef in the mess hall trying to whip up special meals for the rest of us. Hehā¦ā It was a short chuckle that he gave me. Almost out of pity from the sound of it.
āDoesnāt mean itās not any good.ā I smiled.
āVery trueā¦ā He replied. Thenā¦back to silence. Ugh! Cāmon, Dylan! Youāre more interesting than this! Say something else. Ummmā¦.um um ummmā¦.
āSay, you remember that assassin movie that we used to watch on DVD a few years back? That one with the badass guy with the crossbow?ā
Jared smiled again, the sunlight reflected in that stunning metallic display. āOh yeah. I remember that. What was it called? It was, likeā¦āAshes to Ashesā or something like that?ā
āYeah! Something like that.ā I said, excited to get him talking again.
Then he asked, āWhat about it?ā
Shit. I guess I should have thought of a way to follow up a fun memory with a conversation of actual substance, huh?
āOhā¦well, nothing.ā I said. But tried to recover by saying, āI justā¦I was thinking about it, and I was hoping to find another cool movie like that. Maybe we could get together one of these weekends before the Summer is over and find something good.ā
It looked like his interest was already waning. In fact, he sort of looked away from me, and he said, āYeah. Maybe. Iām sure thereās gotta be some good ones out there.ā
āOf course. You knowā¦somewhere.ā I said. But as Jared lifted his head a bit, seemingly searching for a reason to avoid indulging me while simultaneously looking for Jonah to come back to usā¦my heart just seemed to sink down into my stomach. The painful beat of it making me nauseous from within.
Jonah came back to us, and it was like the light had returned to Jaredās face all over again. I really had lost him, hadnāt I?
āHere you go, Dylan. I made sure to get these from the bottom of the ice. Extra cold.ā Jonah smiled, handing me one of the coldest soda cans I think Iāve ever felt before.
āThanks, Jonahā¦ā Arrghhh!!!
I looked back at Jared for a brief moment, and then I just sort of shrugged my shouldersā¦making some weird excuse about being tired or whateverā¦and I walked away to leave them to their little two-man party. I could even hear them talking and giggling again before I was even fully out of ear shot.
What is Jonah doing that Iām not capable of doing? What the heck are they talking about? Why is he so cool and Iām just soā¦boring all of a sudden?
It was something that bothered me for the rest of the night. Through the late night campfire, and our dinner at the mess hall, and all the way up until the troop was ushered off to bed for the evening. I, honestly, stopped even tying to be a part of whatever it was those two had going on as friends. I just stayed away from them. Making no contact at all. Not only because it seemed to be utterly pointless, trying to wedge a crowbar between them with my mind-numbingly mundane social skillsā¦but because, deep down, I was hoping that Jared would notice my absence. I was hoping that heād look over and see how miserable and alone I felt, and heād invite me to come join them for a while. Or maybeā¦maybe I just wanted to āpunishā him by ignoring him the way I felt like he was ignoring me.
But you know what?
Neither one of those things happened.
Jared and Jonah kept laughing and joking around and never gave me a second thought. The most I got from Jared was a few seconds of mistaken eye contact from the other side of the campfire. And it made me ache inside like you wouldnāt believe. Iām not even enjoying this Summer camp anymore. I just want to go home.
When I went back to my tent that night, Steven tried talking to me a bit more, butā¦as nice a guy as he was, our personalities didnāt really mesh, you know? Or maybe I was just in a shitty mood. Who knows? Luckily for meā¦or perhaps unluckily for meā¦Steven had been worn out from the trail hike we took this morning after breakfast, and heās one of those people who can fall into a deep sleep in the blink of an eye. Soā¦the snoring started up again, and I was left in my sleeping bag, staring up at the ceiling of my tentā¦trying to swat away the hurt with thoughts of anything else outside of what Jared and Jonah must be doing to entertain each other tonight.
Iāll just bet that theyāre not anywhere near being asleep yet. Jared and I used to stay up until the middle of the night all the time. Even when we had that first sleepover at my house, my mom had to actually get mad at us before we agreed to call it a night. And even thenā¦we stayed up for another hour or two anyway.
I tossed and I turned. I ached and I moaned quietly to myself as my stomach folded itself over and over againā¦wishing that I could understand what made Jonah so much more appealing to my favorite boy than I was. And when the pain got to be too much for me to handle, I unzipped my sleeping bag, put on some shorts and a black t-shirt, and pulled my shoes on with no socks. I justā¦I HAD to know what they were talking about. I had to know what made Jonah so goddamn special. Maybe I can find out how to get Jared to think about me again.
