It was a numb feeling that I felt in my legs as I walked back into that cafeteria. Shaky. Surreal.
The idea that my big brother was looking to depart this place as quickly as possible, before things got to be too intense for us to handle...it almost seemed like the logical decision to make when it came to our survival and well-being. But...
My heart just wouldn't accept it. And not just because of Alex, either. I mean, I was falling so deeply in love with him that it was difficult to be apart from him...even for the few minutes that it took Cain to even suggest that I leave him behind in this mess. But, I was deeply connected to my new friends as well. What about them? Preston and Donovan had quickly become a part of my life. I deeply cared about all of them. Hell...I barely even know Walker and Spencer...but I felt this sense of duty to protect them too. I promised I would look out for them. I can't just leave them behind.
And even if I took Alex with us...I don't think he'd be cool with leaving them behind either.
I don't know...maybe in dire situations like...the end of civilization as we know it...somehow 'changes the rules' for everybody else. But not for me. I'd like to think that, survival instincts aside...I'm the same Jake Weaver that I was when I first got rescued and admitted into this shelter in the first place.
As I walked over to the North wall, I noticed Alex getting up on his feet at one of the nearby tables. It was almost as if he had been looking for me to return, and was anxious to have me close to him again. He smiled. His eyes sparkling. The expression on his beautiful face brought me right back to craving the impulsive addiction of his kiss. Why, oh why, couldn't we have met under regular circumstances?
"Hey..." He said, a tenderness displayed in his tone of voice. "...Everything alright?"
"Yeah. Everything's fine. How come?" I asked.
"Oh, well...you looked like something was weighing heavy on your mind a couple of seconds ago. I thought that maybe it was bad news." He said.
Can he already read me that easily? He must really be paying close attention.
I saw a little bit of commotion out of the corner of my eye, and Alex and I watched as Donovan leaned up against the wall, and slid down to sit on the floor. Stretching his legs out for a moment of peace and quiet. The soldiers had pretty much rattled us all out of a good night's sleep by marching us into the infirmary at the crack of dawn, so I guess we were all a bit weary from the early intrusion. But poor Donovan's 'peace' didn't last long. At least not in his usual form of social isolation.
I think he had closed his eyes for all of a fifteen seconds before he could sense a presence hovering over his private little spot on that side of the cafeteria. I watched his eyebrows wrinkle up a little bit before he slowly opened his eyes...only to see Preston, Walker, and Spencer, standing in front of him.
"What?" He said with a grunt. "WHAT?!?!?"
The second grumble was enough to make the young boys jump a little bit, but Preston was quick to dismiss his standoffish approach.
"It's ok, you guys." Preston said. "Donnie can seem kinda grumpy sometimes, but he's the awesomest guy ever. Promise." Donovan seemed absolutely floored by the fact that Preston had become so immune to his prickly nature...but his expression was absolutely priceless when Preston turned around and sat down next to him against the wall. So close, in fact, that Donovan was forced to put his arm around Preston's shoulder in order to make room for his aggressive snuggling. Hahaha, I mean, the kid really just made himself at home, burrowing into Donovan's chest like some kind of household pet. But before Donovan couldn't even protest, appalled that he would suddenly assume that he wanted to be snuggled up to at all...Preston said, "C'mon, you guys. It's ok. We're all tired, right?"
Before he could stop the other two boys, Walker had wiggled his way between Donovan's legs and rested his head on his stomach...and Spencer cautiously moved forward, eventually cuddling up under Donovan's other arm, actually draping it over his shoulder. Then Spencer coughed loudly, right in the nape of Donovan's neck, causing him to make an even more outrageous face as he cringed away from him. "REALLY, dude???" He said, but Spencer just rested on his shoulder, and all three boys closed their eyes, an almost simultaneous sigh of relief leaving them as they got ready to catch some sleep after all they had been through this morning.
Hahaha! Donovan looked up at me and Alex, shocked that this was even happening to him! Almost as if to silently ask us for help. Like, 'Please, get me the hell out of here'! But that only made the idea more hilarious to us. Especially since the three boys had gotten so unbelievably comfortable so quickly that Donovan would actually have to fight them off with a chainsaw to get them to move now. A feat that I, honestly, don't think that he was capable of. I just knew that he was an old softie at heart! I KNEW it!
Instead of shrugging the litter of young puppies off of him and running away, he just let out a slightly frustrated sigh, and just...tried to find as much comfort as he could, being smothered in needy boy affection, leaning his head back and letting them stay there as he closed his eyes to try to get some sleep himself. What did he expect? He was the oldest of us. Maybe not by much, but he still came off as our protector...as well as being a peer. And sure, Preston might be more open about his sudden attachment to having the comfort of a new big brother in his life to take care of him...but as Alex and I giggled at one another over his predicament, I think we would have cuddled right up with the rest of them if there was any room left for us to squeeze in. Hehehe!
"Isn't he warm?" Preston said to the others.
"Shut up...or I'm leaving." Donovan replied.
"Sorry..." He whispered. "Shhhh...nap time."
Preston wiggled around a bit more, then tried to snuggle in even closer. Then he moved again. Then a bit more. Donovan said, "Preston! I swear to God...."
