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Date Posted: 08:49:46 10/20/19 Sun
Subject: So many questions...
In reply to:
's message, "Imagine Question For 10/15" on 06:18:31 10/16/19 Wed
So many questions...
I've always been a private person, my whole life. Not just with being gay, but with a lot of things. A big part of that is the feeling I get from being dishonest. So it was always like, 'ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies' most of the time. But I really did struggle with being gay as I was realizing exactly what that meant. I seriously thought that there was something wrong with me. My father certainly made things one hundred times worse.
Plus, this was an era (not all that long ago) when words like faggot and ass pirate and queer were not only common, but were considered fighting words. And by the time I got to the 6th or 7th grade...we had the AIDS panic to deal with. So the idea of ever telling anybody was absolutely terrifying! And I just let it burrow down deeper and deeper until I thought I could ignore it.
Then some damn cute boy shows up and it shoots RIGHT back up to the surface again! Hahaha! So, no luck there!
So, I can't imagine what kids go through now, when we have more information, more open discussion, more support, internet and coming out videos...I don't know if that makes things any more or any less comfortable, but I'm hopeful.
I've noticed some of my own younger cousins, and one of my closest friend's kids doing and saying some of the same things that I did when I was their age. I recognize the 'vibe'. And as much as I want them to discover and be proud of who they are, I worry about them. I really do. Mostly because all I can really do is 'be here' for them when they're ready. But what if they don't think they're ready until it's too late? What if they don't take the hint? What if they truly feel as though they're all alone and no one will ever understand?
But I would never 'out' them. I think that would make things much worse, and I wouldn't take that invasive step just for my own peace of mind, you know? I would think that would cause paranoia and distress. "If he knows...then EVERYBODY must know!" I think that would make things much worse.
So, I'm conflicted about how to handle such a thing, and I, honestly, haven't really been through it yet. I've had friends and co-workers come out to me before, but not because of any suffering that they were going through or because I invited them to talk. I just happen to be laid back enough in my personality that they know there isn't much that they could tell me that would get me to hate them for who they are. And then there are the teens that I talk to online who come by the site and open up about who they are, which I'm extremely grateful for, but it's usually someone else making the first move to talk to me. I haven't had to sit a family member or younger friend down and make any moves to let them know that they can trust me. When the time comes, and I think it will...I hope I do a decent job of it.
Thank you guys SO much for your input on this question! I will definitely take it to heart. And I hope the readers of Imagine Magazine will too. You guys are the best! Love you lots!
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