I would say that I carefully crept out of my tent so as not to be heardā¦but lets be honestā¦Stevenās snoring sounded like ten death metal CDs all playing at once at full volumeā¦so whatās the point of being sneaky?
Jared and Jonah chose a little spot a bit further back in the woods than the rest of us. Our Scoutmaster said that it was fine as long as all tents were visible from the fire pit. Itās sort of a rule. But I knew where it was, and I could easily find it in the dark. So I made my way across the campsite and I was careful not to let anyone hear my footsteps as I got closer to their tent.
The moon was half full tonight, but without the city lights blocking out its brilliance, it provided me with enough of a night light to navigate easily through the tree roots and fallen twigs beneath my feet. I donāt know why I felt so nervous about this, but as I heard a few quiet giggles coming from their directionā¦the butterflies in my stomach went wild. It made it a little hard to breathe, honestly. But I was extra cautious as I moved to get closer. What are they giggling about? Seriously. This is bothering me.
I could see the dim illumination of Jaredās flashlight on one side of the tent, and I got about as close to them as I thought I could without being heard.
They were talking in low whispers, so I couldnāt make out every word, but I did hear Jonah say, āYou want another Twizzler? These are so good. I think they made this particular package better than the rest. I swear.ā
Jared answered, āNo! Hehehe! And I wish youād finish that one. I donāt wanna be tasting Twizzler gummies all night.ā
āWhat are you bitching about? Youāre not even undressed yet.ā Jonah said, making my ears perk up. Then there were a few other whispers that I couldnāt hear, followed by a few more boyish giggles and what sounded like a little wrestling between them.
Thenā¦things got quiet.
No movement. No whispers. No giggles. Nothing.
Thenā¦a few smacking noises. Likeā¦licking your fingers or something. Or likeā¦likeā¦
I took a few secretive paces forward, now leaning against a tree just outside of their tent. This was about as close as I was going to get. Any closer, and theyād hear me for sure.
And thatās when I heard another smacking sound or two, and Jonah whispered, āI bet you like the taste of that Twizzler now, donāt ya? Hehehe!ā
Were they kissing each other???
I heard Jared giggle in a way that I had never heard before. And then the smacking noises continued. This time, the sound was unmistakableā¦especially when I heard some more movement, and a tiny moan from the back of Jaredās throat.
And that was it. The ultimate heartbreak. A complete and utter decimation of my entire emotional state as I knew it. They were kissing. Jonah and Jaredā¦they were kissing. I couldnāt see them. I couldnāt see anything! But the sounds that I overheard coming from inside that tent were enough to devastate me on a level that I had never been prepared to protect until it was too late.
Why Jonah??? Why??? Oh God! This hurts so much! I couldnāt even CRY, it hurt so much!
Their lips parted, and Jared whispered, āAre we just gonna make out all night or are you gonna get naked already?ā
āDonāt get bossy with me, Mister.ā Jonah answered, and they both started giggling sweetly at each other, sharing another kiss before I heard more shuffling from inside the confines of their tent. I could hear belts being undone, zippers being unzipped, and the slide of clothing as it was pulled down their coltish legs and tossed to the front of the tent where they wouldnāt be in the way.
Jonah was naked in there.
My Jared was naked in there.
And I was stuck out in the darkness of the woodsā¦all aloneā¦wondering if Iād have the will power to survive the crushing blow that this whole situation was dealing to me at that moment. If Jared liked boysā¦why not ME??? I would have gotten naked and made out with him in a tent all Summer long if he thought I was worthy. Insteadā¦he chose Jonah.
Oh godā¦there they are. The tears are coming now. Hold it together, Dylan. Youāve got to be strong right now.
āCome hereā¦ā Jonah whispered, and they went back to quietly kissing one another. I could barely hear them this time. It must have been really slow. Really intimate. A loverās kiss. Except, now they were naked, so I could only imagine how hard and excited they were. I knew they had to be rolling over one another. I think Jared liked being on the bottom, because I would hear the cutest little whimper from him whenever it sounded like Jonah was on top. Iāll bet he had both hands on that perfect butt of his. Iāll bet his squeezing it and kneading it and pulling his boner against his as they humped each other on top of his sleeping bag.
It might have only been a few minutes, but it seemed like an eternity to me. The kissing, the moans of pleasure, the sliding of Jonahās smooth, flawless, skin against my Jaredā¦the touchingā¦the rubbingā¦the grindingā¦every second of it made me want to vomit up puddles of pure hurt and betrayal. But I was too close for me to leave now. Even though I wanted to shut my ears and stop listeningā¦even though I wanted to run away into the night and throw myself off of the highest hill that I could find, drown myself in the nearest creek, orā¦at least find a decent place to bawl my eyes out in privateā¦I couldnāt move. If I tried to leave, theyād hear me. And something tells me that getting caughtā¦catching themā¦would be more humiliating than anything in the world right now.