"I know, I know. Shhhh..." He said, and brushed his hair out of his eyes so he could sit still and rest.
Alex's beautiful green eyes met mine for a moment. They always shine a bit more brightly when he's holding back a flurry of giggles like that. It makes me take a pause and just...truly appreciate the beauty of the wonderful boy at my side.
Sometimes, he simply takes my breath away. And it feels good to be selfish enough to want to keep that beauty all for myself. Not to possess it, necessarily...just keep it in a small area where I can view it better than anyone else ever could. Like the prettiest rose in my own personal garden.
I've never had anybody special in my life before. It's all so brand new to me.
Alex gave me a slightly flirtatious look, and he said, "Hey...do you wanna get out of here for a little while. Just walk the halls or something?"
Helpless to resist his charms, I said, "Yeah. Sure. Sounds...awesome."
Preston, already fading into sleep, didn't even open his eyes when he muttered, "Can I come?"
Awwww, so cute. I said, "You get some rest, dude. We'll be back soon. Promise."
He didn't even answer us. And Walker already had a light snore going as he wrapped his arms around Donovan's waist. I swear, by the time Alex and I backed away from them, all with their eyes closed and nestled up together like that...I seriously wished that I had a phone to take a picture of the scene before me. It was so sweet. Hehehe...it sucks to let an iconic moment like that pass without a photographic trophy of it, you know? God forbid that anything would happen to cause a memory like this to fade...
Alex and I walked out of the cafeteria, sort of taking note of the people around us, most of them so nervous and traumatized by the threat outside the gates that they were practically zombies themselves. It's strange...how thin the line is between us and 'them'. They may be brain dead cannibals, feeding off of primal and primitive instincts that don't take any cognitive thought at all...but as I see the so-called civilized people mill around in the halls of my high school, still trying to get their cell phones to work, staring at a blank screen, not making eye contact with one another...I am forced to wonder...
...Are we all that different? Our supposed needs and instincts might have evolved...but we're all still looking for ways to let go of human intellect, conscious thought, and the burden of emotion. Searching for a method to live on 'auto pilot'...never having to think at all. Maybe it took a real zombie apocalypse to wake us up out of the involuntary dream that we've all been living in for as long as we can remember.
I'm not saying that I'm any better. I'm just happy to be waking up to the realization that we were making zombies out of ourselves long before this disaster came along to punch us in the face. But I'm thankful. SO thankful!
That awakening brought me to Alex, and Alex to me. And it allowed us to push the dream aside for something real. Something...lovely.
God, I'm so in love!
"So..." Alex said, blushing slightly, "...That was your big brother, huh?"
"Cain? Oh...yeah. Just a few years older, but...my big brother, nonetheless."
"Ah...ok." Alex said. Then, with a bit of hesitation, he asked, "So...should I not mention...? I mean, you prolly don't want to talk about, ummm...us being...?"
My eyes widened, and I giggled, "OH! No! That's totally fine. He knows that I'm..." I looked around the hallway, and I felt a little bad about lowering my voice when I said it, but I said it anyway. "...Cain knows that I like boys." Then, with a heavy blush of my own, I added, "You, especially. Hehehe!"
That caused his face to get even redder, and it was so cute that I almost leaned over to kiss him on the cheek...just on instinct alone. "Oh. Ok. Just wondering." He said.
"I think he's super impressed with you too. You being so gorgeous and all."
"Hehehe, stop. He told me. Then he said, "I think you're gorgeous too. Really. You're, like...the cutest boy I've ever seen before."
This had to stop. I was getting a rock hard erection now, and we didn't have any way of taking care of that without somebody else seeing us. So it was best to just enjoy the rush of endorphins that we got from the mutual compliments and just move on before we got ourselves in trouble for being so sweet on one another.
"Thanks..." Alex mumbled softly, not really knowing how else to reply to the compliment.
Suddenly, we saw an older boy run out of one of the locker rooms with NOTHING on! Hahaha, not a stitch of clothing at all! And another boy ran out after him in his underwear, winding his towel up and snapping it in the naked boy's direction! Both Alex and I perked up immediately, looking at what was going on in front of our very eyes.
We both giggled as the boys wrestled around for a few moments and then hurried back into the locker room, but just seeing another boy naked had triggered something within me. And I think it had the same effect as Alex too.
We had an awkward moment of silence between us. And then, Alex said, "You know...I could probably use a shower too. You know...just to keep from feeling all grimey and stuff."
And I replied, "Yeah. Me too." My breath was short when I said it, knowing that we only had public showers in this place. Meaning...well...we'd have to be in the same room together, you know? Like...naked. That would be a first. And while that seemed to scare me a little bit, I think it excited me more.
Our eyes connected again. So much silent information could pass between us with a single gaze. It made me so nervous to know that I was so 'open' in front of someone that I was trying not to creep out by being so head over heels all the time.
Seeing my hesitation...listening to my silence as I looked down at the tile floor and shyly dug the toe of my shoe into it...Alex got a wicked smirk on his lips. "I dare you..." He said.
"Hehehe, dare me to what?" I asked.