So I was stuck. Stuck listening to my best friend, the first and only boy that Iāve ever loved, kissing another boy naked. Can you even imagine what a sledgehammer to the chest that is? I never felt so low.
I had to wipe a stray tear away from my cheek, but it only led to moreā¦and it caused me to sniffle quietly to myself.
Suddenly, Jared whispered, āShhhh! Waitā¦did you hear that?ā I held my breath, wiping my nose off on my shirt.
āNo. I didnāt hear anything.ā Jonah whispered back.
āOkā¦ā Then I heard Jared say, āIām gonna suck you now, k?ā
āOooh, baby. Aināt you sweet?ā Jonah snickered, and Jonah laughed right along with him.
More movement. A naked teen body re-positioning itself on the slick surface of a sleeping bag, and then silence. Then very subtle sucking noises. Then a light groan from Jonah as he enjoyed the sensual seduction of my best friendās lips sliding up and down on his rigid shaft. Theyāve obviously done this before. More than once. They were in sync with one another in a way that just screamed that they were practically a ācoupleā at this point.
Jared probably looked at Jonah the same way I looked at him when I first met him in Scouts. Heās probably feeling all of the things for Jonah that I feel for him. And if he had the courage to actually go for it, while I hesitated and hid my feelings, afraid to tell him how I feelā¦how can I be angry at him? If Jared wasnāt the love of my life, and Jonah had secretly offered me his incredibly hot body every night at Summer campā¦would I have the strength to turn him down? Somehow, I doubt it.
Godā¦.I fucking HATE that guy!!!
āAckkk! Dude! Youāre braces!ā Jonah gasped.
āOh. Sorry.ā Jared went back to sucking him, and I could hear every heartbreaking slurp of him pleasing his number one dream boy.
A minute or two later, Jonah twitched again. And then a third time. āDUDE! Hehehe!ā
āBe careful with that twisted metal, Jared!ā
They both grinned at each other, and Jared said, āIām trying. Theyāre kind of āattachedā to my teeth, you know? Hehehe!ā
āWell, donāt get so excited. Take it easy. Thatās my dick youāve got in your mouth! Not a stick of beef jerky from the corner store!ā
They like it. They both like it.
I wanted to leave. I wanted to go back to my tent a cry myself to sleep. But my legs felt weak. My heart felt weak And WHY was I hard as a rock? Was I actually turned on by this? What kind of sadistic, self loathing, emotions do I have running through me right now. I donāt understand this at all. This is killing me!
As tears were now drenching my cheeks, I held back from sniffling anymore for fear of being heard. So I just had to keep wiping my nose on my shirt and trying to resist the urge to sob out loud.
āHere, let me do you too. You put your head down that way, and Iāll be up here.ā Jonah whispered, and I heard a great deal more movement as they swiveled around into a different position again. āDo you want to be on top, or do you want me to be on top?ā
āUmmmā¦you, this time.ā Jared whispered back.
I knew they had done this more than once. Ugh! My heart!
āOk, justā¦remember to warn me when youāre about to shoot.ā Jonah said.
āI will.ā But then Jared said, āButā¦likeā¦donāt warn me this time. When youāre gonna blow.ā
āAre you sure?ā
āYeah. I justā¦I wanna be surprised. I think itāll be hot. I wanna see what it feels like.ā
āIf you say soā¦ā Jonah agreed, and then I heard heated bodies moving around againā¦no doubt with Jonah on top of Jared in a 69 position, his smooth scout boy thighs on either side of his head, while lowering his soft lips on Jaredās throbbing inchesā¦sucking it as far into his wet vacuum as he possibly could while feeling the ultimate pleasure between his legs at the same time.
My senses were overwhelmed. And as much as it hurt meā¦I wish that I could have seen what was going on in that tent. I wish I could see them naked, lost in the throes of passion, moving in this sexually rhythmic tangle of boy flesh and smooth skin covered in a thin sheen of sweat and fragrant pheromones as their most uninhibited, lustful, cravings were being satisfied. Iād give ANYTHING to see a look of ecstasy on my cute Jaredās face! Just once! You know?
Suddenly, the breathing got heavier. I saw the walls of the tent move slightly as their motions got more passionate. More erratic. And then the hushed whispers that they were using before were almost broken with the stifled squeals of a teen boy on the verge of orgasm.
Jonah was first, and I swear I could hear Jared swallowing his heavy load with whimpers of joy and accomplishment.
To meā¦that was the final nail in the coffin. Swallowing another boyās load? If thatās not an abandonment of the rest of the world to love one boy foreverā¦I donāt know what is?
Jonah let Jaredās, still hard, erection slip out of his lips, craning his neck around and saying, āWhoah. That was intense. Are you ok?ā
āMmm hmmā¦ā Jared said.
āWhatās it taste like?ā
āUmmm, I donāt know. Kinda slimy, to be honest.ā He said, licking his lips. āLike warm, melted, butter. It was a lot more than I thought it would be.ā
Jonah giggled, āSorry. I was kinda hot and bothered by the idea of you wanting to take it all like that. I cum buckets when Iām turned on.ā
āItās ok. I kinda liked it. It was just a little weird. First times and all. Hehehe!ā Then Jared asked, āDo you wanna try mine?ā
āNo thanks. Hehehe! Thatās more your thing than it is mine.ā Jonah said. āBut Iāll finish you off though.ā
āOk. Iāll let you know when Iām ready.ā
āKā¦ā He said, and I heard more sucking noises. Deep ones.
āYou knowā¦you have a really cute ass. It looks hot from this angle.ā Jared said, and they both snickered so loud that I thought someone else in camp might hear them and come investigating what was going on here.
More tears. More mucous. And more heartbreak as I listened to Jonah please my special boy in a way that I may never get the chance to. Ever.
āIām closeā¦ā Jared said, heaving breath as I heard his legs squirming around in the tent. āShitā¦okā¦Iām gonna shoot!ā
Jonah pulled off of him and I heard hand movements that made me guess that he was jacking him off. āGet your shirt.ā
āI got itā¦ā Jared said, breathlessly. āHere it comesā¦ooohhhā¦unggghā¦.ā
I could hear the popping of Jaredās legs, or maybe his toes curling, as a thunderous climax shot through his body and caused him to cum hard into the fabric of whatever shirt he grabbed to hide in his duffel bag before morning. And thenā¦back to silence.
Then back to shuffling positions.
Back to kissing. Lots of kissing.
I just wanted the sounds to stop so I could walk away. The game was over. I lost. What else was there to do but to wish them both all the happiness in the world. I mean, itās not like I could ever train myself to hate Jared for going after a hottie like Jonah. I would. I just wish I hadnāt gotten my emotions all tangled up in his beauty to begin with. And when I say ābeautyā, Iām not just talking bright eyes, long legs, and braces. Iām talking aboutā¦the way he smiles when you give him shit and take a cheap shot, or deliver an unexpected burn. Iām talking about the way he hums his favorite song to himself when he gets it stuck in his head, and taps his fingers on the lunch table. Iām talking about the way he justā¦makes your whole life feel like it has purpose and meaningā¦just by being around.
All things that I should have told him when I had the chance.
āYou came an awful lot yourself tonight, lover boy. Hehehe!ā Jonah whispered.
āYeahā¦ā Jared answered. āI guess I was feeling pretty hot and bothered myself.ā
There was a pause, and Jonah said, āYou were thinking about him again, werenāt you?ā
āNO!ā Jared chuckled.
āDudeā¦why even bother lying to me at this point? You were super horny tonight.ā
āWhateverā¦ā Jared smiled. āā¦I canāt help it, ok? He was being extra cute today.ā
Jonah giggled again. āYou are so whipped, and you donāt even know it. Why donāt you just take your shot and tell him already?ā
āBecause I canāt, ok? Heās my best friend. Things areā¦complicated.ā
Jonah said, āIf anything, I would think that would help to UN-complicate things.ā
āYeah, wellā¦it doesnāt.ā Jared sighed. āI get around him and I start getting light headed and tongue tiedā¦itās like I donāt have anything to talk about anymore. I canāt talk to my best friend anymore. All I can think about is kissing him and hopefully getting the opportunity to run away while heās vomiting in the street and canāt slug me in the gut for it.ā
āYou are SO dramatic! You know that?ā Jonah told him. āLook at you. Youāre blushing right now! You can barely say his name without looking like youāre about to pass the fuck out. Hehehe!ā
āDonāt tease me! Itās not funny, hehehe!ā
āSo say it then.ā
āFine. Iāll say it thenā¦ā Jonah said. āDylan, Dylan, Dylan! Mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah!ā
What??? Waitā¦what is he talking about???
āStop it! Shhhh!ā Jared whispered aggressively, lunging forward to cover Jonahās mouth with his hand.