"You know what." He told me, then gave me a wink. "Come on...let's do it. We have to shower some time, right?"
"Wait...really?" I giggled, the jitters in my chest nearly shaking me to pieces.
"Yeah. Really." He said. "I dare you."
"I dare you first." I grinned.
"No way! I totally dared YOU first!"
"Unh unh! No you didn't!" I lied, stalling so I could try to keep my erection from growing to full length.
But, calling my bluff...Alex just rubbed his buzzcut blond hair and said, "Ok, then. I accept. Let's go. Unless you're chicken."
"I'm NOT chicken!" I snickered. "I just...I gotta go back and get some clothes first. That's all."
"Well...so do I." He replied.
"Well, let's go then."
"Totally. Let's go."
"Fine. Let's go." I said.
"That's what I'm saying. Let's go." He said.
Shit...he called my timid little bluff. "Alright then. I'm going."
"I am!" I giggled. "You must really want to see me butt naked."
And right then, even with other strangers in the hallway, he kissed me on the cheek and said, "I was hoping it would happen eventually. Why not today, right?"
Sighhh...he's so fucking perfect, it hurts!
I agreed to his naughty little challenge before I was really sure that I was going to be courageous enough to go through with it. But...a minute or two later, we were walking back to the big gym to rummage through our belongings and find some clothes to change into. I just remember digging through all of my stuff to find a pair of boxer briefs that I thought would look...you know...hot, I guess. I had some dark red boxer briefs that fit me pretty snugly, and I looked across the gym to see Alex sort of shuffling through his own stuff to find something cute to wear too. Even though...anything that was lucky enough to hug those tight boyish buns of his would be the object of my envy in the worst way. Hehehe! Still...it was kind of cute to know that he was thinking about things in the same way that I was.
We both got our little bundle of clothes together, and met each other again before walking back out into the hallway. "You ready?" He asked with a smirk.
Trying to feign my confidence, I said, "I'm totally ready. Are you ready?"
"Definitely." He said. Was his bold confidence as fake as mine, or did he really have nothing to worry about when it came to us seeing each other naked for the first time. It was kind of hard to tell.
"Alright then, hehehe...you go first." I said.
"No. You first." He said.
"Same time?" I offered as a compromise.
"K? Let's go."
Now...when we went into the locker room...I began to visibly shake, both from anticipation and with fear. I'm not sure where the fear came from, but there it was regardless. I looked over at Alex, and he looked back at me, as we both hesitated for a brief moment. We giggled at one another, and then he reached down to take his shirt off.
Ok...so we're really doing this...
I did the same, and was entranced by his slim hips and flat belly. A shallow navel, and small nipples. I could feel goosebumps being raised on my skin as we smiled at each other...even with other people in the room with us. He led the challenge by taking his shirt off first, But it was me that first kicked my shoes off and reached down to undo the button on my pants.
Alex was beginning to blush now! Hehehe! And his blush made ME blush as we began to shiver from the suggested 'naughtiness' of the whole scenario. But he followed my lead and pulled his pants down to his ankles. He was wearing these tight fitting briefs...glaring white, and I could already see the sweet mounds of his ass as he bent over to pull his jeans off of his feet. I was already getting so hard!
Another moment of hesitation...
We were both one small layer of fabric away from actually being naked. Our eyes connected again, and my heart began to race as Alex gave me a flirtatious smile. "You ready?" He asked, his voice shaking a little bit with nervous energy.
"Uh huh..." I said.
"One...two..." He waited for a second, and then, "...THREE!" He yanked his underwear down and so did I.
I was almost afraid to look at first. Almost afraid to have him look at me. It's not that I had any hang ups about my 'dangle', but I felt weird because I wanted to be so perfect for him that it was hard to keep any sense of self confidence up around him. But...what I saw on his end was amazing! A sensual display of goodies. Well sculpted cut, and growing erect despite his efforts to keep it from doing so. A pink blush at the tip of his spear, and a sizable pair of 'twins' beneath it that wore their boyish wrinkles with pride. Hehehe, would I be a perv if I said it made my mouth water to see his most private places?
Too bad...because it did. I had never been more turned on with a single peek in my entire life!
I could feel myself getting hard too, and looked away from Alex's eyes, hoping to stifle the effect...but it didn't work. Especially when he snickered out loud as he put his clothes into the locker, and walked over to take me by the hand.
Oh wow...the touch of his soft hand in mine was a rush that I wasn't prepared for. He looked down at 'me' for a moment, so I felt emboldened to look down at 'him' too. Then we grinned at each other, our blushes deepening as we got harder for one another. Almost as if we were sensually reaching out for one another. I couldn't believe this was happening. God, he was so beautiful. I'm surprised that I was able to keep from dropping to my knees right then and there and sucking him into my mouth...fulfilling my every virgin fantasy at long last, my heart pounding so hard that I could feel it in my throat.
But it was the mere touch of his hand and the glory of his smile that really set me off. That intimate bit of contact nearly caused me to erupt from the sexual promise alone. "You ready?" He said softly.
"Ready..." I answered.
And he gave my hand a light pull as he turned around and led me into the showers.
Hot DAMN, did I ever get lucky this time!
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