āYou are really crushing on him, arenāt you?ā
With a heavy sigh, I heard Jared quietly say, āI donāt know. Iām not sure how I feel. I justā¦I need to stay away from him for a bit longer until I figure things out. I miss spending time with him, butā¦how am I supposed to snuggle up beside him in a tent during Summer camp without losing my damn MIND, you know? I justā¦I donāt think I can handle that.ā
Jonah sat up in the tent, and he says, āWell, think of it this wayā¦you might actually have a shot at getting together with somebody that you really have feelings for. Real feelings. I meanā¦donāt get me wrong, itās awesome fooling around and allā¦you and me and whatever āthisā is when we go to campā¦but I canāt be your boyfriend, Jared. Releasing a little tension between friends is one thing, butā¦you know that Iām going to find myself a girlfriend eventually. What then? You canāt just spend the rest of your life trying to find boys to be a temporary substitute for the guy you really want. If Dylan is the one thatās the closest to what you really wantā¦then you should go for him. All the cute boys in the world arenāt going to take his place in your heart. You know that, right?ā
āI knowā¦ā Jared said. āā¦Justā¦give me some time. Iāll tell him before the end of the Summer. Promise. Itās justā¦itās hard to do when I can barely look him in the eye and put a solid sentence together.ā
Jonah snickered and said, āWell, how about this for a plan? IāLL fool around with Dylan next camp outā¦and then you can walk in on us like, āwhat the fuckā, and then weāll have a threesome! Hehehe, then Iāll sneak out in the morning and you two can take things from there!ā
They both laughed out loud at the idea, and I have to admit, even with salted streams of dried tears on my face, it kind of made me smile too.
Jared playfully whined, āNoooooo! Donāt you DARE put your grubby hands on my future husband!ā
āAwww, youāre no fun!ā
āSorry. Itās justā¦Dylan is, likeā¦āmineā, you know? No sharing.ā
āWhatever. Youāre a hopeless romantic. No way I can compete with that.ā Jonah said. No way that he can compete with ME? Really? That might have been the hottest, most orgasmic, string of words that Iāve ever heard in my entire life. āSayā¦you wanna go again? Iām still a little hard.ā
But Jared said, āNah. Not tonight. If you donāt mindā¦I think Iām a little distracted right now. I kinda just want to drift off.ā
āSuit yourself, lover boy.ā Jonah said, and after I heard them remain silent for about five minutes or so, I found the strength to actually move my feet again, and walk back to my tent without making too much noise. Right back into the wall of noise cause by Stevenās Titan worthy ruckus of snoring. And I found myself staring up at the ceiling of our tent again. Still tossing and turning. Still restless.
But this timeā¦without the ache. Just a smile as wide as Texas on my face!
The next morning, we were all awakened by our leaders and given a few chores to finish before starting off our day. I saw Jared and Jonah hanging out together just as they had the day before. Joking around in private, as though nobody else mattered. But it didnāt hurt as much this time. Not now that I was able to see things from a different perspective. A better perspective.
Itās still hard to wrap my head around it. Does Jared really think of ME when heās with a superstar like Jonah, naked in a Summer camp tent with nobody watching? Wowā¦.that blows my MIND! Hehehe! It really DOES!
Naturally, Iām still extremely JEALOUS that Jonah got his hands on my Jared before I didā¦and itās still not fair, especially considering that heās not even GAY! Butā¦all that aside, I donāt think anything could possibly upset me today. The whole world was pink with glitter and sparkles, and my heart finally felt whole again. All the way whole.
At one point, I saw Jared sitting on a bench, using a rag to brush some dirt and stuff off of his sneakers. Hehehe, he always took much better care of his sneakers than I did. And while I have been really uptight and nervous about talking to him before, I felt a bit more courageous this time. So I walked overā¦and I sat right next to him.
Like, close enough to where our legs were touching.
There was still a hint of that awkward interaction that we had before, but I think I understood it now. And the feeling was mutual.
āSāup?ā I said.
A little blush rose up in Jaredās cheeks, and I was flashed with the shiny silver glare of those super cute braces of his. āSāup?ā He replied.
I donāt know what it was, but I let my gaze linger for a bit longer than usual. Our eyes connected, and I felt so bubbly and ticklish inside that I started to giggle to myself right in front of him.
āHehehe, whatās so funny?ā He asked.
āSoā¦why are you laughing?ā He asked, being amazingly cute as those shiny braces were exposed to bright rays of Summer camp sunlight.
āNo reason.ā I said. āI justā¦I have a feeling that itās gonna be a great rest of the Summer. Thatās all.ā
I donāt think he got it, but as Jonah sort of looked at us sitting together on that bench from the other side of the campsiteā¦he seemed to smirk with a sense of acknowledgement that his talk with Jared might have done some good. And who knows? Maybe it did.
Soā¦thanks again, Jonahā¦.
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